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Sep
26
What’s Next? Bubonic Weepul?
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Okay, so every year the school has its annual fundraiser and the kids sell the names and addresses of their next door neighbors and loved ones to a marketing company, all in the name of ridiculous prizes. In the past week I have confiscated: two of those sticky hands that you throw at the wall and they ooze down, four giant bendy pencils that were being used as whips on their friends, an “Excuse Maker” keychain that had broken and was repeatedly squawking “MY DOG ATE IT”, and one Beer Hat which they have renamed the “Drinking Hat”, out of which the kids were attempting to drink their yogurt.
But the most insidious of the prizes is the Weepul. And don’t even bother to pretend like you don’t know what a Weepul is. If you were a kid in America and your middle school ran any type of fundraiser, you definitely got Weepuls as prizes. Maybe you don’t remember, so let me refresh your memory. See? I told you. And also, does anyone else find the Pregnant Weepul as creepy as I do? If I ever get pregnant, those will be the baby shower favors. That was your fair warning.
Anyway, over the afternoon announcements yesterday the Principal threw in that the next day’s fundraiser prize was the Scurvy Weepul. Obviously I thought I had misheard because, yeah, what the hell? Scurvy? A disease-ridden Weepul? I am clearly missing something here. Then I heard kids after school promising all kinds of complicated trades involving the Scurvy Weepul and something called the Funtown Weepul and I stopped one of them. “Is it really a Scurvy Weepul?”, I asked. It totally is! I then asked if it was missing teeth, had open sores or a peg leg and oh, did they have to feed it lots of Vitamin C?
They looked at me quizzically. “No, Ms. NPDubs! It has an EYE PATCH!”.
“But isn’t that just a Pirate Weepul then? Scurvy is a disease, you know.”
They looked doubtful for a second, glancing at each other. “No it’s not! That’s not what the prize people said!”
Oh. Well I guess I should get a big fat DUH stamped on my forehead then.
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18 Responses to “What’s Next? Bubonic Weepul?”
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There are so many things wrong with this picture that I just can’t even name them all. And I do miss Weepuls even if I had no idea that that is what they were called.
i honestly never saw or heard of a weepul in my life. i guess my school must have been pretty lame. but i loved getting stuff from the quarter machines – especially the glow-in-the-dark blob or slime or whatever it was. anyone remember that?
Wow. Weepuls have come a long way. Personally, I find the Masquerade Weepul the most creepy. His pal the Circus Clown Weepul is a close runner-up, though.
Also, drinking their yogurt through a beer cap? These were obviously the gifted and talented kids, right?
Weepuls! One more thing we can thank Delaware for! They sell direct from the factory? By “factory” do they mean three 12-year-old girls with a couple bottles of Elmer’s Glue taking some time away from making friendship bracelets and bedazzling their shoes?
And no, I can’t say that I remember Weepuls.
You’re right. We totally had those and I forgot about it. Must be that damn scurvy again. Arrrr.
We had weepuls, but just the standard issues ones. And I never knew what they were called or traded them with my friends or anything.
Wait, you have a fundraiser where your students SELL OUT THEIR FAMILIES? How strange! And also, I seriously have never seen a Weepul until just now.
I’ve seen Weepuls but never knew they actually had an official name. Back when I was growing up (about 100 years ago) we only had the plain, boring yellow ones. If you manage to somehow get your hands on the Ape Weepul I will trade you something for it. I have a friend who is terrified of monkeys and the Ape Weepul even creeps me out a little bit. I think I could have a lot of fun with my friend if only I could get my hands on an Ape Weepul.
I never knew they had a name. But how pathetic is it that I now want an entire set of Barnyard Weepuls of my very own?
And, I just have to say, “Scurvy Weepul” would be an excellent name for a rock band.
I thought the frog Weepul was pretty cute. And I do remember these. Vaguely.
Clearly, you wasted your time going to college and getting degrees to become a teacher. If you want to be all-knowing, you SHOULD HAVE gone to Prize People University because they teach you all kinds of valuable, practical information about diseased toys. Duh!
1. Dude, they’ve had Ebola Weepul for years; I think it was originally created in the mid-nineties to cash in on the craze/fear.
2. How does a Weepul get pregnant, I wonder? They don’t have any sex organs that I can see (not that, you know, I’ve looked). Any thoughts on this, science?
I remember Weepuls! But I always thought they were called Those Puffballs With Feet.
But seriously, Scurvy Weepul? What’s next, Plague-Ridden Barbie?
I think the Weepuls are just to stun people into disbelief before they realize that you SOLD their names and addresses to a marketing company!
Wow, I totally never knew they were called Weepuls.
What happened to the dress up Friday???
I hope to God that the pregnant weepul is not offered as next week’s prize in the school fundraiser… between that, Jamie Lynn Spears, and the Gloucester epidemic… you may have a run on “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” in the middle school library…
Oh, Weepuls. I remember those, but all these themed ones are news to me. Back in my day, we were lucky to even have day-glo Weepuls. Kids today are so spoiled!
I never knew those things were called Weepuls! I just called them “cute little fuzzy guys”.