What I’m Reading
May
31
NPW + M. Lou > Thelma + Louise
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Ugh. Everything is such a mess right now. I’m a mess. My apartment is a mess. I had a mini-meltdown yesterday when my three year-old godson was whining that he wanted to go home and all I could think was, “so do I, buddy”, but I don’t even have a real home to go to at the moment so I just hugged him instead. The apartment is half-filled with boxes. I can only pack so much stuff at one time before the water works start up. I swear, if I could Eternal Sunshine my memories out of my head right now I would totally do it, it would make my life 100% easier.
The mornings are the worst. I wake up feeling miserable and it takes a few seconds for my brain to kick in and remember why. During the day I’m mostly okay, except when I’m not. I’m angry at Chris- for lots of reasons, but partly because he left it up to me to tell all our shared friends. And I know he hasn’t told them the full story, only his modified version. I’m also angry at myself for investing so much. I feel stupid, like somehow I should have sensed this was coming because why should I deserve to be that happy? I’ve already vowed that if I ever date again we will not be living together until I’ve got that marriage certificate. And even then it’s not definite because dividing up possessions sucks worse than anything I’ve ever done. I’ve also decided that any guy I date is not allowed to meet my family until he’s already proposed because until then he would not even deserve to meet someone as wonderful as my mother.
And if I never feel like dating again then at least I know I will always have her. She’s already promised to live to the age of 115 because by then I will be 90 and we will both have had very full lives and we can drive off a cliff in a convertible together and go out in a blaze of glory. Until then we will play Scrabble every night with the cats curled up on our legs and watch bad reality TV and I will never have to worry about her liking someone that I am dating, who will then subsequently break both of our hearts.
Sigh. I know it gets easier, but that feels like very little consolation at the moment.
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35 Responses to “NPW + M. Lou > Thelma + Louise”
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I’m having a really bad day, too. It does get easier, but the ups and downs never stop. I like the Thema & Louise idea, I could do that with my mom, minus the high body count.
Sometimes you just need your mom. That’s what they’re there for.
I am so sorry about all of this. It suuuuucks so much.
My husband and I have everything split up. He gets the dog, I get the sofa. It’s funny until I think about it actually happening.
But you might have the best mom EVER. And you never have to divide her up.
Aw, NPW. I so wish there were something I could say that would make you feel better. Breakups suck; there’s just no way around it. I’m sorry.
Your mom sounds awesome, though. Can I hang out with you when you’re 90, too? I’ll bring wine!
Ugh. This just sucks. I’m sorry.
I just cried reading your post. I don’t know if it’s because of my own personal problems or because I think that what’s happening to you sucks. Because even though I haven’t ever met you, I think you’re a wonderful
smart, sweet girl who does not deserve to go through all the things you’re going through.
I sincerely hope you feel better soon. I know you have a great family who will always be there for you. Never forget that.
Lots of hugs to you, NPW.
A
It gets easier. And I am so glad that you have your mom to lean on, it makes a world of difference.
xox
It’s so great to have our moms when shit like this happens.
Why u make yo momma cry at 5 in the morning? I agree with your whole post. Men are stupid and I cant believe he is kind of hiding out. All I can say is very immature…and u deserve much better than being treated like that. I learned 5 new words to blow you out of the scrabble water….bring it on girl. We love u so there…..and I want to go to IKEA too!
I completely understand! And I hope things turn around for you soon!!!!!!!!!!!! Do something JUST for you today!!!
Mumsie Lou rules.
You’re not stupid, and you do deserve to be happy.
Sorry for the suckiness right now.
I totally feel your pain. I caught both of my parents crying over the fact that The Teacher and I broke up, even though they were trying to be slick and hide it. I think that killed me more than the break up itself. How can I protect them from getting hurt when I can’t protect myself?
I love your mathy blog title, and my nerdy husband will appreciate it, too.
To all the rest of the junk you are handling, I say BAH. We do not approve.
I’m angry at Chris for that too, now. And also curious about the other reasons why you’re angry at him. But I also feel like that anger could be productive? Like at some point it will help you move on from this? I hope, anyway.
xoxo
P.S. Move to Denver!
Sounds like you need the new edition of the Scrabble dictionary before you visit your mom.
Sounds like you need the new edition of the Scrabble dictionary before you visit your mom.
Why did that post twice? It was barely worth posting once.
Hugs to you my dear.
I just celebrated the 5 year anniversary of my divorce this past Friday. Trust me, it is now something to be celebrated even though it sucked more than I ever thought anything could possibly suck when I was going through it. Looking back at it now, it was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I hope you feel the same way about your current situation soon. (Oh and don’t worry….it didn’t take 5 years for me to feel this way – it took very little time at all actually.)
Corrine’s comment made me laugh because my ex and I were the opposite: I got the cat and he got the sofa. Which was fine because I always hated our sofa.
I’d be really angry, too. But please don’t feel stupid. Investing in your own life is the best way to be. Sometimes it sucks, and sometimes it makes everything hurt a lot worse, but it’s also the best way to experience the good stuff in the world.
I’m so glad that you have Mumsie Lou.
Maybe we could all organize a nationwide Thelma and Louise brigade at some point.
Knowing that it gets better is never enough to make it feel better now.
Being angry is perfectly reasonable right now. It’s one of the five stages of grief, but what they never tell you is that some days you experience all of the stages simultaneously. It’s good to have your mom on those days.
I’m so glad you have Mumsie Lou. I wish I were that close to my mom. I know one day you’ll find someone deserving of both of you.
I have to agree that Mumsie Lou does sound like the best mom ever. Does she want to adopt at 32 year old? Because I might know someone. . .
I’m sorry this is so rough. And I’m sorry that you’re being left to explain or deal with the lack of explanation. That really sucks.
I fear I will get lost down here in all the comments, but wanted to let you know my brother and I are going on a cross-country road trip this week, arriving in Boston around Sunday. Would love to drown sorrows in whatever Boston offers to do so.
We always need our moms, don’t we? I’m happy that you get to keep her forever and ever.
I’m so sorry that everything sucks right now.
Be angry, be sad, be whatever you want to be. Hugs to you hon. Lots of them.
I was at the place where they filmed the end of T+L just over a month ago, and you could totally do it. You’d probably want four-wheel-drive, though, so you’ll have to trade in the Nissan.
oh darlin’ i wish i could hug you through the computer right now. it will get better – you know i’ve been there – but the splitting of posessions, the packing…that can seem so daunting.
you’ll get through it and you will be so much stronger, i promise.
Oh NPW.
I got pooped on by a bird today.
Did that make you laugh?
Being able to extract a lesson from all this means you are on your way to better. Hang in there.
I love it when grown women say out loud how wonderful their moms are. It’s about the most hopeful thing I think I could read.
I think you’re going to be just fine, and probably a lot sooner than you think. I’m three years post-divorce now, and what an amazing three years they have been. Best three years of my life so far, really. And like Sauntering Soul, it took hardly any time at all to get to feeling relieved and stronger.
The blogosphere is here for you.
I’m angry at Chris for you. But I’m happy that you have an awesome Mom and she is giving you all the support in the world!
It sounds like you’re getting better. I know it still sucks and it hurts, but you sound better.
And SOON you’ll have a home that you want to go home to. And then you’ll be in England! YAY!
It’s so great to have our moms when shit like this happens.
A greeting.
Mumsies are the best. I’m so glad you’ve got an awesome one.