Facebook: The New Red Flag System

Hey, so remember how I had a mysterious cute co-worker about whom I could find no information? And how I stalked him mercilessly via the internet until I found out so much information that I actually felt a little bad? And how I included him in the group email that went out about happy hour drinks right before my April break, only to discover that aides do not use their school email accounts at all? Yeah, I think that one might be dead in the water. Oh, he’s still interested, as far as I can tell, but at this point I am nervous to even have a conversation with him lest some piece of information slip out that I should have no reasonable way of knowing. I don’t need to get all Lisbeth Salander up in this piece.

Anyway, let this be a lesson to everyone: the internet is a place of much information. If your name is on shit, I will find it.

Despite not making any progress whatsoever with the co-worker, I have been asked on a date by a physics teacher. In the spirit of not spending all my free time crushing on Giles from the comfort of my couch, I have agreed, despite the red flags that have been going up all over the place.

Red flag #1: He has a pet rabbit. A PET RABBIT. A grown ass man with a bunny? That is some sort of creepy.

Red flag #2: He immediately sent me a friend request on Facebook, which means he has no sense of personal boundaries.

Red flag #3: On his FB page he includes not only multiple updates about his rabbit, but also a note from a year ago in which he talks about his on again, off again issues with depression and breakups.

DUDE. If you are trying to get me interested, don’t hand me a key to all your worst character flaws before we’ve even gone on a first date!

He does have some redeeming qualities, such as being smart, and nice. He is marginally attractive. He’s a foodie and cooks and blogs about it. It wouldn’t be a total loss to have someone buy me a nice dinner, right? As long as he doesn’t tuck his t-shirts into his jeans I think I can at least manage to maintain pleasantries for an hour.

If he does, all bets are off, degree in particle physics or no.

About npw

If you're reading this, you probably already know me. If you don't, I'm so sorry for you.
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17 Responses to Facebook: The New Red Flag System

  1. NGS says:

    You made me happy because I recognized your pop culture references and I NEVER DO!! I’m clueless, live in cave woman, but I understood Lisbeth and Giles without clicking on hyperlinks. You made my day!

  2. Corinne says:

    Anyone who discusses breakups and depression on Facebook is an automatic no. You’ll just end up as a status update.

  3. Dingo says:

    By allowing you to see his FB page with all its gory details, I think he was trying to warn you away. I say heed that warning.

  4. See, now I was all ready to be forgiving about his low number of facebook friends (I don’t use facebook all that much, either), but you didn’t mention the depression note! Uh… the fact that he has that up there AND HE FRIENDED YOU… dude. That’s even more suspicious than the pet bunny.

  5. courtney says:

    Haaaaa, love the Dragon Tattoo reference. I say if you see enough redeeming qualities to go out w/this guy, then go for it. Those are some serious red flags, but if he’s smart and nice, I say it’s worth giving him a shot.

  6. Jess says:

    Definitely worth a date. But important to keep those red flags in mind… because they are definitely warning signs.

  7. mickey says:

    Yeah, with all those flags a jean-tuck should definitely be a deal breaker.

    I had a pet rabbit once. I was nine, with no history of depression or relationship troubles.

  8. lizgwiz says:

    You know, I can’t judge anyone by how quickly they Facebook friend me. I just can’t–it’s so pervasive now among my group of friends and acquaintances. I don’t even think twice any more about accepting requests from people I barely know. Weird, I know.

    A bunny? I’m going to be strangely charmed by that until you give me a reason to be freaked out. Hee.

  9. It’s all a ploy to make the aide dude jealous, right? Totally ok.

  10. Your posts make me laugh out loud! When are you going to write a book?! Love the Salander reference (as noted on twitter earlier:)). Keep us posted! If anything, this date will make for an amazing blog post.

  11. lex says:

    Dunno Shell……a pet bunny he updates about??!!

  12. Mumsie Lou says:

    There is just something not right about a man who plays with his bunnies….just sayin

  13. blakspring says:

    can you still back out of this date? if you didn’t work together i would say go for it but if it doesn’t go well, you have to see this person every day. might get awkward, especially if he will continue to pursue you (because why wouldn’t he) while you make excuses and stay away from the science lab.

  14. Kristabella says:

    I just started Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, so I know the name, but that’s about it.

    The pet rabbit would make me say no. But then again, I’m all for free meals.

    Much better than the guy on eHarmony that said he’s looking for a “thrustworthy” woman. And I’m not sure it was a typo.

  15. Aaron says:

    I’ve really got to hop on my light cycle and visit Tron-world more often because the lack of serious internet perusal (for things other than Blu-rays on Amazon that I really don’t need) means that I’m missing out on some serious NPW stuff. Tattoo?? As Liz Lemon is fond of saying, “what the what?”.

    Also, I’m torn on the rabbit thing. Could go either way. Also, I just got an email notification that you left me a comment on Facebook. Jinx.

  16. Aaron says:

    Also, re: light cycles, is anyone else Super Excited for the new Tron movie? Even though I know it will be terrible, still: Tron.

  17. Noelle says:

    I had a nice dinner with a foodie once. Just beware if he offers you rabbit stew… Or maybe go for it, it’s likely to be fresh.

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