What I’m Reading
Nov
12
I Will Date Every Single One Of You
Filed Under Uncategorized
According to my last post, I should be dating my blog readers. This makes a certain amount of sense, I suppose; I mean, if you enjoy what I write it’s likely you’re going to be able to follow the strange ruminations of my brain, and that is half the battle with me. Alas, most of my readers are married and/or female, so it’s unlikely that my blog will provide a viable dating pool in the end. Still, it does make me happy that my readers are all such awesome people, and if we ever both become lesbians at the same time, I’m positive Noelle and I will be very happy together.
I would also like to clarify that I do not hate Midwesterners at all, I just think Midwestern boys would have a difficult time with my cold New England ways. They just could not understand my Puritanical roots! It’s in my blood, boys. Really I should have included upstate New York in that list instead, as the last three men I have had relationships with were originally from that region, each progressively closer to the Canadian border. This information must indicate something about my personality or who I am attracted to, but I have no idea what that might be. Maybe that I should move to Toronto?
Anyway, I am very happy that tomorrow is Friday, for both the obvious reasons and also because I am going to see my imaginary boyfriend Mike Doughty play at the Regattabar in Harvard Square. Unfortunately, I am also bringing a date to said show, so I will have to be sneaky as to how I get Mr. Doughty into my car with me after his set.
I’m only half kidding.
Actually, this date I am bringing with me will be our fourth (fifth? I don’t remember), and I have no idea where it may be going. I’ve decided to just roll with it for now. It seems easier that way- you know, if it turns out he’s a major dick, well, okay then. If it turns out he’s okay, so much the better, right? Although, if he does end up being a somewhat permanent fixture around here I suppose I will need a blog name for him. Suggestions?
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17 Responses to “I Will Date Every Single One Of You”
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I don’t know; I kind of like “Major Dick” as a blog name. It makes him sound like an astronaut.
Oooh I hope he turns out to be cool! Like, for real. Fingers crossed.
Okay, I notice that while you said you don’t hate Midwesterners, you didn’t say that about us Southerners. Does that mean you do hate us? I promise we’re not all hillbilly hicks. Some of my relatives are, but not all of them.
I’m with flurrious (as usual, since she’s hysterical). I think “Major Dick” would be an awesome blog name too.
Definitely, either “Major Dick” or “Dick Major.”
Oklahomans are sort of a weird hybrid of Midwestern/Southern. I don’t suggest you date one of us.
This guy better not be a dick, but if he is then I vote for “Major Dick” as well. Or perhaps Le Douchebag?
major dick is good….but I like “the boy” better.
You could use the standard term me and my friends use – Dude.
Crossing my fingers that Dude is awesome and cool and passes the test from your previous post. Since I’m having zero luck, I figure SOMEONE out there should be having good dating luck instead of me!
I was thinking “the boy” and/or “Dude” as well if he’s not a Major Dick.
I am making my co-worker take your test. Other than the whole Minnesota thing and the fact that he grows a beard in the winter, I’m pretty sure he’d be a good match. Especially since Mike Doughty is his favorite singer. I have not yet convinced him he should move to Boston yet. Something about him buying a house on Monday or something dumb like that. Men are irritating sometimes.
I will go gay for you any day of the week, NPW.
If he doesn’t turn out to be a major dick, perhaps minor dick?
Wait, wait, wait. So you don’t really hate Midwesterners, but you stand by your original statement of hating people from the Deep South? This could put a damper on our relationship if we ever go lesbian.
I got a 93. Not bad, not bad at all. I had a 97 until I got the deoderant and showering every day part.
The few times I’ve been to the Midwest I’ve been overwhelmed by how nice and cosiderate everyone is (especially while driving!), but I know what you mean. It’s a compatibility issue. We talk too fast, are too impatient, etc. And as for the South… dude, they have too many alligators down there. I’m sure the people are very nice, but ALLIGATORS. They hide in the water and eat you.
Love, happiness and opportunity is just around the corner. But we need the take the requisite risk in order to know the genuine article. Just keep it up and observe. Life is all about lessons.
as ridiculous as some of your dates have been, where are you finding the men in general? are there just more single dudes in mass? because i mainly have to go on vacation to find ‘em – hehe.
I had to come over from Facebook to see if I’d missed something. You had a GOOD DATE? Several of them? For reals?? Yay! Sheer rules of probability should dictate that it has to happen eventually, but for some reason, the math is still rarely on my side. Anyway, congrats, good luck, and all that.
Oh, and if it doesn’t work out, I can totally see you and Noelle being very happy together.
I married a Midwestern boy I met in Upstate NY, but I think he is something of an enigma.
You and Noelle would have like the world’s coolest registry.