Maybe it’s because Jay and I are planning to get married later in life than most of the people we know, but a lot of the trappings of weddings are completely lost on me. I guess I’ve had plenty of time to think about things in an abstract way: would I want to change my name? Would I care if I had a white dress? Is it possible to not ask your sister to be your maid of honor, or would she be mortally offended? Except now those questions are not so abstract. They’re very real, and decisions need to start being made. Will I change my name? Still undecided. I mean, my name is my name, but it might be weird to have kids and not have the same name as them. Do I want a white dress? I do think white would look nice on me if I had a summer glow-y tan, but terrible if I was my normal pale self, so… maybe. Do I have to ask my sister? No, I don’t, but I probably would if I was planning to have bridesmaids at all, which I’m not.
Here are the (only) things I know for certain we want:
- Nothing religious
- Don’t care about most wedding traditions (e.g. father-daughter dances, smashing cake in each other’s faces)
Because we really just want to have a party and would prefer to have the ceremony privately it feels a little strange to even call it a wedding, but for the life of me I can’t think of a suitable alternative. I’d call it a “wedding”, but that makes me sound like some kind of ironic hipster. A “We’re Filing Joint Taxes!” party is also kind of asshole-ish. Why is there no other format for getting married than a wedding? I guess I’ll just suck it up and use the W word.
I have this one co-worker who has to decided to ask me about the wedding every single time she sees me, which, since we work together, is every single day. Lady, even if I was actively planning something huge I wouldn’t have daily updates for you. No, I don’t want the number to the place where your daughter bought her dress. No, I would not like to see pictures of her winter wedding at a castle. No, I definitely do not care how much she spent on gold ribbon. But, you know, it seems like the kind of topic people really latch on to, and I don’t know how to make it any more clear that I’m not interested in what anyone else did. Or at least, not as it pertains to what Jay and I want to do.
Would things have been different if I had gotten married at 20? Obviously. For one thing, I’d already be divorced. For another, I know myself so much better at 35! I can take a step back to say, “Self? No to getting married while you’re still in college, and an even bigger no to that body glitter.”