What I’m Reading
Nov
30
Coming Out
Filed Under Uncategorized
Recently there has been a rash of people coming out of the blogging closet. RA finally told her parents, OPH told a friend, and now I’ve told someone as well. Blogging has never been truly secretive for me because pretty much everyone I know is aware that this blog exists, and whether they read it or not is up to them. There happens to be a pretty wide range of people who read what I have to say, from those who have known me since elementary school to people I’ve never even met. According to Google Reader there are just about 180 people subscribed to this blog. Who are all these people? I have no idea.
I’ve never really had to do the “sooooo… I have a blog!” routine until recently. It was much more difficult than I expected and it ended up being more like, “soooo… I have a blog! But it’s crap and you don’t have to read it and it’s really kind of personal so I’m just warning you now that it’s not, like, great literature or something. Don’t expect too much!” Which wasn’t what I meant to say at all except that I felt so awkward it was hard to get past feeling defensive about it.
The thing is, it’s really kind of intense to give someone a one-way all-access pass to your life.
Because maybe they’d read it and think, hey, this is great, now I don’t have to catch up on multiple years of your day-to-day goings on! Or maybe they’d read it and think, yeah, this really is crap. Or maybe they wouldn’t read it at all! What’s worse: disinterest or vehement dislike? Or worst of all, maybe they wouldn’t understand and try to convince you it’s not worth your time; that there are better, more lucrative things you could do with your writing. I adore the people I have met through blogging, mostly because they are amazing people but also partly because they understand this. There’s no need to explain it to them; they already get it.
For the most part I’ve always been of the mindset that I write what I have to say with blinders on. If I stopped to think about who might or might not be reading I would never be able to post anything of substance. That’s not an easy position to be in when the person reading doesn’t already know you- I don’t want the only impression of me to come from this writing. It’s part of me, for sure, but it’s not all of me.
I suppose after I gave out the blog address I could have made a mad dash to go in and edit all my content so that it reflected only the best parts of me. I could take out all the ranting posts about having my job cut, all the weepy posts about my breakup with Chris, anything that is not sunshine and sugar cookies and leave my blog looking like I’m some kind of freakish 30-year old Pollyanna. But then it would stop being me, and maybe more importantly, stop being important to me.
I may omit certain things and I may write about some subjects in a tongue-in-cheek kind of way, but this body of writing reflects more than four years of my life. I’m kind of proud of it, actually. And that’s what I meant to say.
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20 Responses to “Coming Out”
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And of course I write the first comment praising your blog. I think its fabulous, witty, funny, serious,…ya da ya da ya da. You are a great writer and I enjoy every blog u write. And I also enjoy reading some of your fellow bloggers stuff!!!!!! Keep up the good work!!!!
Um, I’m one of them…
My biggest concern was that my parents and family would read the blog but never tell me they did. And then I would launch into some witty anecdote only to be shut down by, “I know, I read it on your blog.” So far, that hasn’t happened, but still, I live in fear.
I kind of write with blinders on too. I mean, I know anyone can find the blog and that the address is not difficult to find. And I write with that in mind sort of generally in that I don’t vent or say hurtful things. When I write I assume that anyone, including the person I would least want to read it, could be reading. But I don’t think about individual people who I know are reading when I write personal stuff, because otherwise I would probably never write again.
So, when people are all “oh yeah, I might start a blog too” and then write approximately twice and never again, I feel this ridiculous sense of superiority. Like, oh yeah, blogs AREN’T so easy to write, now, are they?!
You summed up my feelings on blogging exactly. Sometimes I wonder how I come across to the people I’ve never met in person (like you!) but in the end, I write what’s on my mind, good and bad, whiny and happy, and that’s what a blog is.
Thanks to the blog tracking software I have, I know my mother checks my blog daily. I also figured out that the current Modern Fella went back and read through pretty much my entire archive. I sort of flipped out in figuring out both of those things, but with my mother I’ve come to the conclusion that if she chooses to read my blog, she’s going to have to live with the consequences of whatever she reads although I do self-edit now so as not to talk about sex. On the MF, I’m more encouraged. He read everything I’ve shared about myself about my love life, job, etc, and still wants to be with me. Since he’s the first guy I’ve had a serious relationship post blog creation, I like to think maybe I’ll have better luck with him because he got into this relationship KNOWING who I was and what I was all about.
Also, I love what you said about making friends with other bloggers — they already get it.
“What’s worse: disinterest or vehement dislike?”
Personally, I can live with disinterest more easily. Some people I know IRL just don’t read blogs (though I don’t understand that, I can accept it), and so it doesn’t bother me if they don’t read *my* blog. If they read mine, and told me they hated it? Uck.
I do find that if I haven’t talked to someone in a while, and they read my blog, they know what I’ve been up to, and I’m totally out of touch with them. That feels weird.
Also, I have trouble with the issue of should I assume that someone who sometimes reads my blog has read about a certain event, or do I have to tell them it happened. Uncertain footing, conversationally speaking.
lady, you got a lot to be proud of. and you are a great writer. i am so glad i found you
There has been a rash of “coming out” lately, hasn’t there?
My blog isn’t completely anonymous, by any means…but I still don’t want my mother reading it. I already have to try to explain to her what some of my Facebook friends “mean” by some of their updates. Heh.
I love your blog! And remember, 2 years ago, when we met through Secret Blogging Santa?
When I first started, I kind of told everyone, but most people didn’t get it so they didn’t read. Then I got fired for it, so I told NO ONE. You had to be in my circle of trust.
And it’s not because I talk about people (minus today’s post about my cousin) or am mean or anything, it’s just that it is me. And I don’t like the idea of some random person at work getting to KNOW the real me. And know how awesome I am.
Does that even make sense?
But I do love it and I love the friends I’ve made and the friends who GET it. Who you can ramble to about commenters and Twitter, etc. and they GET IT.
I know exactly what you mean! I outed myself recently, too, and it was scary and cathartic and left me feeling proud… and also weirdly apologetic.
You rock!!!
You should be proud! I LOVE this blog and my only regret is that I don’t live closer to you so I could do cool things like go to book clubs and eat southern food!
I *almost* gave a current parent of mine my blog address. What the hell was THAT moment of insanity!?!? No idea but thankfully I caught myself in time….
Yes, you totally summed that up wonderfully. I feel the same way. I’m guessing the person you told was the New Boy? I’m leery about telling dating prospects about my blog partly because then I can’t write about the dates, but also because it doesn’t really seem fair. Like you said, it’s an all-access pass. It’s almost a playbook of what I like and don’t like, how I think, what I’ve been through, what annoys me, etc., etc., etc. Those are all things he should have to learn himself over time, not study some manual to figure out. You know?
No lie, I just read this like, a minute after posting something on the FC about how I’m both embarrassed and proud of my old posts. There’s more, but it’s kinda redundant now.
I love what you wrote which isn’t surprising to anyone who reads your blog.
I think the whole “coming out” of the blogging closet depends on the person. For me, it was easy to do but I’m the type that could pour out my life history to someone I met on a bus. Or at least the funny things, just to make them laugh. If I wasn’t in my anti-social, “Dude, I’m reading here” mood, of course.
Ra, there is nothing more irritating than starting to tell someone something and have them say “Oh, yeah, I saw that on your blog or facebook” and then I seethe because “hello, how am I supposed to know that because you don’t comment, damn it!” I have issues, I’m aware of it.
You should be proud of it, lady! It’s a great blog and you’re a wonderful writer and gosh darn it, people like you.
Hi! I’ve been away for a while amidst grad school apps and a newly acquired full-time job that has taken over MY SOUL. Ugh… but since I didn’t stop by to whine, I wanted to say HELLOOOOOOOOO and tell you how much I love your stories. You’re funny and I appreciate that! Oh, and I had no idea you’re seeing someone and I’m looking forward to juicy details. Will be back shortly now that my life is finally slowing down and I’m feeling like myself again:) Happy Holidays!!!! XOXOXO