What I’m Reading
Mar
31
Time Out
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So the thing about never having any time to myself is, it wears on me so much that often times I find myself dreaming about how awesome it would be to become an agoraphobic hermit. I run (sometimes literally) from task to task every day, and since I start my day at 5:30 a.m., by the time I finally roll in at 7 pm I have put in almost a solid fourteen hours and all I want to do is turn on my white noise machine and fall into the blankness of sleep. I feel tired every single morning. There is never a day when my alarm starts blaring some stupid Gin Blossoms song that will inevitably get stuck in my head and I think, hey, you know what? I feel entirely well-rested! Energized! Ready to face eleven year olds who pick their nose while having a discussion with me and then continue to type on the communal keyboards as if nothing is amiss!
No. I am never ready for my day.
That seriously stresses me out, feeling unprepared. And it’s not something I can really change- it’s not like I am showing up to school without lesson plans or something. It’s just the nature of the classroom, I suppose; it’s different in new and weird ways every day. Most of the time I feel like I am performing triage and monitoring the minor crises of middle schoolers. Do I deal with the child with a bloody nose first, or the child who is crying because he lost his folder? Do I tell the nose pickers to go wash their hands immediately, or do I wait until the end of class to send them because they’re just going to dig again anyway? The library was never like this. Sure, there were children to deal with, and annoying co-workers, and even more annoying technology problems, but when I was working in the library I never caught myself muttering at the gas pump in the pouring rain holding an inside-out umbrella and likely looking homeless as well as mentally unstable.
Unless you have taught before, I don’t think you fully understand my meaning when I say I have no time to myself all day. I truly mean all day- as in, I have to grab another teacher passing by in the hallway and force them to watch my class so that my bladder doesn’t explode.
Thankfully, I am nearing the completion of many of my school-related activities. Next week I will round off this year’s Quiz Bowl accomplishments by receiving my Queen of Quiz Bowl crown. Or, whatever, the kids will get their lame, regular-sized trophies for once again winning first place under my tutelage. Next week is also the robotics competition, which means both of my nerd crews will cease showing up at my classroom door at 2:05 every day, ready to create permanent frown wrinkles on my brow. I finished my SmartBoard training class today, so Wednesdays from 4-6 will no longer be spent trying to make lessons about citing sources engaging and interactive and I can go back to boring and instructional.
Then at lunch today one of my co-workers was passing around a sign-up sheet for a faculty-student volleyball game. I kept my mouth shut and tried to ease towards the other end of the table when my team leader snatched up the sheet and signed us all up for a month’s worth of volleyball practice. And people, I really wanted to protest. I am so tired every day. I don’t have time for anything I want to do, like writing, or going to the gym, or catching up on the 27 TV shows I have in the DVR.
And quite honestly, I kind of hate volleyball. My skin is very sensitive, and that ball hurts. Hey, shut up, you know it’s true.
But of course I kept my name on the list. T-E-A-M, that’s me! Also, S-U-C-K-E-R. Eleven more weeks until summer vacation and I really cannot wait.
Mar
25
Dudes. It is almost April. And I feel like I’ve posted maybe three times this whole month. Hang on a sec…
Okay, I just checked my posts and I am a big fat liar. There are more than three, but still, the number is not high, nor is the quality good. So, yeah… sorry about that! But hey, I am a very busy and important person and I simply cannot be bothered to transcribe my daily travails to the internet, especially when I am off doing things like playing hostess to the lovely RA at my tiny abode for the weekend, or making oatmeal-Reese’s pieces cookies with Janssen, or having dinner and drinks on a roof deck with Kelli and Julie. When you can top that, then you can complain to me about a lack of posting, okay?
Besides the whirlwind fun of last weekend, I am also currently buried under a pile of grading. Every quarter I somehow manage to schedule everything for every class to be due all at once, and every quarter since September I have kicked myself for being so stupid. Yet here I am, trying to read through 8th grade research papers on debate topics and wanting to slice my wrists open with a million Works Cited paper cuts, while also grading Power Point presentations, Excel spreadsheets, and website designs. The worst part is that the only person I can be crabby at is myself, for being so idiotic every ten weeks. Time management: I don’t haz it.
I have also been chosen to be part of a quest. This quest involves finding cute flats for one of my friends, a thirty year old woman who does not own a SINGLE PAIR OF FLATS. How does this phenomenon occur? Clearly it is a fluke, a one-off, a freak of nature that a thirty year old teacher does not own a pair of flats, but then, she only bought her first pair of skinny jeans two weeks ago so at least she is working to rectify her wardrobe issues. The dilemma: since she owns not one pair of flats, should she go for basic black or brown? Or throw a pair of fun colored shoes into a mix that is currently ONLY black and brown? I vote color, but perhaps my vote does not count since I own approximately 6,540 pairs of flats, and I am currently on the hunt for either yellow or turquoise for myself. What do you think?
Mar
19
Transformations
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Back in September when I first started at my new school (entirely against my will), I was very bitter. For the most part I tried to hide those feelings while actually at school because I felt that if I ever wanted to even try to make new friends here I should maybe not start out with a blanket I Hate You All stance. And I won’t lie, the first few months here were really tough. It’s still really tough to not be in the library. There are still days when I dread teaching 8th graders how to properly format a Works Cited page. However! I finally, finally, feel like I have a place here. I have co-worker friends! Who stop in with random iced coffees for me! And they know how I take it! Work WIN.
Last Friday I had drinks with a bunch of my former co-workers and I realized I truly miss them. We had a lot of fun together. But when I thought about going back there I realized… well, I don’t think I would. What I mean is, if the library was reopened at my old school and my current school and I had my pick, I would stay at my current school. Isn’t that funny how that happens? Just a few months ago I would have given my right eye to get back to my crazy library. I think maybe I’ve finally learned that change can be both difficult and rewarding in the end, even if it means crying profusely in the faculty bathroom for a week or two.
I’ve had some terrible bosses in the past, but the administration at my new school is awesome. It’s amazing how much of a difference that makes. With that in mind, every year my school district offers to pay for people who are interested in earning a degree in Administration. It’s a two year commitment resulting in a CAGS degree, or in other words, a Master’s in How To Be A Principal. And this year I decided I am going to apply. Can you picture it? Principal NPDubs?
I hope so, because they only have four spots available and there are six hundred teachers in my district. Keep ‘em crossed for me!
Mar
14
Spring Is Upon Us
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Does anyone else feel like they’re living in the middle of a damn lake? It has been raining here now for four days, pretty much a steady downpour that has turned the roads into rivers and has made me wish I had invested in that kayak last summer. But you know what? I would still rather have this rain than four days worth of snow. Bring it, Spring! And as usual, that dopey groundhog Punxsutawney Phil was wrong. Six more weeks of winter, my ass.
In the spirit of really sticking it to old Phil for his idiocy, I am going to list some of my fave spring things right now.
#1 All the Liberty of London stuff at Target. Florals for days! Lucky for me, the Target closest to my home seems to be some kind of well-kept secret because there is never anyone in there. When I stopped in today it was totally stocked with fun items! I picked up some flips, some flatware, and a cute tank. Heart.
#2 Daylight Savings is here! While I don’t necessarily love waking up at 10 am and realizing it’s actually 11 am, I do love seeing the sun until 7 pm every night. You know, when the sun makes a random appearance in godforsaken New England. Of course, this also means that it will now be dark again when I wake up at 6 am, sooo… maybe this one balances itself out. We’ll call it a wash.
#3 In honor of St. Patty’s Day coming up next week, a couple of friends and I have instituted the 7-day pub crawl, during which we drink Guinness at a different Irish pub every day for the week leading up to the actual day. As far as I know none of us are actually Irish, but we do a damn good job pretending. Corned beef, anyone?
#4 Trying to pretend to be Irish is much easier as a redhead, which is why I decided to dye my hair an auburn color. I was really, really nervous about leaving the salon looking like Pippi Longstocking, but luckily I think I avoided that. What do you think? Don’t hate me because I’m a ginger.
What are you loving about Spring?
Mar
7
Humbled
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Well hey there. I know it’s been a while since I’ve dazzled you with my wit and brilliance, but I’ve been in some kind of funk the last week or so and I did not want to bore you with the details. More precisely, I could not pinpoint any real reason for being down. So, in the time-honored tradition of women world-wide, I am going to blame it on hormones. Down with estrogen!
Anyway. I was freaking myself out the other day, thinking about how there are periods of my life that seem very surreal, even while I am currently living in them. Kind of like I’m just floating along, still living and functioning in society, still able to carry on a conversation, but my mind is just persistently elsewhere. It’s a nagging feeling like something is missing, and my brain is searching for it, but since I don’t know what it is that’s not there I’m always just struggling and failing. Sounds heavy, right? It seems so melodramatic to write it out that way, but most of the time that surrealism exists separately from my life and I am able to ignore it. Sometimes denial saves me.
So because I’ve been freaking myself out by thinking about how I am just floating along in life and not consciously trying to make things happen, I had quite the grounding experience last night. I volunteered to help serve food in a homeless shelter on one of Boston’s harbor islands. In fact, the facility used to be an asylum for people with mental health issues, people with incurable diseases like leprosy, and a drug and alcohol lock up. It is the hospital on which Dennis Lehane based Shutter Island, and it is as creepy as it sounds. No one lives out there on the island. The buildings look exactly like what you would imagine a deserted insane asylum might look like. You have to go through a guard station to get there, and over a long oceanic aqueduct to arrive at a compound of buildings you might see on America’s Most Haunted.
Let me tell you, when we arrived to find more than a hundred people waiting in line for what was probably their only meal that day, I was squarely present in my life.
The city of Boston buses over four hundred people out to that island every night, and buses them back into the city in the morning. What do they do during the day? Some of them panhandle, sure. But according to the shelter director, more than 30% of them have full time jobs. These people work forty hours a week at minimum wage and cannot afford to live. The saddest part to me was that these people truly had nowhere else to go. I cannot imagine a situation in my life that would leave me with absolutely nothing and no one to turn to; there would always be someone willing to take me in, no matter what. I know this, and I am grateful for it.
At the end of our shift the director of the facility took us on a tour. It was pretty uncomfortable for me to walk through the rooms with all the bunk beds set up, where people were lying on their cots with all their clothes and jackets on. It felt too voyeuristic, a bit like looking at caged zoo animals, and I felt that those people deserved a little more dignity than a bunch of gawkers poking through the only private time they get during the day. We also grabbed cups of fake coffee (called Javo, one of the men with blood all over his face snortingly pointed out) and sat with some of the people while they were eating dinner. One woman immediately launched into a story about how she had just that day beaten up another woman who was sleeping with her fiance, whose baby she was currently carrying. Her three other babies were all in foster care, and she had forgotten to take her meds, and at various points throughout this story she paused to sob loudly into her mashed potatoes.
Here’s the thing. I know this woman was probably happy to have someone just listen to her for once, but I still felt awkward, like I was suddenly supposed to take on the role of life counselor. Really, what do I say to a pregnant homeless woman with a four-inch long gash on the side of her face that doesn’t sound trite? “Buck up, tomorrow’s another day!” doesn’t quite seem to cut it. So I just sat and listened. And at the end of the night she stood up and said, “Hey, thanks for making me laugh. I really needed that today,” and shoved as many pieces of bread into her pockets as she could.
And then I went out to dinner with my friend and had a beer and thought about how grateful I was to be able to sleep in my super comfy bed with the heat cranked up. My life may have its issues, but it’s still pretty damn good. Lesson learned.
Mar
1
Never
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Okay, I swear, over the past few days I’ve thought of thirty-seven million things I wanted to write posts about and so tonight, when I finally get to sit down with my computer, obviously I would have zero things to share with you. I think for the sake of continuity I’m going to stick with the theme of things I have never done, to follow up with my shame-inducing “I’ve never read any Shakespeare” post.
I’ve never signed up for a triathlon before- until this week! So apparently in June I will be swimming in the Atlantic Ocean down in Hyannis, which for those of you who don’t know New England geography, is on Cape Cod. May the spirit of Ted Kennedy watch over me. I feel really ridiculous signing up for this, and even more so after I actually swam today for the first time in… an embarrassingly long time. Swimming laps is really not at all like playing Marco Polo. That box of Tagalongs probably didn’t help.
I’ve never watched one episode of The Bachelor- until this season! How I got sucked in this time around, a hundred seasons later, I have no idea. There’s really no need to make fun of me for this, I assure you I am chagrined enough for the both of us. Still, I’m really pulling for Vienna! Peace out, Ms. Saccharine Sweet Tenley.
I’ve never tried to sew any of my own clothes. But with the love for Project Runway coursing through my veins and suggestions from RA, I have decided to attempt a sewing project. I chose a black t-shirt with appliqued zebra stripe petals (and no, mine will not be heart-shaped). FUN! Wish me luck.
And before I forget, here’s the list of book recommendations from my last post. I marked the ones I’ve already read with an asterisk at the bottom. My randomly generated choice follows at the end!
1. Watership Down, by Richard Adams (recommended by OPH)
2. Life of Pi, by Yann Martel (recommended by RA)
3. A Widow for One Year, by John Irving (recommended by Katherine)
4. One Hundred Years of Solitude, by Gabriel Garcia Marquez (recommended by Azure)
5. The Tempest, by William Shakespeare (recommended by Noelle)
6. Not Wanted on the Voyage, by Timothy Findlay (recommended by Joey)
7. The Elegance of the Hedgehog, by Muriel Barbery (recommended by Genevieve)
8. The Grand Sophy, by Georgette Heyer (recommended by C.)
9. Water for Elephants, by Jacob Jankowski (recommended by Corinne)
10. Zeitoun, by Dave Eggers (recommended by Jess)
11. Captain Courageous, by Kipling (recommended by ccr in MA)
12. Time and Again, by Jack Finney (recommended by liberace)
13. While I Was Gone, by Sue Miller
Books I have actually read (AKA I swear my literature degree is not totally fraudulent!):
*L’Etranger, by Albert Camus
*The Grapes of Wrath, by John Steinbeck
*The Cider House Rules, by John Irving
*Crime and Punishment, by Dostoevsky
*Ishmael, by Daniel Quinn
*Ethan Frome, by Edith Wharton
*Jude the Obscure, by Thomas Hardy
*Anna Karenina, by Leo Tolstoy
*The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, by Michael Chabon
*Dangerous Liaisons, Pierre Choderlos de Laclos
And the winner of this round of You Choose is #7, The Elegance of the Hedgehog! I will pick it up this week and use it as a break from this month’s book club choice, The Sound and the Fury.