The Mystery Deepens

As expected, my internet posse had plenty of advice when it came to the Case of the Impossible Background Check. You were certainly all full of ideas, most of them involving me asking out Mr. Mysterious, but unfortunately I think that is out of the question until I at least have some more solid character evidence to go on. You can’t just jump right into asking a co-worker out! C’mon now people. I know you want to live vicariously through amusing tales of my own deep embarrassment but I am not willing to do that unless there is either a) some kind of case built for him by mutual third party acquaintance or b) he actually reveals something about himself that I can use, like, oh, say, whether or not he’s married.

There’s also the not-so-minor fact that he should be the one asking me out. Yeah. I said it. Grow a set, PAUL.

But besides all that, there is also the situation involving the other aide, sworn archenemy of Paul, who is almost always present at happy hour drink time. How awkward would that be? “Oh, yeah, I know you said you really don’t get along with Paul but I INVITED HIM ANYWAY YOU’RE WELCOME!” I can be a bitch, but I’m not totally evil.

So for now, my actions are limited to the amount of awesome I display in my everyday work life, which, granted, is quite a bit. Since last I posted I have had two encounters with Paul. During the first of these I was discussing a student with another teacher and I couldn’t remember her last name. “You know, Lizzie something, seventh grader… what’s her last name?” And he half turned around and quipped, “McGuire?” My immediate (ridiculous) response was along the lines of, “HAHAHA NO SILLY”, or something equally inane. He then added, “Um, not that I was listening or anything.”

So. We have established he has a sense of humor at least, even if it involves Hilary Duff knowledge.

And I think we have also established that I am a total ass.

The second interaction was in class today when I was talking with another aide and she was congratulating me on my recent win with the robotics kids. I joked that the principal was going to need to build a trophy case just for my winnings (last week I also brought in another trophy for my champion Quiz Bowl team) and he laughed and said, “So you’re that good, huh?” My reply? “Yeah, being this awesome isn’t easy, but that plastic trophy with a robot on it commands RESPECT.” He and the other aide laughed, and then one of the handicapped kids tried hitting another kid with the keyboard so they had to actually work instead of listen to me gloat about my nerd victories.

The dilemma at this point, as I see it, is that by now he should have ponied up some personal anecdotes at least. The fact that he hasn’t tells me that either he is painfully shy, which is a waste of everyone’s time, or he really is married/coupled and hasn’t said anything, which is crap. Which do you think it is?

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If you're reading this, you probably already know me. If you don't, I'm so sorry for you.
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14 Responses to The Mystery Deepens

  1. DiaryofWhy says:

    That is a tough one. There is the always classic, “So, is there a Mrs. Paul?” Or, if discretion is the name of the game, a folded up note saying, “Do you like me? Check yes or no.” Oh, wait, you work in a middle school, you don’t go to one. Well, I’m stumped. I think you will solve the mystery eventually, but it’s probably going to take some time. Just keep chipping away. :)

  2. Jess says:

    I think the only thing to do, given the circumstances, is to just see if it’s ever possible to raise some sort of subject matter that could naturally lead to some kind, ANY KIND, of personal disclosure about himself, and see if he bites. If not, I don’t know WTF his problem is. It SOUNDS like he likes you in some capacity. But who knows? This man is a total enigma.

  3. courtney says:

    Well, you’re right. It wouldn’t be a good idea to ask him out yet, especially since you’re not sure if he’s married or not. Oh, and I think the Lizzie McGuire moment only establishes that he was listening to your conversation, which could either mean he’s interested in you or he’s an eavesdropper. OK, clearly I have no advice for you, other than to continue being your awesome self.

  4. Corinne says:

    I’m voting for shy and possibly slightly socially inept. I’d also volunteer to just flat out ask him questions, because I have no shame.

  5. claire says:

    Why are there so many married people walking around without wedding rings that we even have to be suspicious of this guy? It’s not fair, married people! Give us a CLUE. WEAR YOUR RING, IT’S FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY.

    I hear you on the archnemesis-at-happy hour thing. That wouldn’t be very nice. So my advice is to hit his car in the parking lot. That will give you plenty of time to chat while you wait for the police. “Do you think your WIFE will be upset about the damage, Paul?” (I kid! I kid…)

  6. OMG, it’s like being in middle school again!

    Oh, wait.

  7. RA says:

    I’m going to vote shy on this one, since I can’t observe this interaction in person. (How weird would that be?) I just don’t understand how no one knows if the guy is married or available. Do you know someone in HR who wouldn’t mind breaking confidentiality laws to tell you? No?

  8. blakspring says:

    i’m with corinne – just ask him. if you prefer, i’m willing to drive to your school and ask him myself.

  9. lizgwiz says:

    I still say to heck with his nemesis–ask him to join in a group activity. Then you can all pepper him with questions. And if he says, “that sounds fun–can I bring my wife/girlfriend/blow-up doll?” then you’ll have an answer right there.

  10. Kristabella says:

    GAH! I DON’T KNOW! I say you still invite him out to happy hour. Unless it is just you and nemesis, the nemesis can’t get mad because Paul works there too and he doesn’t have to hang out with Paul if he doesn’t want to. And then you can get him drunk and ask him everything you need to know!

  11. Noelle says:

    I like to think that he’s actually a Narc, like Johnny Depp in 21 Jump Street, and if he reveals too much then he’s going to have to keep his web of lies straight, so he chooses to just say very little and pine for you and the day when he can reveal his secret, after he’s busted the kids for drugs.

  12. Lisa says:

    Or perhaps he is waiting for a time when there are not others around? Those last two interactions there were other people you were talking with and he jumped in– to me that means he’s showing some interest/effort……People at schools gossip too much (or maybe that’s just my school) so I think he’s waiting to get you alone…..

  13. heidikins says:

    Perhaps you could hire someone to mug him, take his wallet, snoop around in his apartment, and then you’ll have all your answers.


  14. Allie says:

    Ooh! Mugging is a great way to meet guys. :)

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