A few things have become clear in the three months Jay and I have been engaged:
- I can’t wait to be married.
- Wedding planning is for the birds, even when it’s supposed to be super casual.
- People LOVE to discuss a wedding.
I don’t know if maybe I just haven’t been in around anyone, proximity-wise, who was newly affianced (shut up, it’s a word), but all of those things came as a surprise to me. First, I didn’t think the piece of paper that said we were married would be so important to me, since we’re already doing almost all the things married couples do anyway. But now that I know he’s going to be my husband, well, I just want him to be my husband already. Like, right now.
Second, and I won’t go into details here, but I can’t help feeling a sense of dread about all the work that is still left to be done to pull off a wedding of even a small size. Every time something gets finalized twelve more things are added to the list. It’s terrible to think that your wedding day is going to be filled with worry about porta-potties and rain storms, but what can I do? I’ve already decided to let go of what I have to because it’s going to be fun to have all my favorite people there regardless of weather… but dammit, it’s just not in my nature to be all laissez-faire about an event. I SAID ROSE GOLD FOR THE MASON JARS ARE YOU CRAZY WITH THE MATTE GOLD? Ahem.
At least twice a day someone asks me about the wedding. Most of the time they use it to segue into a conversation about their own, which I don’t usually mind, but hello, Woman Who Never Talked To Me Before November, suddenly I’m the most interesting person to you because I’m wearing a ring? When I discussed this with Jay he seemed genuinely interested in this phenomenon. Since dudes don’t wear engagement rings things have barely been any different for him, except when he has to call me fiancé instead of girlfriend. For a girl, it’s like something has shifted once you have a ring. I can literally watch men at the gym or at a bar or on the train look at me, look down at my hand, then move on to the next girl to see if there’s a chance. (I actually kind of like this part. MOVE ALONG, WEIRDOS.) Then suddenly I’ve been invited to join a group of women at work for lunch on Fridays who are all married, when I was never invited before. And you know what? They all want to talk about our wedding. And also their in-laws, and their wedding, and their honeymoon. They want to try on my ring and recommend jewelers and debate DJs versus bands. And all the while I want to shout, “Yes, I’m getting married, but I was interesting and fun even before I was engaged! I swear there is more to me than a wedding!”
Hmph. I guess what what it boils down to is that it’s very lovely to think Jay will soon be my husband, but also that being engaged is a very, very strange time. Hurry up, July!