Let’s Do This Thing

A few things have become clear in the three months Jay and I have been engaged:

  1. I can’t wait to be married.
  2. Wedding planning is for the birds, even when it’s supposed to be super casual.
  3. People LOVE to discuss a wedding.

I don’t know if maybe I just haven’t been in around anyone, proximity-wise, who was newly affianced (shut up, it’s a word), but all of those things came as a surprise to me. First, I didn’t think the piece of paper that said we were married would be so important to me, since we’re already doing almost all the things married couples do anyway. But now that I know he’s going to be my husband, well, I just want him to be my husband already. Like, right now.

Second, and I won’t go into details here, but I can’t help feeling a sense of dread about all the work that is still left to be done to pull off a wedding of even a small size. Every time something gets finalized twelve more things are added to the list. It’s terrible to think that your wedding day is going to be filled with worry about porta-potties and rain storms, but what can I do? I’ve already decided to let go of what I have to because it’s going to be fun to have all my favorite people there regardless of weather… but dammit, it’s just not in my nature to be all laissez-faire about an event. I SAID ROSE GOLD FOR THE MASON JARS ARE YOU CRAZY WITH THE MATTE GOLD? Ahem.

At least twice a day someone asks me about the wedding. Most of the time they use it to segue into a conversation about their own, which I don’t usually mind, but hello, Woman Who Never Talked To Me Before November, suddenly I’m the most interesting person to you because I’m wearing a ring? When I discussed this with Jay he seemed genuinely interested in this phenomenon. Since dudes don’t wear engagement rings things have barely been any different for him, except when he has to call me fiancé instead of girlfriend. For a girl, it’s like something has shifted once you have a ring. I can literally watch men at the gym or at a bar or on the train look at me, look down at my hand, then move on to the next girl to see if there’s a chance. (I actually kind of like this part. MOVE ALONG, WEIRDOS.) Then suddenly I’ve been invited to join a group of women at work for lunch on Fridays who are all married, when I was never invited before. And you know what? They all want to talk about our wedding. And also their in-laws, and their wedding, and their honeymoon. They want to try on my ring and recommend jewelers and debate DJs versus bands. And all the while I want to shout, “Yes, I’m getting married, but I was interesting and fun even before I was engaged! I swear there is more to me than a wedding!”

Hmph. I guess what what it boils down to is that it’s very lovely to think Jay will soon be my husband, but also that being engaged is a very, very strange time. Hurry up, July!

About npw

If you're reading this, you probably already know me. If you don't, I'm so sorry for you.
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6 Responses to Let’s Do This Thing

  1. courtney says:

    That is strange and a little disturbing. If it were me, I’m not sure I’d want to hang out with someone who suddenly found me interesting only because I was engaged.

  2. I hated being engaged. HATED. It’s a strange, liminal state of being, and the biggest comfort I can offer is that it is short-term. Very soon, you will never have to be engaged again, and that is such an immense relief. Two days after our wedding, my best friend got engaged. I remember she called me and said, “but don’t worry! You can still be the bride!” And I blurted out, “but I don’t HAVE to be the bride anymore.” As I said it, I felt this huge weight lift off of me, because NO! I DID NOT HAVE TO BE THE BRIDE ANYMORE!

    Also, all of the wedding-related anxiety disappears completely the next day. It is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

    So, hang in there. This too shall pass.

  3. RA says:

    I was so, SO ready to be done planning my wedding. The day before the wedding was the worst day of it. But, oh! Being married is great! And you can look back at these grenade-filled days of engagement and (hopefully) laugh. You’re in it for the long haul, lady, not just that one day. Press on!

  4. Marie says:

    This is pretty much why I told basically no one at work (except when I had to take a few days off) that I was getting married. I didn’t want to deal with talking about it or any of the questions. It was kind of amazing I kept it quiet for 6 months. It also made it easier that I didn’t have an engagement ring (didn’t want one).

    By the way, did you know that in Lebanon both the man and woman wear engagement rings, but on their right hands? Those rings are then used on their wedding day as wedding bands and placed on their left hands during the ceremony.

  5. Elope! Elope-elope-elope! I hated most things about the “ooooh, you’re engaaaaaaageeeed!!!1!!” conversations, and the wedding planning, and all of it. Now I tell everyone to elope and then just have a party later. A celebration party, but not a reception (blah).

    Hang in there, my dear!

  6. If anyone uses the line “I miss my wedding!” run far, far away from them. I’ve watched friends get stuck on their wedding. They obsess over it before it happens, and then they dwell on it after it’s over. I did not feel either of those ways. I hated the engaged/planning part, very thoroughly enjoyed the day itself and was so happy when it was over. I would never call my wedding day the happiest day of my life, but the Monday after certainly is a contender — I was married, I had slept, I had absolutely nothing I had to do that day and I was leaving on my honeymoon the next day.

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