What I’m Reading
Nov
10
The NPW Dating Compatibility Quiz
Filed Under Uncategorized
I got this idea from the Big Book of Bad Dates, and modified it to fit my own life. I’ve found that I am not at all compatible with these traits- HOWEVER! It’s not like any one trait would throw me off entirely. It’s more like the sum of the whole. So please don’t leave me a comment about how I am discriminating against people who like NASCAR (even though I actually am), or how I am too picky and thus do not deserve to date. I tell myself that often enough, I don’t need to read it in a comment as well.
Start with 100 points; subtract 1 point for each of the following statements you believe accurately describes you.
1. I am an only child
2. I live with roommates or my parents
3. I am 10 years older or 10 years younger than NPW (NPW is 30)
4. I have a kid or kids
5. I am not employed or I only work part time
6. I have been convicted of a crime or I should have been convicted of a crime but somehow I didn’t get caught or I got off
7. I would consider myself “over-educated and under-employed”
8. I am in debt up to my eyeballs, for reasons other than education
9. I do not tip waitstaff the full 20%
10. I own a hand gun
11. College just wasn’t for me, or I never got over how awesome that one beer pong win was in the Spring of ‘99
12. I was in a fraternity
13. I eat McDonald’s at least once a week
14. I am a vegan or raw foodist
15. I don’t drink alcoholic beverages and/or caffeinated beverages
16. I drink to get drunk on a weekly basis
17. I drink my coffee with more cream and sugar than actual coffee
18. I have a gluten allergy, nut allergy, or any allergy that does not allow me to eat certain things
19. I would consider myself a picky eater
20. I prefer chain restaurants to local places
21. I believe a woman should do the cooking and the laundry
22. I have a vanity plate
23. I regularly drink Red Bull
24. I am a smoker
25. I consider myself a casual or recreational drug user
26. I have been through a 12-step program
27. I need meds to get through the day or I probably should take meds to get through the day
28. I suffer from social anxiety
29. I have been diagnosed with or currently have a sexually transmitted disease
30. I can’t get it up
31. I was raised as or am currently a practicing: Catholic, Mormon, Jehovah’s Witness, Wiccan, Sikh, Baptist, or any religion that participates in speaking in tongues or snake handling
32. I am from the Midwest or the Deep South
33. I am a Scorpio, Aquarius, or Leo
34. I have taken a picture of myself in the bathroom mirror with my shirt off with my camera phone
35. I have taped myself having sex, I have posted an ad in Craigslists Casual Encounters, I have participated in a threesome, or I have paid for sex
36. I refer to myself as an existentialist
37. I claim to enjoy French New Wave cinema
38. I have never left my home state and/or hometown or have never been out of the country
39. I do not have a best friend and/or nobody considers me their best friend
40. I currently have a girlfriend, wife, and/or am gay
41. I am divorced
42. I have never been in a relationship that lasted longer than 6 months
43. I have cheated on a former girlfriend
44. I have never been in love
45. I wear gold chains or a cross or a pinky ring
46. I refuse to dance even when I’ve had a couple of drinks and I’m at my best friend’s wedding
47. I think women should open their own doors
48. I do not enjoy television
49. I collect VHS tapes
50. I own a light-up beer sign and/or kegerator
51. I collect empty beer, liquor or wine bottles and display them on my windowsill/headboard/fireplace mantle
52. I refuse to pay $5 a month for texting
53. I sleep on a mattress on the floor, a couch, a blow-up mattress, and/or a futon
54. I don’t remember the last time I changed the sheets on my bed
55. The last time I read a book it was required reading
56. My preferred reading materials include Maxim magazine and/or anything by Dan Brown
57. I have a subscription to a porn magazine
58. I do not know what NPR, NASA, and/or PMS stands for
59. I am under 5’9”
60. I don’t wear deodorant
61. I do not take a shower or bathe every day
62. I don’t brush my teeth twice a day
63. I own sweatpants and will wear them in public
64. My hair is longer than yours, my hair is dyed, or I consider my hair to be “emo” or “hipster”, I have dreads
65. I refuse to wear flip flops, even on the beach
66. I wear “tighty whities,” or “novelty” or “holiday” boxers/socks/ties
67. I think t-shirts and cargo shorts are appropriate for every occasion
68. I have a full beard, mustache and/or muttonchops
69. I have a tattoo of a Looney Tune, Disney character, woman’s name, barbed wire around my bicep, rosary around my neck, a tramp stamp, and/or a face tattoo
70. “Bro” and “Brah” are things I say frequently
71. I consider myself a “regular guy,” or an “average joe”
72. I use the term “lol” and/or emoticons more often than I use real words
73. I refer to women as “bitches”
74. I have used the phrase “I carry my God in my pocket”
75. I need every conversation to become a lecture
76. I never exercise, I go to the gym every day, and/or I am a former world champion curler
77. I run marathons and/or am in training for an extreme sport competition
78. I play in a band
79. My hobbies include dirt biking, 4-wheeling, and/or gambling
80. My favorite game is bridge, euchre, Monopoly, or D & D
81. I have an obsession with Taylor Swift, Britney Spears, or any other pop singer
82. I have an obsession with football, golf, NASCAR or country music
83. I do not play video games
84. I think being a teacher is the easiest job in the world
85. I have a tanning membership
86. I am a registered Republican
87. I enjoy singing karaoke
88. My favorite band is U2, Coldplay, Nirvana, or Phish
89. I hate the Beatles
90. I have over 350 friends on Facebook or MySpace
91. I don’t “believe” in social networking
92. I prefer calling to texting
93. I do not own a car
94. I drive a Hummer, minivan, conversion van, PT Cruiser, Ford, or school bus
95. I do not have a public library card
96. My car has a “No Fear” sticker, a Calvin peeing on or kneeling before a cross sticker, and/or my last name in gothic text on the rear window
97. I never wash my car or I wash my car weekly
98. I would consider “playing with my cat” to be one of my hobbies
99. I own a snake, spider, lizard, rat, or ferret
100. I really love my pit bull or Rottweiler
Scoring
96-100 Clearly you are a big liar…or my knight in shining armor. Call me immediately for a date! Or to propose! I’ll be happy to give you the best (or next) 4 years of my life.
71-95 Three scenarios are possible: we will go out on 1-2 dates and you will fall in love with me and I will find you wretched OR we will go out on 1-2 dates and I will fall in love with you and you will find me tedious OR we will go out on 1-2 dates and decide we’re better off as friends. Things will be awkward for awhile but we’ll appreciate each other in the end. This is the most likely scenario.
51-70 The best opportunity for a bad date. We have just enough in common, or you’re hot enough that I’ll agree to go out with you. I will probably even be hopeful about it. Give him a chance! Maybe he’ll surprise you?! It will be painful and embarrassing and a huge waste of precious time. Of course, it will be fun to tell my friends about later. Sayonara suckah.
31-50 It could never and will never work. Of course, that doesn’t mean I won’t go out with you. I’ll give it the old college try and will hate every second of the experience. I will vow never to see/call/talk to you again and I will resent you and look forward to mocking you at my earliest convenience. Or, we will move in together.
0-30 Move along. You should be ashamed of yourself. I’m ashamed of you. Your mom is, too.
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28 Responses to “The NPW Dating Compatibility Quiz”
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…yeah, apparently we shouldn’t date. I’m a 67…
)
xox
I totally agree with everything you have here, but I think certain things should be weighted more heavily than others:
Lives with roommates: minus one
Lives with his parents: minus ten
Has an STD: GAME OVER
I never thought I’d say it, but I’m starting to miss the Boston dating scene, if only for the blog fodder.
I scored a 91 …
Hmm…
I took your quiz.
A couple of things:
#19 Being a picky eater is a curse and an embarrassment. I know all too well. Still, what can be done?
#65. Flip-flops are the carriers of bacteria in such levels that would make any science lab in the world cringe. Having said that, cute girls can pull them off, but no guy can. Ever. And fat gross people? NEVER EVER EVER EVER.
Your list pretty much cancels out every single guy on the planet. You probably think I’m a dick for saying that, and I understand. Sorry.
I’m a 94.
I got an 86 — unhelpful I know since I am a girl, also attached. I guess there was nothing to be done about me being shorter than you and having longer hair.
I laughed at too cheap to pay for texting; I definitely have those friends.
You hate Midwesterners! Fine, then! I guess we’ll never date!
Oh… wait.
Um. I think I’m your knight in shining armor. I fail at only:
40. I currently have a girlfriend, wife, and/or am gay (TECHNICALLY I don’t fail at these but I’m going to count the husband on this one)
59. I am under 5’9” (but only by an inch and I’m a girl… so maybe this one could slide?)
90. I have over 350 friends on Facebook or MySpace (I’m sorry)
So… 97! WIN.
I wish I could date you NPW! Except, you hate Midwesterners for some reason. WHY? WE ARE NICE PEOPLE! AND WE LIKE CHEESE!
Also, I agree with the hand gun one. In certain cases, i.e. I met a HOT cop on Sunday and I would let him own one. Well, because he has to and also I bet he looks hot in his uniform.
Even though I’m from the Deep South, I took your quiz. You might be interested to know that even deducting a point for that, I scored 86. But I’m a girl and so I’m going to give myself an automatic zero for that reason alone. I think you’re cute but neither one of us are into that kind of relationship.
holy hilarity. my husband refuses flip flops and it upsets me deeply. everyone’s feet are ugly! get over it! no one cares!
I don’t think you needed a quiz to know that I got a perfect score.
Dying laughing down here. Although, whatchoo got against the deep south? There are a few good fellas down here, I swear.
And I went through and tallied up how my fiance would have rated when I met him, and he’s a 91. And he’s gotten better since then. Plus, I don’t mind the beard.
I got an 87, but regret to inform you that I won’t date you.
I’m a 94, but I ignored the points lost for the height requirement and single-hood requirement.
So I guess I’m a 92.
Can I just tell you how hilarious it is that we ALL took your quiz??? That’s awesome!!
I didn’t take the test, but I just want to say BE AS PICKY AS YOU WANT. Don’t let go of what you want or what your expectations are.
I’m sorry, but judging by the scores, you might want to consider becoming a lesbian. I think myself and most of the women who took this did pretty well!
That said, don’t give up hope! He’s out there somewhere. Let’s just hope it isn’t in the deep south.
hey lady, i got 91. not bad i’d say. i could wear stilts but i am not not dying my hair. and i wish you wouldn’t hold it against me that i’m divorced.
RA wants me to comment and let you know I’m a 97. Although we both think the married thing should be worth more.
Har-de-hard on the French New Wave. On our first date, Mara correctly identified a picture of Francois Truffaut on my wall, and it was love (capital L).
93! No knight in shining armor, but at least I have never said “I carry my God in my pocket.” WTF does that mean?
OK, my eyebrows raised at #31, as *I* was raised Catholic and don’t think it should be held against me. Then I got to #32, and I said OUT LOUD TO MY COMPUTER SCREEN, “HEYYYY!” I’m sorry, NPW. I may be with you on lots of the rest of that list, but I have to say, the male version of me would be a CATCH, and there you go discriminating against me. The nerve.
P.S. Now that I realize we are all actually TAKING your quiz, I should tell you that I scored a 96, and that is only because my hair is longer than yours, without which I would have rated a 97. Apparently I am the perfect man for you, Midwestern Catholic upbringing notwithstanding. Naturally, Noelle still beat me, but that is no surprise.
[...] is the original post: The NPW Dating Compatibility Quiz : Nancy Pearl Wannabe Posted in romance Tags: and-modified, dance-even, have-never, love, matchmaking, pinky-ring, [...]
You know, there are like 5 or 6 GREAT guys IN the Midwest….. Obama lived here….. And Hubby too. He’s cool. Ask Dingo.
I’d agree with that though as a GENERAL rule….
Hmm.. I got a 95, but didn’t count the height / hair length / already with someone questions, so i guess that’s a 92.
Not too bad, i think. And I DO love my pitbull and i don’t care who knows it.
This is a great quiz, i’m going to take it now with my fiance in mind and see what he scores… probably much, much lower.
I’m ashamed to say I only got 85. I own all of my drawbacks (no, I won’t say which ones I lost points on), but I would like to express my EXTREME displeasure with #98.
Because…if that doesn’t count, I don’t think I have any hobbies at all.
I was a 77. I do love that we all took this test, very funny!
I am all for this sort of thing. I have a man list but it only has about 20 things on it. Of course, one of the items is “Must enjoy karaoke. Or, at least, be able to tolerate.” Although they cancelled Sunday karaoke on me so I guess that doesn’t matter anymore.
You do realize that the beard thing eliminates lumber jacks. Do you not realize how hot lumber jacks are? All that plaid and facial hair? Yum. Yes, I am odd. I know.
I can’t believe my gluten allergy and lack of siblings would make you less interested in dating me.
Although, the fact that we’re both straight and I have a husband are good reasons.