What I’m Reading
Feb
13
This Post Contains Vital Information
Filed Under Uncategorized
Originally I did not sign up to have someone interview me, even though everyone else in my little corner of the internet seemed to be doing it. I had already done it once before, why beat a dead horse? But then I remembered that the person who had interviewed me before had never even read my blog before the interview, and likely does not read it now, especially since she is religious and also homeschools her kids which are two things I make fun of on a fairly regular basis.
So when flurrious put it out there that she would send some questions to anyone who wanted them I thought, here is a lady that makes me laugh, and not even because I am laughing at her. So, sure, why not? Also, free blog post! What what!
Alors, allons-y.
1. I recently confessed elsewhere that I used to have a crush on Peter DeLuise of 21 Jump Street, despite the fact that also appearing on 21 Jump Street was Johnny Depp, about whom my reaction has always been: meh. So my question is, who is your most embarrassing celebrity crush and why did you like him or her? Please be excruciatingly specific.
I have had so many embarrassing (in retrospect) crushes that this question is difficult to answer without going into five-paragraph essay form. But if I were to rank them in order and list my top three, it might go something like this:
- Number three most embarrassing crush: Corey Feldman. This is much more embarrassing in retrospect than it was back in the 80’s; the dude was in such classics as Goonies, Lost Boys, and Meatballs 4 but has since struck a new low with the drug problems, the girly-fights with Corey Haim, and a stint on some really wretched reality TV.
- Number two most embarrassing crush: Jordan Knight from New Kids on the Block. Again, AT THE TIME, it wasn’t totally uncool to puff paint his name on my Keds surrounded by little hearts, but when I see him now I would like to hurl all over twelve-year old me.
- Number one most embarrassing crush: Freddie Mercury. A middle school girl has no right to crush on a middle-aged man with a very large overbite wearing a spandex suit who is clearly very gay and also, hey, DEAD, but that did not change the purity of my love. I was convinced that were he not dead, HIV-positive, or gay, he would realize that I was the tween for him.
2. You have six weeks to do with what you will. All of your work and family responsibilities will be handled by someone else (not me), and you have an unlimited expense account for your six-week break. The catch is that whatever you do, you have to do it by yourself — no friends or family can accompany you. What will you do?
Does this mean I die at the end of the scenario, like I have six weeks to live? Or just that I get a random six weeks? I am going to go with the latter because I do not like situations in which I potentially fictionally die. And also, the latter situation reminds me of Brewster’s Millions and I am a sucker for all things Richard Pryor.
The obvious answer is travel. See how many countries I can make it through in six weeks. Find the most luxurious, decadent, and beautiful places on Earth. I’d consider taking that Virgin shuttle to the moon because hello, awesome blog story! I’d buy my way into celebrity charity events, I’d donate money to the causes that I care about without ever needing to stop in or volunteer at a walk-a-thon. I’d send postcards to Chris and my parents reminding them that I am on an awesome, all-expenses paid six week break and they were not. I’d buy them tons of presents and have them shipped back to the States. Six weeks on a Tahitian beach with nothing but trashy novels and waves sounds like pure heaven to me at the moment.
Mostly though, six weeks sounds basically like my summer vacation from school minus the unlimited expense account. So if you find anyone willing to offer me the money, I will gladly accept this mission. You have my email.
3. If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead, who would it be, what would you talk about, and what would you have for dinner?
I’d have dinner with Jesus so we could have a nice chat and clear up the whole Christianity myth once and for all. I would definitely record it for posterity; that way when the psych ward attendants came to take me away because I was going around telling people I had dinner with Jesus I would have INDELIBLE PROOF! And then I could start my own religion, where my blog posts would become gospel. Actually, it’s not so far-fetched; I am, after all, a Reverend.
As for what we’d eat, I think Christ would be down with Chili’s buffalo chicken sliders. I know I like ‘em.
4. If you had it to do over again, would you choose the same career path? And do you see yourself in the same career forever, or do you have secret aspirations which you have never told anyone because you don’t want them to laugh at you or tell you that you can’t, and if so, would you please divulge your secret career aspirations now to the internet at large? Okay, thanks.
Well this is a toughie. While I’m not particularly upset with any of my life choices, they being my life and all, there are many things I would not go back and do again. I would not choose the same university, I would not choose to study literature, I would not choose to pay an exorbitant amount for grad school, and if I’m being totally honest, I probably would not choose Library Science again. Or at least, I would not choose the school library track. But that may just be in light of recent budgetary events at my school.
In my heart of hearts, I always thought I would love to be a travel agent back in the day. Of course, with the advent of the internet that is no longer necessary, except for people like my dad who do not know the difference between email and a web page. My other secret dream job was to be a translator and I actually did consider graduate programs in translation and interpretation. I would have enjoyed working for the UN or the CIA. Sadly, two major factors prevented me from this career path: one, most positions required that you be a native speaker of at least two languages. Growing up in New Hampshire, I consider myself lucky that I even managed to learn one semi-proficiently; being bilingual was something that I did not even know was a possibility until at least high school, just in time for me to resent my parents for not having dual citizenship somewhere cool. Two, I think I may have grossly over-estimated my language skills. Sure, I got an A+ in high school French, but successfully conjugating the verb “faire” in the subjunctive does not necessarily mean I would be the best candidate to negotiate a hostage situation for the Red Cross. I mean, I can’t even remember the word for “penguin” when asked.
5. I would like to poke [name of person other than me] in the eye, for the following reason(s):
Judd Gregg for giving New Hampshire a bad rep. We’re not all Republicans, people, I swear! We’re mostly a blue state now!
George W. Bush for annoying me on a near-constant basis for eight years.
My principal, because she pretends to be my friend and then tells me she might lay me off.
Ann Coulter, for obvious reasons.
The person who writes the signs at the Baptist church down the road from me.
Many of the children in my school for forcing me to take their crappy phones away from them.
People who get in the express line at the grocery store with a cart full of stuff.
The guy who parks his VW bug three feet away from the curb on my street and makes me want to ram into him bumper car-style.
My landlord for not allowing me to have a dog.
The person who found my blog by searching “yummie veggy lazania recepis”.
Not flurrious, because she provides me with fun questions and bonus blog material.
And that wraps it up for this week. Next week I am on February break and my posting may be spotty so feel free to re-read this post whenever you miss me.
Comments
18 Responses to “This Post Contains Vital Information”
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My teenage celebrity crush was (among others), Corey Haim. While I still think he’s the more attractive Corey, I’m pretty sure I chose the wrong one.
In regard to tween crushes, the heart wants what it will. There is no logic.
I hear Tahiti is actually sort of crappy, as south Pacific islands go. Ruined by the white man (but then what hasn’t been?)
And I think that “If you had to do it over again” question is bullshit. It doesn’t really reflect your current satisfaction. Even if I had already achieved my wildest dreams in life, I’d want to do it over differently just for a change. Who wants a repeat?
Imagine the money you would make from your book deal after you had dinner with Jesus! Plus, it’s like, the Last Supper wouldn’t be the last one anymore! My god!
When we did those career assessment things in school, it always resulted in me being best suited to be a travel agent or a librarian.
Go figure.
Excellent answers!
I would write a better comment, but I don’t think I could top RA or Jess.
I will miss you!
This was a great post!
I totally had a ridiculously major crush on Peter DeLuise too. Now, I appreciate the wonder that is Mr. Depp, but back then, he did little for me.
Hope you have a great week off, Reverend!
Allie seems like an eminently sensible person.
I think I saw the reality show with Corey Feldman. As I recall, he cried a lot, which I guess I would too if I were Corey Feldman.
I will have to go back and read questions 2-5 later on, because I’m still laughing uncontrollably over the thought of lil’ NPW crushing on Freddie Mercury.
You mean you can’t say, “Put down the penguin and come out with your hands up” in French? Your education is seriously lacking.
Ummm, I liked Jordan Knight but I LOVED Joey McIntyre.
I recently impressed a student of mine because I knew how to say “I speak French” in French. Doesn’t take much….
I’m with 3Cs–of the Coreys, I was always a Haim girl. But don’t worry… we can still be friends. To each her own, right?
Unrelated to this, but I totally saw a Nancy Pearl action figure set this weekend.
The Freddie Mercury thing threw me for a loop, but yeah- I get it.
I’d take six weeks on a beach too- especially right now, mid-February, on a totally gray day. Yuk.
I love that you’d take Jesus to Chili’s. That really just made my day.
I have a church nearby with crazy sign writing, but I like their writing. It’s not too fire and brimstone. It’s actually quite clever.
I didn’t like Johnny Depp when he was younger. I never got the sex appeal until Pirates of the Carribean. Which is weird because he’s dirty and piratey in that movie.
I was much more of a Corey Haim fan growing up. And then I punched myself for even debating it when their reality show came out.
Corey Feldman, yes. Anything boy bandish, no. And Freddy Mercury, just his voice alone is enough to make my little heart go pitter patter so I get that one. Also, totally made me laugh. And Peter DeLuise was seriously hot so get it completely, flurrious.
I love the interview meme. It’s my favorite ever.
Jesus WOULD love Chilis. He knows his fan base.