What I’m Reading
Feb
27
From The Trenches
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A hearty welcome from the Land of the Stressed Out and Hating It!
Look guys, I promise that not every post in the foreseeable future will be about me losing my job. I get that there are bigger issues going on in the world and that I am, at the very least, lucky that there will be some position available to me within my district. Thank god for tenure! I knew that bitch would come in handy some day. But for right now, it really is the only thing on my mind. I’ve spent the week in a fog which culminated last night in me accusing Chris of not caring about me at all because he didn’t do the dishes before I came home from work. At 2:30 p.m. Yes hello, I am insane. (Although he really should do the dishes, it’s totally annoying when he doesn’t and I do them, like, 75% of the time.)
Anyway, I have a meeting today with HR to discuss all things relating to my seniority and what positions will be available to me, etc. I have no idea what she is going to tell me but I do have an idea that the sick feeling in my stomach is not going to dissipate until everything is totally settled. And I might need to start brushing up on picture books because it’s pretty likely I will be relegated to an elementary school. Kindergartners are cute, right? RIGHT? I was also informed yesterday that even with positions available to me I will still need to interview for them! Thanks for adding insult to injury, lovely district of mine. I guess I should also start looking for suits while Banana Republic is still selling clothes for dirt cheap; at least there is one good thing about the economic downturn.
Obviously there are other options out there. A friend of mine sent me a listing for all the (many) library positions available in the Denver Public Schools and I thought hey, I could do Denver. It’s pretty nice there. One could argue that a cross-country move seems like a drastic measure to avoid working in an elementary school but maybe it’s time for a real change? These kinds of ideas floating around are giving me a constant low-grade nausea and anxiety. Staying in my district is beneficial to me monetarily and tenure-wise, but is it worth this headache? People: I DO NOT KNOW. Because this could all come down to nothing in the end. Next year I might still be sitting at my same office desk complaining about getting toner ink all over my new shirt, but it’s the not knowing, that unsettled feeling about everything, that is making me especially crazed.
Next week I will attempt to be joyful about something but for now I am sticking with the All Bad News, All the Time theme. I think you’ll understand.
Feb
25
Things Are Not All Bad
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Right after I wrote my last post I got the official word that my job is going to be cut. Not just mine, but all of the middle school librarians and about fifty other positions in the district. I’ve tried to be pretty zen about it all because there is still a margin of hope that the stimulus package money will come through in time and state money will be properly allocated but I am still finding the news hard to swallow. Lay offs are a bitter, bitter medicine for a budget gap, especially when they include me.
Immediately after our fearless leader went around informing all us unfortunate people that we will be losing our jobs I started running into clusters of teachers huddled together discussing who will be staying and who’s out. I walked into one group who happened to be fretting about me and when they saw me standing there they all turned their sad puppy dog eyes on me. People offer me condolences like I lost my first-born child or something and while I appreciate that they are genuinely sad to be losing me I don’t think I can take much more of the pity party without pulling down a bookshelf on myself.
Since I’m at the top of the seniority list I’ve been getting frantic phone calls and emails from the other librarians scrambling to keep their jobs. They all want to know who I will bump, which position I will take if mine is truly gone come June. So far I am ignoring them, mostly because I don’t know yet but also because I don’t want to have to spend the rest of the year’s meetings looking at the person whose job I stole.
Then today I started getting emails from my principal in response to emails I had sent about some printer issues with such gems as, “Here’s just another example of the things we’ll all miss when you’re gone 
“. Oh, really? You’ll miss having someone who actually knows where the power button is on your printer? GO FIGURE. Instead of making me feel loved her emails make me want to go out to the parking lot and kick a big dent into the side of her pimped out Mercedes SUV.
Anyway, bitterness aside, I am trying to take it all in stride. A bunch of us job-losers have planned our own commiseration party where we plan on drinking great quantities of wine and/or tequila and obsessively discussing how much school politics truly suck. So there’s that to look forward to. And also, my Quiz Bowl kids won their very last match today, all because my little lost boy Timmy was like a trivia buzzer machine, and also because he got up and sang My Country Tis of Thee in front of an auditorium full of his classmates for the extra point and the win. I think I finally forgive him for the twenty years he took off my life when he got lost in Boston on our Quiz Bowl field trip. And yes, thank you, my Quiz Bowl team is undefeated. I KNOW, I ROCK.
So hey, I guess I can go out on a high note.
Feb
23
Hey now. I’m back to the glory of my library after a decent week off, only last night I did not sleep a wink because my throat was so sore and scratchy and I kept eating cough drops but then I worried that I would fall asleep with one in my mouth and swallow it by accident and I would choke to death in my bed and Chris would wake up next to a dead girlfriend and, well, you can see how my mind works at 3 a.m. So today I look like I haven’t slept in a week, the dark circles under my eyes feel like someone stuffed them full of sand, and my throat is still killing me. WELCOME BACK TO WORK, NPW.
Anyway, breaking news from my school last week was that they were looking at even more layoffs than they originally estimated. Apparently, because they are such good planners, they need to lay off one additional person for every three they originally get rid of in order to offset the costs of unemployment benefits. Sounds like their plan makes perfect sense, right? Since it’s still February everyone keeps saying it is too early to worry about what the budget looks like but it’s kind of hard not to when your Principal has basically already said “there’s no money so PEACE OUT” to your face. Still, I am trying not to be overwhelmed or take it personally. During the day I am usually pretty calm about it but there’s no stopping my subconscious from coming up with horrible anxiety dreams where I am at a town meeting and they tell all the teachers to line up and then yell “HA HA, THAT’S THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE!” and then all the townspeople turn into zombies and eat our brains.
Sigh.
So that was the news last week, but then just today one of the union reps stopped in my office to let me know he’s 95% sure I will have a job next year because the stimulus package allotted this town two million dollars, which just about closes the predicted budget gap. Will that actually happen? Who knows? This is a town known for playing head games with its employees if they think it will mean lower taxes. Even though this town has barely been affected by the housing crisis or the economic downturn they will seize on any excuse to save a couple dollars. But let me tell you, listening to kids comparing the extra features on their hot tubs and then listening to their parents crying poverty gets old very quickly. Very quickly.
Feb
18
Well, here I am. On vacation. So far I have alternated between being annoyed at myself for waiting too long to plan an actual trip and feeling smug at the thought of enjoying a week of reading, watching movies, and eating lunch in the afternoon rather than 10:15 in the morning, all without spending an exorbitant amount of money to travel during the same week everyone in Massachusetts is traveling. But then that smugness only lasts until I go outside and feel the blast of icy air on my face and think longingly of the Caribbean trade winds that could have been mine if only I hadn’t waited until the Thursday before my vacation to look at airfare. I guess the bottom line here is, I suck at planning.
So I’ve had to make do with the little things that a week off can afford me, like having my car’s windshield replaced and midday mall shopping. I also finally cashed in on some of the Mom Bucks I had coming to me after the Great Christmas Boot Debate and I got these gray suede boots in return:
Thanks, M. Lou!
With this ample time off I have also been throwing myself headlong into a little mystery that has been plaguing Chris and I since we moved to our apartment over two years ago; a mystery that has been the subject of much debate in our household. You see, the people that live next door to us are very strange, and living in the city it is very difficult to avoid strange people when your bedroom window looks directly into their home. The problem is, we don’t know the strange people who live next door because we have never actually seen them. We have only witnessed the results of their strange behavior.
First off, our bedroom window looks right down into their kitchen window, where they have never once, in all the time we have lived here, turned off the light. No, it shines directly into our bedroom every night. The weirdest part is that the strange people who used to live there moved out and new strange people moved in, and still the light has never gone off. Is there some weird electricity problem in their apartment? Are they afraid of ghosts, and they were warned by the first strange people not to turn out the lights or else the poltergeist will come out? I surely don’t know, but our only relief comes in the form of blackout curtains so that we can sleep without the beacon of fluorescent lights shining in our eyes all night long. After my walk today I peered into their window from the driveway and noticed that yes, the lights in there are still on during the day.
The second mystery is that the people who live upstairs from the strange kitchen people never, ever turn their lights on at all. I would think that no one even lives up there but Chris swears that when he’s working at home during the day he sees the curtains moving like people are peering out. It’s creepy. How do they live without lights? I suggested maybe they’re blind but if that were the case, what would they be doing peering out of the curtains?
Then today I noticed the glare of police lights on my street which is not usually of much note, since they are always towing someone off my street or arresting the dude that lives a few houses down because he is a foolish drunk. But when I looked out the window there was also a firetruck and an ambulance and they were wheeling someone out of the house next door! I absolutely had to investigate.
I walked down my front steps and asked the police officer if everyone was all right. Oh yes, he informed me, the elderly man who lived upstairs had a shortness of breath and no one else was home to take him to the hospital. Did I know him, he asked? I shook my head. Is he blind?, I asked. The police officer looked at me funny and answered no, then moved off towards the ambulance.
So now I know an old man lives upstairs but I have no idea why there is never a single light on in his place. And we have still never seen the people who live downstairs with the ceaseless lights. Why do I get the feeling that there is a bigger mystery behind this, and more importantly, how can I solve it before I have to go back to work next week? I need Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine to do this properly!
Any ideas?
Feb
13
This Post Contains Vital Information
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Originally I did not sign up to have someone interview me, even though everyone else in my little corner of the internet seemed to be doing it. I had already done it once before, why beat a dead horse? But then I remembered that the person who had interviewed me before had never even read my blog before the interview, and likely does not read it now, especially since she is religious and also homeschools her kids which are two things I make fun of on a fairly regular basis.
So when flurrious put it out there that she would send some questions to anyone who wanted them I thought, here is a lady that makes me laugh, and not even because I am laughing at her. So, sure, why not? Also, free blog post! What what!
Alors, allons-y.
1. I recently confessed elsewhere that I used to have a crush on Peter DeLuise of 21 Jump Street, despite the fact that also appearing on 21 Jump Street was Johnny Depp, about whom my reaction has always been: meh. So my question is, who is your most embarrassing celebrity crush and why did you like him or her? Please be excruciatingly specific.
I have had so many embarrassing (in retrospect) crushes that this question is difficult to answer without going into five-paragraph essay form. But if I were to rank them in order and list my top three, it might go something like this:
- Number three most embarrassing crush: Corey Feldman. This is much more embarrassing in retrospect than it was back in the 80’s; the dude was in such classics as Goonies, Lost Boys, and Meatballs 4 but has since struck a new low with the drug problems, the girly-fights with Corey Haim, and a stint on some really wretched reality TV.
- Number two most embarrassing crush: Jordan Knight from New Kids on the Block. Again, AT THE TIME, it wasn’t totally uncool to puff paint his name on my Keds surrounded by little hearts, but when I see him now I would like to hurl all over twelve-year old me.
- Number one most embarrassing crush: Freddie Mercury. A middle school girl has no right to crush on a middle-aged man with a very large overbite wearing a spandex suit who is clearly very gay and also, hey, DEAD, but that did not change the purity of my love. I was convinced that were he not dead, HIV-positive, or gay, he would realize that I was the tween for him.
2. You have six weeks to do with what you will. All of your work and family responsibilities will be handled by someone else (not me), and you have an unlimited expense account for your six-week break. The catch is that whatever you do, you have to do it by yourself — no friends or family can accompany you. What will you do?
Does this mean I die at the end of the scenario, like I have six weeks to live? Or just that I get a random six weeks? I am going to go with the latter because I do not like situations in which I potentially fictionally die. And also, the latter situation reminds me of Brewster’s Millions and I am a sucker for all things Richard Pryor.
The obvious answer is travel. See how many countries I can make it through in six weeks. Find the most luxurious, decadent, and beautiful places on Earth. I’d consider taking that Virgin shuttle to the moon because hello, awesome blog story! I’d buy my way into celebrity charity events, I’d donate money to the causes that I care about without ever needing to stop in or volunteer at a walk-a-thon. I’d send postcards to Chris and my parents reminding them that I am on an awesome, all-expenses paid six week break and they were not. I’d buy them tons of presents and have them shipped back to the States. Six weeks on a Tahitian beach with nothing but trashy novels and waves sounds like pure heaven to me at the moment.
Mostly though, six weeks sounds basically like my summer vacation from school minus the unlimited expense account. So if you find anyone willing to offer me the money, I will gladly accept this mission. You have my email.
3. If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead, who would it be, what would you talk about, and what would you have for dinner?
I’d have dinner with Jesus so we could have a nice chat and clear up the whole Christianity myth once and for all. I would definitely record it for posterity; that way when the psych ward attendants came to take me away because I was going around telling people I had dinner with Jesus I would have INDELIBLE PROOF! And then I could start my own religion, where my blog posts would become gospel. Actually, it’s not so far-fetched; I am, after all, a Reverend.
As for what we’d eat, I think Christ would be down with Chili’s buffalo chicken sliders. I know I like ‘em.
4. If you had it to do over again, would you choose the same career path? And do you see yourself in the same career forever, or do you have secret aspirations which you have never told anyone because you don’t want them to laugh at you or tell you that you can’t, and if so, would you please divulge your secret career aspirations now to the internet at large? Okay, thanks.
Well this is a toughie. While I’m not particularly upset with any of my life choices, they being my life and all, there are many things I would not go back and do again. I would not choose the same university, I would not choose to study literature, I would not choose to pay an exorbitant amount for grad school, and if I’m being totally honest, I probably would not choose Library Science again. Or at least, I would not choose the school library track. But that may just be in light of recent budgetary events at my school.
In my heart of hearts, I always thought I would love to be a travel agent back in the day. Of course, with the advent of the internet that is no longer necessary, except for people like my dad who do not know the difference between email and a web page. My other secret dream job was to be a translator and I actually did consider graduate programs in translation and interpretation. I would have enjoyed working for the UN or the CIA. Sadly, two major factors prevented me from this career path: one, most positions required that you be a native speaker of at least two languages. Growing up in New Hampshire, I consider myself lucky that I even managed to learn one semi-proficiently; being bilingual was something that I did not even know was a possibility until at least high school, just in time for me to resent my parents for not having dual citizenship somewhere cool. Two, I think I may have grossly over-estimated my language skills. Sure, I got an A+ in high school French, but successfully conjugating the verb “faire” in the subjunctive does not necessarily mean I would be the best candidate to negotiate a hostage situation for the Red Cross. I mean, I can’t even remember the word for “penguin” when asked.
5. I would like to poke [name of person other than me] in the eye, for the following reason(s):
Judd Gregg for giving New Hampshire a bad rep. We’re not all Republicans, people, I swear! We’re mostly a blue state now!
George W. Bush for annoying me on a near-constant basis for eight years.
My principal, because she pretends to be my friend and then tells me she might lay me off.
Ann Coulter, for obvious reasons.
The person who writes the signs at the Baptist church down the road from me.
Many of the children in my school for forcing me to take their crappy phones away from them.
People who get in the express line at the grocery store with a cart full of stuff.
The guy who parks his VW bug three feet away from the curb on my street and makes me want to ram into him bumper car-style.
My landlord for not allowing me to have a dog.
The person who found my blog by searching “yummie veggy lazania recepis”.
Not flurrious, because she provides me with fun questions and bonus blog material.
And that wraps it up for this week. Next week I am on February break and my posting may be spotty so feel free to re-read this post whenever you miss me.
Feb
12
Anyone Got A Wedding Coming Up?
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So guess what I did yesterday? I used the internet to forge a close and personal connection with God. No, really! You are presently reading the hallowed words of an ordained Reverend. Now every time a student comes to ask me why their essay won’t print and they say, “Ms. NPW, the printer is broken!”, I will say, “it’s REVEREND NPW, bitches, and only God can save that broke ass printer now.”
And then I will ask if they have anything to confess.
Actually, scratch that. I don’t want to hear the crazy stuff that is going through their little minds.
OPH was looking into getting an officiant for her wedding and realized that they charge an insane amount of money to come and say a few words at the ceremony, so she turned instead to the interwebs where she was promised that she, too could become a Reverend. It was free and easy! Well, we tested that statement out and guess what? Four point five seconds later I was a woman of the cloth, no questions asked.
My first thought was to ask my religious friends if this meant that I was saved from my certain atheist damnation, but as it turns out one actually needs to believe in God to get into heaven. As a Reverend, I call bullshit on that. The internet says I am ordained and if that’s not enough for God, well, then he’s a total jerk anyway so screw him. I HAVE A PRINTED CERTIFICATE, DUDE! LET ME IN!
My second thought was, if I get laid off I am totally starting up a side biz with OPH as a wedding officiant. $700 a weekend! And you know I will make my ceremonies all flowery and classy as shit.
But the best part is that you too can become one with God, whether he’s real or not! I very much like that their mission statement is pretty much the same as the futuristic world in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure: “be excellent to each other”. We are all children of the same universe, man. Plus, I love the idea of all my readers becoming a legion of Reverends. Ordained blog readers unite!
Now I just have to figure out how to trick myself into believing this nonsense. I feel holier than thou already.
Feb
11
Unless you have children in your home I’m going to go ahead and assume that most people do not frequent toy stores with any regularity, which is a good thing because on the suckitude scale of one to ten (one being Home Depot, ten being Wal*Mart), Toys ‘R Us cruises in at a solid seven. Don’t believe me? You can go see for yourself. Depressing fluorescent lighting, dirty floors and shelves, row after row of ridiculous-looking action figures and ill-conceived board games. (On a side note, how have there been absolutely no cool new board games in the past decade? I don’t even count Cranium or Apples to Apples because they are not really board games- I’m talking Monopoly style here. Instead, they just keep bastardizing the classics. Really, Hulk Operation? Not necessary.) Like I said, definitely way up there in suckiness.
What happened to the dazzling toy stores of my youth? One of my secret dreams as a young girl was to win one of those prizes where you had five minutes to bolt through the store with a shopping cart and grab as many toys and games as you could. The secret part is that I practiced scooping items off a shelf with my own bookshelves in my bedroom when no one else was home. I would line up stuffed animals and books and board games and careen around with my arms spread out, dumping everything on the floor because I didn’t have a cart. I was convinced that there was a formula to the arc of your arm that one must master in order to maximize scooping potential. That, and you had to be damn fast. Funny that I never practiced sprinting. Anyway, it always seemed like the contestants had been coached by their parents right before their glory run as to what aisles to stop in and what toys were worth the most money. This was especially obvious when the boys would spend four of their precious five minutes loading up cart after cart with Cabbage Patch Kids and Care Bears and then maybe as an afterthought throw in some G.I. Joes and Nintendo cartridges. Nowadays the store would have to line the aisles with inflatable bumpers and the kids would have to wear helmets and the whole process would go from totally awesome and gladiator-like to totally lame and retarded-like.
But because we are actually thirty-year old children Chris and I have indeed made a purchase at a Toys ‘R Us within the last few months- a copy of Rock Band that happened to be on super sale right before the holidays. As part of the special sale, Toys ‘R Us gave us a $25 gift card to be used at a later date and last week we wanted to collect. I have never had a harder time trying to spend a free $25. There was not one thing I wanted. I contemplated putting the money towards a Wii Fit so that it could sit in the corner of my living room relegated to video game accessories, collecting dust and causing me the occasional pang of guilt when I glanced over at its wasted workout potential, but that meant I’d still have to shell out $60 and that was not the goal of the afternoon. I wanted Toys ‘R Us to give me something cool for free.
One hour and much crankiness later, Chris and I gave up. We could not find one toy or board game that even interested us enough to warrant getting it for free. This is a sad state of affairs, America. I am crafting a letter to send to Senator Kerry so that we can rectify the situation immediately. Sir, you say unemployment is on the rise in Massachusetts? Well someone needs to start making dolls that don’t have on more eyeshadow and lipstick than a tranny, and it might as well be me.
On the way out the door we were both disappointed and starving when we spotted those quarter machines with the toys and gum in them. Obviously I needed to spend seventy-five cents on a gumball the size of my fist, and Chris required an even bigger gumball called a Dinosaur Egg, which was filled with sour candies. We sat huddled in the car trying not to break our teeth as we gnawed at the disgusting-flavored balls of sugar and lamented how far toy stores have fallen. That sad, nostalgic feeling quickly turned bitter as our gumballs were so ludicrously gigantic they could no longer fit in our mouths and we were forced to only chew with them half in, half hanging out of our mouths, green apple spit getting everywhere. Chris gave up on his gumball halfway through but I remained dutiful and stubborn. I was not leaving Toys ‘R Us without some form of entertainment, damn it, GROSS OR NOT.
And you know what? I did it. I got that whole damn gumball in my mouth. Am I proud? Hell yes. That thing was a monster. Would I do it again? Never. Never never never never.
Feb
9
This morning I had The Talk with my principal about what the budget cuts might mean for me and my position. Basically it was her way of saying, “we don’t quite know how much money we’ll have, but if we don’t have enough you will be S.O.L.” Maybe she felt like she needed some insurance against me later coming to her screaming about being blindsided by my layoff, but really I’d have to be brain dead to not know this was a possibility. Still, actually hearing her lay it out in such bald terms was not altogether pleasant.
She started off by saying there were many, many things that could happen, that everything was still totally up in the air, that they had no idea what money would be coming from where, and then ending all that theoretical crap with the caveat that in the worst-case budget scenario she would keep teachers in the classrooms and cut anything “extra”. Meaning me, and maybe a custodian or two I guess? Who is “extra” in a school? She told me, “Cutting positions is like cutting off body parts”, but I do not see her gimping around the school in her Dolce & Gabbana suits; I’m guessing that to her, cutting the library is more like plucking an errant eyebrow. She probably thought she was doing me a favor by telling me all this, by letting me know I should start looking into other options, but all I feel is kind of hollow. Should I worry? Should I not bother worrying until the final budgetary word comes down? Being proactive about searching might make me feel better, but then the thought of stressing about job interviews threatens to send me into a black hole of anxiety. The hollowness seems better in comparison.
If I did get laid off, I have a few options:
- I can wait to see which of the other schools in my district cut the library position, then bump someone who is left out of their position. Basically, I am in position 5 out of 12, so the odds are pretty good I would get something.
- I can look into other comparable districts in Massachusetts and start putting together my resume and brushing up on my interview skills.
- I can actually entertain the idea of moving somewhere outside of the New England boundaries. Right now, the thought of escaping winter AND my principal sounds almost tempting.
If I were currently interested in trying to see the bright side of the situation I could say that maybe it’s an opportunity to start fresh somewhere. Maybe there is a dream school out there, where computers function normally and teachers know what YouTube is. Maybe this is my chance to look into university positions, or a doctoral program, or something in the corporate world…
Uh oh, I feel the water works starting up. Because of course this had to happen when I am totally hormonal. I’m going to excuse myself to the restroom for a few minutes until that empty feeling comes back; I definitely prefer that right now.
Feb
6
The last couple of days I have put myself on blogging probation because I have been feeling very cranky about my job, or more accurately, the fact that my job will likely not exist anymore after this year. I didn’t want to go into a long-winded tirade about the town in which I work because hello, if I am going to be unemployed I want it to at least be because I got laid off from budget cuts and not fired for talking about my place of employment on the internet. I also didn’t want to look back at my blog archives for the last four years and find that every other post between the months of January and May were a complete bitchfest, even though I am sure that is already the case.
So, a blogging probation. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all, right? Actually, if that were true then I know a whole lot of bloggers who would be out of a hobby, myself included. Still, I managed an entry on Tuesday because I could write about Chris, which is one of the only subjects lately that does not want to make me vomit from anxiety or jump off the Longfellow Bridge into the frozen Charles River. I have confined myself to sporadic Twitter updates so that at least some people know I’m not dead and maybe they will spread the word. But I don’t think I can take it anymore, so if you are like me and DO NOT CARE about someone else’s boring ass job complaints, please skip the next paragraph. There will be something nice at the end, I promise.
Dudes, school politics suck. Every time I feel some modicum of hope that at last! My job is secure! There comes another round of cutbacks. I know it’s not just my district, of course, because the Boston Public Schools just announced that they will be cutting 900 positions next year, 400 of those being teaching positions. Obviously there will not be as many cuts in my district because that would leave us with approximately 3 teachers left in the schools, but it’s still pretty dire. As I’ve said before, having tenure does not mean my position won’t be cut, it just means that if it does I can take someone else’s job in the district over whom I have seniority. And how depressing is it that I’ve already chosen whose job I will take if that time comes? So now every time I see this girl I am thinking in my head, sorry in advance for taking your job! I know you have a kid at home but I NEED TO WORK TOO! To add insult to injury, the town has been making statements to the effect of, if all us teachers agreed to give back our (ridiculously tiny) .5% raise for next year, which they agreed to give us AND SIGNED A CONTRACT, then maybe they wouldn’t have as many layoffs. Oh, really, Town? THAT SOUNDS SO AWESOME. LET ME GIVE YOU THIS $20 A WEEK OUT OF MY PAYCHECK BECAUSE YOU EFFED UP THE BUDGET AND HOPE YOU DON’T FIRE ANY OF MY FRIENDS. To which I say, the Town can eat a bag of d*cks. And that is exactly how I feel about it.
And for those of you who skipped that last paragraph, something nice: my co-worker just bought me a Chipwich. And when I took my first bite, puppies and rainbows and the beach on a warm July afternoon came flying out of my ears it was so good.
Feb
3
We’ve Reached the Toddler Stage
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Today is my three-year anniversary with the Christopher. I know, go us! To celebrate, we have vague plans to maybe do something this evening, after my Quiz Bowl meeting and the hour-long massage I booked for myself. I did get him a present, which I won’t reveal yet because he may or may not read this today and I would hate to spoil the sort-of suprise. It’s only a sort-of surprise because he actually requested something and I went out and bought it, but he doesn’t know I went out and bought it. And now I probably ruined it anyway, so.
MOVING ON, we only have tentative plans to do something this evening for two reasons- one, we are lazy and didn’t actually commit to anything or make any reservations, and two, we are heading down to NYC next weekend and we were hoping to combine that trip with a Valentine’s Day/anniversary outing. Of course, both of us are kind of NYC haters, which is problematic when trying to decide on something to do in the city that we will enjoy and will not stress us out entirely. So far my suggestions for ice skating at Rockefeller Center, a horse-drawn carriage ride around Central Park, and a fancy dinner out have all been shot down. Why? Because Chris is cranky about NYC. I would just like to mention that he has not come up with one alternative plan, either, so the ball is now officially in his court. HELLO, ROMANCE!
Regardless of his inability to plan, I love the Christopher very much and even though it is cliche to say so I feel like the last three years have just flown by. I was thinking about it last night, and without getting too mushy, here is a list of reasons why.
Because he can always, always make me laugh, even when I am in the crankiest of moods.
Because he tries to clean for me, even though he usually makes more of a mess than we started with.
Because he knows all the music questions at trivia night, including ones about Weird Al and Yo! MTV Raps.
Because when he wakes up before me on the weekends he brings me coffee and pancakes in bed.
Because he doesn’t mind that I like video games and reading and I am a nerd.
Because we like all the same TV shows and movies so we don’t have to fight over the TV.
Because even when he’s busy or not totally present, I still know he cares.
Because he would never ask me to do something if he knew I wouldn’t want to do it.
Because he likes to cook.
Because he encourages me to do the things I enjoy doing.
Because he writes notes on my sandwich bags.
Because he loves me even when I’m sick and gross and unshowered.
Because he’s my best friend.