What I’m Reading
Apr
29
Spring Wishlist
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Shopping never fails to make me feel better and I don’t even care if it’s a girly cliché. Even just writing this post brightened my mood, despite the fact that I haven’t bought any of these items. YET. So here’s my spring wishlist- what’s on yours?
Sheila Bangles in Ocean Blue, from Lulu’s $18.00
I love pretty bracelets, especially stacking ones, but usually they annoy me so much when I wear them to work that I forgo buying them. I’m pretty sure these are called bangles because they’ll be constantly banging on my keyboard causing me to take them off halfway through the day, but they’re just too gorgeous to pass up.
Wood Marina Earrings, from etsy $25.00
I’ve been really into the wooden jewelry lately. Although I’m a little nervous about how sharp those earring backings look I love that they can be casual or dressy and I also love the neutral color of wood. Plus, organic materials and supporting local artists! Bonus!
Emma Sandals by Boem from The Tannery $210.00
I promise you that these sandals look much lovelier than this out-of-focus picture (if you click on the link you’ll see!), but I can’t seem to make the formatting of these posts work unless every picture is resized to giant. That’s a little lesson to those of you thinking you might want to host your own website: Blogger may be boring and ugly and kind of irritating, but at least it doesn’t make you learn XHTML just to throw up a picture of sandals.
ANYWAY, I love the jewel-tone color of these sandals and when I tried them on at the Tannery in Harvard Square they were like wearing slippers. They also look really good with skinny jeans, if you’re into that sort of thing.
Cargo Plant Love Eyeshadow (in Bamboo) from Sephora $20.00
More stretched out photos! Clearly I am very awesome at this.
This Plant Love Eyeshadow is made with natural and organic ingredients and the packaging is biodegradable. Plus, it comes in such pretty shades for the spring I think I won’t even mind the $20 price tag. Sometimes it pays to skip the Wet N’ Wild makeup section and go for the good stuff- you know, so you can avoid putting toxic materials on top of your eyeballs.
Avalon Tote by ONeill from Zappos $45.50
For me, this is the perfect transitional bag from spring work bag to summer beach bag. I also happen to love the pattern and the color combination. So hey, if any of you happen to be thinking, “Wait a sec, I have an extra $45.50 just hanging around in my checking account that I have NO IDEA WHAT TO DO WITH”, maybe you might want to think about this bad-ass bag. Oooh, and maybe these cat-eye sunglasses from Top Shop too! Summer is right around the corner, you know.
Apr
28
I’m thankful that we still have our British visitors until Thursday because it will help make this week go by much more quickly. The first week back after a vacation always seems really long but when you spend every working day deflecting questions about whether or not you think you’re going to be laid off it tends to get a little depressing. Shocking, I know. So instead I’ve been focusing on the fun stuff we’re planning to do when I finally bail out of this place and head home; so far it’s worked like a charm. You know, only mild depression every morning instead of forcing myself not to use another sick day.
And actually, it hasn’t been too bad. People are pretty sympathetic and appropriately outraged that there will be no library next year. I’ve been going above and beyond just to make it that much harder for them to justify getting rid of me- I signed up the library for an online book Scavenger Hunt, I’ve talked the kids into signing up for Shelfari, I’ve been providing the teachers with resources for web evaluation, I showcased the artwork I got from a grant in the library and invited our principal to come view it during the writing workshop’s “coffee house”. Basically, anything I can do to make myself seem invaluable. I doubt it’s working but at least I feel productive.
I was looking at the calendar and realized we only have about eight weeks to go before summer vacation. That’s not much time to sway the Town’s current opinions on what should stay (sports) and what should go (music, health, library, drama), but I’ll do my part. And then I get to go home and laugh at the Brits’ descriptions of eating their very first lobster and how disgusting it was to crack open the body while its eyes were still staring at them. Seriously, I thought they were going to throw up just talking about it. Hilar!
Apr
26
The British Invasion
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Cheerio, pip pip! I’m currently chilling on the couch enjoying some fine liquorice allsorts and Cadbury chocolate, just a few of the many perks of having British houseguests. We’ve been having loads of fun running around the city and even the Bunker Hill Monument was pretty interesting, once I was able to scrape myself up off the floor at the top. That thing is really damn high but the view was worth it. Also, it definitely helps that my cousin Nicola and her boyfriend Phil are super laid-back and really happy to do just about anything, so we’ve pretty much been laughing for four solid days.
The large quantities of beer and wine have helped some as well.
So far we’ve done the Duck Boats, walked around downtown, eaten cannolis from Mike’s Pastry, climbed the Monument, spent some time at the beach house in Maine, walked around Ogunquit and Portsmouth, done the Sam Adams and Portsmouth Brewery tours, and eaten and drank enough to make sure they go back to England two stone heavier than when they came.
A few highlights:
During the Duck Boat tour, the tour guide described how the Colonials overthrew the inferior British regime in great detail and then asked Nicola where she was from. “England!”, she cheerily answered. The rest of the tour found that quite amusing.
In the Sam Adams Brewery the tour guide asked if it was anyone’s first time drinking the Boston Lager. Nicola raised her hand and they asked her, “How’d you like it?” She answered, “Oh, I don’t like beer!” in her adorable accent. I guess she won’t be starring in any commercials but it was totally hilarious.
When my sister first met Phil she was talking really loud with hand gestures until he said, “I’m British, not deaf”.
Watching Nicola and Phil watch their first Red Sox/Yankees game while in a New England bar. It’s quite the experience.
Hearing everything we eat described as “gorgeous” for delicious and “massive” for, well, massive. My hostessing skills have been described as “brilliant” and my cooking “lovely”. Who wouldn’t want them to stay?
Now all that’s left is to get Phil a lobster because he’s never had one and finds them fascinating. I am not brave enough to boil a live one myself but luckily we can hop in the car and find ourselves in Maine, the heart of lobster country, in under an hour. Sadly, I am back to work tomorrow after a crazy week off, but I’m sure there’s still plenty of UK fun to come.
Apr
22
I’ve Got Issues; I Know This
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This afternoon I am picking up the Brits! I am excited, but I have also been having strange anxiety issues about it, like I am the representative for all of America and if my apartment is not completely clean and totally amazing they are going to go back to England and declare our country rubbish. If Prince William ever found out that the insides of my cupboards are dusty I would be mortified.
Because my brain is messed up, here are some other things I have worried about over the past few days:
- They are going to think Boston is boring because, let’s face it, New England is pretty much England, only a tiny bit newer.
- They are going to think we’re boring because, let’s face it, we are kind of boring. In a nice way, I think, but still.
- They are going to hate me for making them sleep on a (mega deluxe Queen-sized) air bed for seven days because we don’t have a proper bed for our guest room.
- They are going to think we throw money around in an outrageous fashion, with our gigantic television and forty-three computers and gaming systems.
- They are going to think we are miserly with our sparsely (okay, barely) furnished guest room.
- The dream I had where I picked them up at the airport and they had brought over the Rage virus and were now turning everyone into fast-running zombies.
And many, many other scenarios resulting in little sleep and a whole lot of cleaning. Seriously. I was on my hands and knees to get the dust from under the refrigerator this morning. I HOPE THEY APPRECIATE IT.
Apr
20
Tour Guide Extraordinaire
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Happy Patriot’s Day! Wait, is that a real holiday, or just another one of the made-up Massachusetts holidays like Evacuation Day? Around these parts it’s also Marathon Monday, aka the one day a year that I’m glad I do not live in a gorgeous downtown brownstone and instead live in one of the burroughs far away from the massive foot traffic. I watched some of the marathon coverage this morning in my pajamas with a cup of coffee and a maple walnut scone and that is about as close as I will ever come to running 26.2 miles. The streets downtown were crowded with people watching the runners, and then as they started panning the streets down by Boston University you could see even more crowds emerging from the T in their Red Sox regalia. Why would they plan a baseball game at Fenway on the same day as the marathon, you might ask? Well, that would be because Boston is clearly very awesome at planning ahead (see: the Big Dig).
Anyway, today was my first official day of April break and I am happy to report that I have spent it doing nothing more than watching back to back episodes of Saved by the Bell and having lunch served to me on the couch by my live-in manservant. I mean, my loving boyfriend. I actually planned for today and tomorrow to be lounging days so that I will feel somewhat rested when my British cousin shows up at Logan on Wednesday. We have a lot of stuff on our itinerary including the Sam Adams Brewery tour, the Duck Boats, the infamous Freedom Trail, Harvard Square, a drive up to Portsmouth, NH to see the beach, and tickets to see Blue Man Group.
Yesterday my cousin called me to give me a few final details on her flight and I asked if she had anything she and her boyfriend specifically wanted to make sure they saw while in town. She mentioned wanting to see Harvard and her boyfriend said he was told he “absolutely must” see the Bunker Hill Monument. I didn’t want to openly make fun of it, but… really? That’s what you want to see? Okaaaay… that should take up about ten minutes time. Unless we climb to the top; then it should take about twenty minutes. Also, I’m going to try really hard not to gloat about how the revolutionaries kicked major ass at the Battle of Bunker Hill and I will also try really hard not to let Chris tell that joke about why Bunker Hill was slippery, but I’m not making any promises.
If it were up to me we’d spend the large portion of Wednesday evening drinking Boston Cream Pie martinis at the Parker House but I like to make a good impression as a dutiful Boston host, so Bunker Hill it is. Maybe we can get those martinis to go?
Apr
17
Wooden Teeth Are The New Black
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Seriously, what the hey-ho is going with the universe? Did I do something wrong and am just now paying for it in some cosmic way? Like I don’t have enough going on to worry about lately, I finally went to the dentist yesterday. I say “finally” not because I was lazy and put off going, but because my dentist delayed my appointment THREE TIMES, claiming she had the flu. One day I had taken off of work specifically to go to the appointment and she called me at 7:30 that morning with an excuse.
Anyway, yesterday I finally got in there and was all excited to get the ball rolling on the permanent crown that was needed to finish up the root canal that I got in AUGUST. That is how long things take at the dental school, apparently. When the student dentist looked at it she was all, “Gross. Your temporary filling fell out”, and I was all, “Yeah, I know, dimwit, why else would I be here at this dismal dental school in the middle of Chinatown?!” She said she’d just take the impression and put another temporary filling in there until the crown was made.
But because it is a dental school, actual, real dentists have to sign off on everything they do. So in came this ancient old man that looked more like he belonged at Hogwarts than the fifth floor of a building covered in grafitti advertising dim sum and took one glance at my tooth. “No temporary filling, and you need another root canal on that tooth. There could be bacteria in there.”
Umm, the fuck? How do you have a root canal done on a tooth with NO ROOT LEFT? And if there is the possibility of bacteria getting in there, why wouldn’t you help a girl out and stick something in that gaping hole where there used to be a filling? Do you even know how annoying it is to chew solely on the right side of your face? And also, DO YOU REALLY THINK I AM GOING TO PAY YOU FOR ANOTHER ROOT CANAL?! No, I am not. The whole reason I was going to the dental school was to save money, not pass it around to everyone like a pack of gum. Thank you for ruining my entire afternoon with your pointless three-hour exam.
Seriously. Have you ever even heard of needing a second root canal on the same tooth? And also, have you ever heard of a dentist’s office that asks you if you’ve ever been the victim of a violent crime, ever been in a relationship that involved domestic violence, or ever smoked crystal meth? I get the feeling my money-saving scheme has completely backfired on me here.
Apr
15
The Redcoats Are Coming! For Real Though
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I’m back from my bereavement time, and doing okay. Thanks for all the emails and phone calls over the past few days, it’s really great to know that people all over the world have got your back even when you are in the suckiest of sucky moods. For an extended period of time. Say, like, an entire school year. My point is, it helps to have friends who will offer to roundhouse kick the people who annoy me, which at this point are many.
The pink slips went out at work this week and the only real sentiment I could muster was, “what, they couldn’t even hand them to us on actual pink paper?” Because seriously, getting white-slipped doesn’t really have the same ring to it. Anyway, many of my co-workers are very bitter about the notice even though it was explicitly stated that everyone who did not have tenure was going to get one per contract rules, even though they would not be getting laid off. I thought I’d be able to deal with it pretty well, this being my fourth year of getting one and all, but the sheer amount of negativity has driven me to continually check my balance of sick days and calculate that I have more than enough to call out sick for the remainder of the school year. So very tempting.
Thankfully I only have two more days of work before I am on a week-long vacation from the workplace. I would say that I was going to spend it sleeping and drinking margaritas but my cousin from England is coming to visit and Chris and I will once again be playing tour guide for the Boston uninitiated. Sam Adams brewery tour, watch out! I hear those Brits know how to knock ‘em back. We are also planning on maybe doing some hiking up in the White Mountains if it’s not too muddy still, checking out the beach, and of course, the Duck Boat Tours. I was actually starting to feel a little anxious about showing her around the “Birthplace of America” since the history basically involves us kicking British ass and stealing all the land for ourselves, but maybe if I don’t phrase it that way we won’t need to have a patriotic throwdown in the Public Gardens.
And after April break it will just be the push to make it through May and June and then I will kick back and watch the unemployment checks roll in. Anyone need a personal, live-in librarian? I’m really good at alphabetizing, I swear.
Apr
12
Better
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Well hey there, loves. I didn’t intend to leave my depressing post up there on top for so long, but life kind of got in the way last week, as it has a nasty habit of doing. My aunt who was sick last week passed away on Thursday morning and it was the first time I’ve ever broken the “no crying at work” rule. When I got the phone call I closed both of my office doors, which locks them on the outside, and had my back to the window in the library. As I was talking to my mom I heard my office door being unlocked and opened behind me and I turned around. It was the stupid teacher’s aide, but I assumed that when she saw my face she would turn back around and leave my office. I assumed wrong. So I was on the phone, crying and splotchy-faced, and THROUGH MY TEARS she asked me, “Do we have any more printer paper?”
If I didn’t love my phone so much I would have hucked it straight into her idiotic face.
Instead I just glared at her and turned back around, leaving her standing there staring at my back. After about thirty seconds of listening to my conversation, which distinctly involved the words “wake” and “funeral”, she finally left and closed the door behind her.
Maybe I shouldn’t be too upset about losing my job after all.
Anyway, this week will involve a wake and a funeral. It totally sucks, but I am feeling a bit better about things in general. It helps having my whole family around, and having a long weekend, and it certainly doesn’t hurt to know that after this week I am on vacation for a week. Plus, there’s this:
The lamb cake makes everything seem a little brighter! For my more sensitive readers I will refrain from posting the decapitation picture but I will admit I was very tempted to send the head to one of my readers this year. Creepy snail mail: proving skeptics of that newfangled internet-thingy correct once and for all.
Apr
8
Heavy Stuff
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I’m having a really hard time right now. I just thought I should let you know that in advance, in case you are trying to avoid any downer posts. There are lots of things going on in my head and in my life and recently I haven’t felt like writing about them at all. I keep hoping that things will lighten up, that something will happen to make me say, “FINALLY! A silver lining!”, but so far all I’ve got is a backup plan that includes one of my friends and I pledging to be hobos together if we end up jobless and penniless. The upside of that is that we both enjoy baked beans cooked over a trashcan fire.
Maybe blocking all this up in my brain is counterproductive though, so I’ve promised myself to try writing it all down. If it comes out sounding whiny, please feel free to skip this drivel and move on to sunnier corners of the internet.
As pretty much everyone I have ever been in contact with knows by this point, I may be out of a job next year. There is the potential for me to take the job of another woman in my district whom I don’t particularly like but would still feel awful making her jobless instead of me. There is also the possibility of finding another job in another district, which would not be so bad except A) I would no longer have any job security because I would not have tenure, and B) would probably involve me moving since no one is hiring right now. Seriously. There are literally three jobs posted on the library listserv. Usually come April there are at least twenty listed; this year, three. I have applied to all three, by the way. Even the part-time position.
Even if my job is somehow miraculously saved at my school, I am wavering on whether I want to stay there anyway. One of my good friends was recently told she was not going to be hired back next year after three years working in the school, and come to find out, it was because the principal is looking to hire one of her friends for the position. I have a very low tolerance for that specific brand of shadiness. This same friend of mine who was just fired (sorry, “not renewed”) also was broken up with by her boyfriend of 7 years just out of the blue. They lived together, so it was fairly messy, and a few weeks ago I helped her move into a new place.
Maybe it’s selfish, but all I could think was that if I were fired and Chris broke up with me and I had to move all in the same two weeks I would then be finding the nearest bridge from which to hurl myself. Can you tell my anxiety level has been ratcheted up a few million notches? Then I remember how often Chris has complained about our street and the parking and the city and our neighbors over the past few months and after a while it’s hard not to start taking the complaints personally, like I should be doing something about it if it makes him unhappy. What can I do about it right now, when everything is up in the air? He makes statements like he “won’t do another winter here” and all I can think is, where the hell do you want to go right now? THERE ARE NO JOBS. Of course, it’s all fine and dandy for him, he works from home and has the ultimate of flexible schedules. And hey, if he’s volunteering to be my sugar daddy while I’m looking for another job in another city that works for me, but somehow I doubt that is the plan he has in mind.
My schedule has been crazy for the past few months as well. Yesterday I worked all day, took a Photoshop class from 2:30-4:30, stopped off at the hospital to visit my aunt who recently had a heart attack and then a stroke, then booked it to an awards ceremony for my Quiz Bowl kids, then finally made it home around 9 pm to find Chris deeply involved in his video games. I am a pretty accommodating and easy-going person but it is really difficult not to feel a little resentful when you want someone to be there to listen and that person is intently throwing grenades at zombies until 2:30 in the morning. And when he came to bed at 2:30 in the morning and woke me up I could not fall back asleep, no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I told myself I would not wake up at 5:30 if I couldn’t get back to sleep and I was so frustrated I kept thinking about everything and just making myself more and more upset and, well, you can see how that spiral goes.
Please know, I have talked to Chris about all of this. It isn’t just me randomly bitching about things, and I know he gets it. Things are frustrating for him too and it can’t be easy for him either, having a girlfriend who is going through so much all at once.
People all around me are losing their jobs, their livelihoods, their sense of selves. I know my problems are not the end of the world; it’s just difficult to give myself any incentive to show up to a job every day where I know I am counting off the days till my lay off. It’s difficult to watch family members who are sick and will likely not ever get better. It’s difficult to watch a family business close after twenty years because of the economy, and to watch friends struggle to pay rent on unemployment, and to spend money meant for shoes and trips and fun things on resume paper and interviewing suits instead.
It’s difficult to not be bitter. But I’m trying.
Apr
5
Firsts
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Firsts! You know how this goes. Feel free to leave some of your own firsts in the comments so that I don’t have to feel like the sole loser in the Game of Life.
1. Who was your FIRST prom date? Cliff Senter, junior year of high school. We went as friends, but I had such a crush on him. Sadly, he was either in love with one of our other friends or gay, I still don’t know which.
2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? No way. Embarrassing.
4. What was your FIRST job? Grocery bagger at Shaw’s. That lasted for like a week before I realized I had way better things to do than handle other people’s deli meats. Like homework! And reading for pleasure!
5. What was your FIRST car? A giant white Oldsmobile that got called “Noah’s Ark” the last time it was towed away.
6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today? Hmm. No one yet. Interesting.
7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? I don’t know… Chris? He was right next to me.
8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Mrs. Lally. I think she had MS, if I remember correctly. She was all right. Now my third grade teacher, on the other hand, rocked the house. She was like 6′7″ and used to read Shel Silverstein poems while acting them out. Loved her.
9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? Orlando, FL. Disney or bust, yo.
10. Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk? No idea. Megan Beauregard? I’ve had a million of them. I just line ‘em up and knock ‘em out.
11. Where was your FIRST sleepover? My aunt Lisa’s house. I was three and tipped over the couch, and when the other girls told on me she scolded them for saying a three-year old would do such a thing. I piped up with, “But I DID do it, Aunty!” They should have known way back then that I would be trouble.
12. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? Chris, when I was leaving the house.
13. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? My cousin Nahil’s.
14. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? Brewed some coffee, obvs.
15. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? New Kids on the Block. Don’t front.
16. What was the FIRST vinyl record you ever bought? I’m thinking it was either Tina the Ballerina or Annie.
17. What was the FIRST cassette you ever bought? Sadly, I believe it was Tevin Campbell. But it’s also possible that it was something a bit cooler like Queen or OPP.
18. What was the FIRST CD you ever bought? Pearl Jam’s One album.
19. What was the FIRST mp3 you ever downloaded? No idea… I think I became immediately obsessed with the old version of Napster back in the day of blatant file-sharing and downloaded like 300 albums in one sitting. It was very likely a giant load of junk.
20. Who was the FIRST famous person you ever met? Geez. I don’t know. Carlos Santana? I’m from New Hampshire, there are not many famous people just hanging out on the street corners.
21. FIRST tattoo? None.
22. FIRST piercing? Ears, when I was a baby. Thanks, Mom!
23. FIRST foreign country you went to? France.
24. FIRST movie you remember seeing? In the theater-PeeWee’s Big Adventure.
25. When was your FIRST detention? You know, I never got a detention in my life? I came close to getting one in the seventh grade because I forgot to bring a book to Drop Everything and Read. Seriously: the future librarian forgot a book ONE TIME and almost got a detention from my MATH TEACHER. I cried my way out of it. I never said I wasn’t pathetic.
26. What was the FIRST state you lived in? Massachusetts.
27. Who was your FIRST roommate? Sharon Gold, freshman year at Brandeis. She was from Las Vegas and had never seen snow, so I introduced her by giving her her very first whitewash.
28. Where did you purchase your FIRST home? Ugh. Please. I can barely afford rent around here. Also, way to stick the knife in a little deeper.
29. Where was your FIRST child born? In my imagination.
30. Who was your FIRST kiss? Rob Spillane, in his beat-up old Chevy, in my aunt’s driveway.
31. What was the name of your FIRST elementary school? St. Mary’s Academy. Don’t look so surprised, bitches, this librarian knows her catechism. At a first grade level.