Good citizens of the internet, help a girl out. There is a mystery to solve, and although I have prodigious skills in web stalking they do not seem to apply to my current situation, which is driving me crazy.
Here are the deets: I have this co-worker. For the sake of not confusing you all more than necessary, we shall call him Paul. Paul is an aide for the special ed department, and he only works until 11:30 a.m. every day, which for us is a little more than a half day. He also started working here halfway through the year to replace another aide who quit after being punched by a kid with disabilities.
At first, Paul was very standoffish, which I suppose is understandable considering I myself spent the first few weeks here actively hating everyone. However, eventually, likely due to my winning smile, he started smiling back, and one day he showed up in my classroom with a couple of the special needs kids. Our conversations are always very limited, as I am in the middle of class, but he always makes an effort to say something, which I am going to count as trying to be social.
He has a nice smile. I get the feeling he likes me. I would like to learn more about this Paul. Sadly, he does not have lunch since he leaves early, he is most often on the opposite side of the building, and he does not appear to be chatty and/or sociable in the “I’m just going to come hang out in your room” way most other teachers are. Normally, other teachers are the best resource in cases like this because they have all the gossip and they are usually dying to share, but I am quickly learning that no one knows anything about this Paul that I can actually use. Here is everything my other co-workers have said they think they know about him:
- He is married (he doesn’t wear a ring)
- He is recently single
- He may or may not have had Lasik surgery
- He is possibly a writer
- He possibly worked as a gas station attendant before working here
- He has a PhD
- He didn’t finish college
- He is the archenemy of one of the other aides, who also potentially (?) has a crush on me, but who is a religious conservative Republican
- He is “such a sweetheart”
- He is “really creepy”
As you can see, I am entirely baffled by all this conflicting information. Is he a dope who pumps gas, or a doctor who writes novels?! Is he married and kind of a flirt (creepy) or single and kind of a flirt (not so creepy)? Does smiling and waving and small talking even count as flirting? Sigh. Here are the things that I personally know for sure:
- He has no Facebook to stalk. Who doesn’t have Facebook?!
- There are no books listed on Amazon written by him
- He likes the Red Sox
- He knows the entire discography of Black Sabbath
- He has a nice smile
- He has 80′s villain hair (see: Roy Stalin, Better Off Dead) which may or may not be intentional hipster
Seriously, THAT IS IT. Tell me, do I just give up at this point? I mean, I enjoy the predatory hunt as much as the next girl, but really now. He’s just making it impossible.