What I’m Reading
Feb
29
The Day That Wasn’t
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February 29th only comes once every four years and as far as I am concerned that is entirely too often. Why are we prolonging the worst month of the entire year? Why couldn’t we add an extra day in, I don’t know, June? Screw science. It’s 8 a.m. and this is already by far the worst day of 2008. I am angry and sad and disappointed and hormonal, and for god’s sake, it’s Dress Like the 80’s Day at school. So if you were wondering what could make me more upset than I already am, the answer is side ponytails and leg warmers. It’s like an American Apparel ad up in here. At least today the kids are not being ironic with their fashion choices and recognize their 80’s gear for what it is: a costume.
Maybe February 29th will be sucked into the vortex of time and tomorrow I will have forgotten it even existed. Keep your fingers crossed.
Feb
28
First order of business, a round of thanks to -R- for organizing yesterday’s Blog Share. I made it through all the posts. Some of them were funny, some were stressful, and some were downright sad, but all were thoughtful and I know I’m not the only one who is grateful to have an anonymous outlet sometimes. Some of you may have guessed which post was mine, but I will never confirm or deny. Never! On the same note, thanks again to my anonyposter and everyone who commented on her piece. There’s nothing worse than putting yourself out there and not getting any feedback, so everyone’s comments were appreciated.
Pressing on, I feel like I have much to discuss but I’ve been running on empty this week and it’s going to catch up with me soon. Yesterday I had both a Quiz Bowl match and my first “Technology” class in two weeks, since I skipped it two weeks ago and last week was vacation. The combination of the stress from both of those events, plus reading through 37 full blog posts made me feel even more rundown than usual. I also have a few deadlines hanging over my head at work. That doesn’t usually happen (libraries are not exactly a deadline-oriented work environment), but the projects that I am working on are kind of last-minute and need to get done, like yesterday.
My third year review is also coming up quickly, the third year review that determines whether or not I will get tenure at my school. Normally I would only be mildly stressed out about that fact since I know in my mind that I do a great job and there’s no way they want to let me go, but it’s also a union contract year and the town is claiming they have no money for teachers, so if there are cuts to be made all us non-tenured people will be first in line for the chopping block. Isn’t working for a town government grand?
And so a more detailed post will have to wait until tomorrow. Fret not, though: your wait will be rewarded by tales of my Technology classmates discovering YouTube for the first time, and how one woman watched the same clip of Queen: Live at Wembley Stadium a minimum of nine times during the two hour class. That’s too much Bohemian Rhapsody even for me, the girl who had a very real crush on Freddie Mercury in middle school.
Feb
27
Blog Share 2.0
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The following is a guest blog written by an anonymous person participating in the Blog Share. Play nice and leave lots of comments. At the end of the post is a list of other participants, one of them will be hosting my anonymous post. All the Blog Share posts are sure to be great, make sure to check them out! I’m out. See you people tomorrow.
As an unmarried, childless professional woman, I’ve gotten used to coworkers asking me, “So when’s the wedding?” “How many kids do you want?” and “Aren’t you just dying to have a baby?” It gets old, yes, especially since I have answers to exactly none of those questions. I’m of the mind that if my maternal instinct ever kicks in, maybe I’ll have a baby one day. If not, I won’t. I’m really not that concerned about it.
But if I ever do become a parent, mark my words: I will not revert to childhood myself. I’m sure there’s a certain joy in reclaiming your own childhood vicariously through your offspring, but for the love of God, that does not mean you are given license to wear Winnie the Pooh sweatshirts and carry around Hannah Montana tote bags. Someone’s got to be the adult here.
The same logic extends to movies. As I get older, I expected to encounter more people around my age that have kids. It’s inevitable. But what I was not expecting was for them to re-embrace their formative years so vehemently. It’s like suddenly I’m expected to join the breeders I know in watching every kid movie that makes it into theaters and pretend it is The! Cutest! Thing! Ever! even though 99% of the kid movies are horribly precocious and only a small percentage are actually clever and worth watching. For every good one, like Ratatouille, there’s a sucky one, like
Today at work, a woman literally stood over my shoulder while I was checking out my Netflix queue and demanded that I add Nanny McPhee to the list. She would not leave until I did it. Because her daughter loves it! And she knows I will too! Despite knowing nothing about my taste in movies! So now my queue looks something like this:
- No Country for Old Men
- Weeds: Season 2: Disc 2
- Across the Universe
- Nanny McPhee
- Atonement
Etc…
To all you parents out there: You have kids, and that’s great. But I don’t, and right now I’m enjoying being a 20-something single woman who watches raunchy comedies and heavy dramas, listens to The Arcade Fire instead of Kidz Bop, and spends all her disposable income on HERSELF. And if I ever do have kids, all that is likely to stay the same except for the disposable income part.
I’m glad we had this little talk. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go meet some friends for beers and you have to attend to that crying kid. Thanks.
Everything I Like Causes Cancer
Rankin Inlet: A Journey Northwards
Reflections in the Snow-Covered Hills
Feb
26
A School Is No Place To Be Sick
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This morning has been harried and irritable, co-workers coming to me with inane questions like how to load paper in a printer which make me want to ask them, “Hello, do you even live in this world? How do you not know how to load paper into a printer and what have you been doing for the past ten years when you’ve run out?” But instead I suppress my sighs and plaster on my fake cheerful grin and shove a handful of paper into their printer, trying to demonstrate how easy it is without explicitly stating “you are an idiot, please learn how to do this now so that you don’t have to ask me again”.
It is also strangely hot in my office, uncharacteristically hot, or maybe that’s just because I have been running up and down the stairs trying to fix “problems” in the computer lab on the opposite side of the building. I don’t even want to get into those “problems”; let’s just say they are usually solved by me pushing a power button or restarting a computer, something any other teacher should know how to do. Or maybe I am just still sick and super cranky and probably have a fever because WHY THE HELL AM I SWEATING SO MUCH? It’s like a goddamn inferno in here. In more ways than one.
I came very close to calling in sick today but in the end I fortified myself with a travel mug of tea and soldiered on, mostly because I didn’t want to be the slacker that calls in sick the day after a week-long vacation but also because tomorrow I have a Quiz Bowl meet and so I’ll be out of school all day for that. Plus I told the little Quiz Bowl nerdlings that we’d have a practice after school today and I couldn’t bear the thought of their sad little nerd hearts being broken if they didn’t get to study the geographical locations of Asian landforms. Now I’m regretting my decision more than a little because I’m sure the classes on the second floor can hear my coughing and everyone that sees me gives a little gasp and says, “Wow, you look awful! You should go home.” I’m just waiting until my Principal, Vice Principal, and all the secretaries see me in this state before I call out sick so that they know I am not feigning illness. Although it seems I can’t win either way because the school nurse just came in to chastise me for coming in to school when I’m not feeling well and, oh yeah, didn’t I just write a whole post on not making other people sick at work? Great, now I am sick AND a hypocrite. At least there is no chance of me being contagious after those horse pills of amoxicillin I’ve been taking.
Anyway, tomorrow is the second Blog Share, arranged by none other than the fabulous -R-. I will be writing an anonymous post that will be up on any of the 40 or so blogs participating this time around, and my blog shall play host to someone else’s anonymous post. Fun, yes? Unfortunately, -R- is also very sick, so I hope she gets a lot of rest and recuperates but I also hope I get the email telling me where I’ll be posting soon since I have yet to start writing and I think her email will get my lazy butt in gear. Feel better soon, -R-! The quality of my writing depends on it.
Feb
24
Tomorrow I’ll begin the work week roughly as sick as I started my vacation week, that is, much more sick than should be possible after seven days of swigging cough syrup and swallowing down handfuls of antibiotics. That prospect is not exactly pleasing, to say the least, and I am harboring a bit of resentment towards my school, as if they owe me extra vacation time for deciding to hold vacation on the exact week I became ill. They did this on purpose!
I wish I could at least say that I got a lot of reading or movie-watching done over the last week but even that would be a stretch. I finished one book (that I was already halfway through), and I watched a movie or two, but that is nothing when viewed in comparison to the actual amount of time I spent staring dully at the steam rising from the humidifier and trying not to asphyxiate while simultaneously coughing and blowing my nose. But anyway, I’m sure you’ve all heard enough of my wretchedness for one week and I promise I will attempt to write about things other than the joys of spraying down my bed with Lysol to cleanse it of germs.
I am grateful at least that if it was fated for me to get sick over vacation that it was this vacation and not my April vacation when it chose to strike. Being sick on vacation and traveling is probably very much worse than being sick on vacation at home in your comfortable bed and plus I wouldn’t want the memories of my first trip to Denver to be tainted by Vick’s VapoRub and menthol cough drops. Speaking of, has anyone else tried the tissues with the Vick’s in them? They are soft little paper pieces from heaven, those Puffs with Vick’s.
On Friday night during the snow storm we decided to brave the elements and went out to have dinner and run some errands. Inevitably we found ourselves in the pharmacy to restock certain key props I need to maintain the lifestyle of the Sick and Famous. As we were wandering down the aisle of drugs, comparing ingredients on cough syrups like we had just graduated pharmacology school, Chris noted that a bunch of the medicines were not on the shelf but had little cards that you had to bring up to the pharmacist. I explained to him that it was a precaution so that we didn’t take that bottle of Robitussin back to our meth lab and turn it into something we could sell to little children. No, the government has thwarted us by putting all that Robitussin behind the pharmacy counter and will only give it to us when we show a driver’s license. Because, what? Meth dealers don’t have licenses? I don’t know.
And anyway it didn’t matter because Chris didn’t believe me about turning pseudoephedrine into crystal meth and decided to ask the pharmacist about it. I even told him about the TV special I saw where all these meth dealers in the Midwest were blowing up their houses because they were mixing dangerous and volatile drugs at high heats in their basements without a clue as to what the hell they were doing. Why on earth I would make up a story about that is beyond me, but Chris decided that I must be kidding and so off he went to ask the pharmacist for particulars on this whole fantastical “meth lab” thing. After that I was nervous to buy Sudafed, sure that she’d enter my license number into some FBI file and when our insane neighbors eventually managed to blow up their house I’d be under investigation. I just giggled nervously when the pharmacist asked for my license. She sadly informed us of all the elderly people she’s had to prevent from getting their cold medicine because they didn’t bring their license with them but I just said, “Ring up my 72 bottles of cough syrup and shut up! I have work to do.”
Dear federal agents: I am kidding. Please do not arrest me. My public needs me. And my mind-altering drugs. (Kidding again! Really!)
Feb
21
How the Hell Is It Already Thursday?
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My friends, I am on the path to recovery from my bout with the “consumption”. Note how I am using quotes there so as not to cause widespread panic; someone may read this entry and think that I do, in fact, have tuberculosis and decide to quarantine my apartment and wouldn’t that be a fun way to spend the rest of my vacation? Anyway, thanks to my friendly nurse practitioner I can actually go more than ten seconds without coughing. He sent me back into the world armed with antibiotics for the ear infection, a cough syrup with codeine in it so I can sleep, and some kind of inhaler. In elementary school I always felt bad for the fat little asthmatic kids on the playground huffing their inhalers every time they even thought about moving around but let me tell you- those little puffs of medicated air make the whole world seem right again. Who needs real oxygen when there’s this stuff available?
I’m going to try to look on the brighter side of things though, perhaps a positive attitude will make me feel better faster. For example, I was up all night coughing, driving Chris to sleep on the couch so that he could wake up for work today, but on the plus side I pretty much have rock hard abs from a week’s worth of doing cough sit-ups. Who needs the gym?
I also managed to snag another award during these long sick days- Poppy’s Best Library Blog! Or, as she clarified, the best blog about a librarian. Woot. I may have won two less awards than Aaron, but that is only because I have not yet attempted a zombie post. Come October, you better watch your back, Ace: I’m gunning for that prize.
Adding to my week’s highlights, Chris’s song was featured in a hilarious boingboing TV clip featuring Klaus Pierre, the French-German action hero. If you enjoy the dulcet tones of mathcore screaming metal bands then you will love their album, Death and the Company You Keep. It sounds like it’s just chock full of pleasantries, doesn’t it?
And now I am off to meet my mother for lunch, and also to claim my Girl Scout cookies. She claims that there was some mix up whereby I got two boxes of Thin Mints and no Tagalongs, but I know the truth. You can’t hide Tagalongs from me, Mom, how many times do we have to go through this? I can smell peanut butter in the air.
Feb
19
I’m Alive (Barely)
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Before you get all up on my ass about being incommunicado and not commenting and not writing for days and days, please know that I have contracted a new strain of the consumption. No, really. Complete with a deathly chest rattling and a sunken face. It is SO SEXY. If any of you would like a case of TB for yourselves, feel free to drop in any time- complimentary coughs-in-your-face are my specialty these days.
I can trace my illness back to Chris telling me he went to band practice last week, where two of the four band members were very ill but insisted on playing anyway because, I don’t know, they are egomaniacal and the only way to achieve world peace is through stellar rock jams? Whatever the case, Chris came home and immediately fell ill for days. While I tended to his needs like the loving, dutiful girlfriend that I am, I unknowingly contracted a strain that was to wreak havoc on my body interminably.
On Friday morning I awoke excited, knowing it was the last day that separated me from an entire week of freedom and shoe shopping. By Friday afternoon my throat felt like someone had stabbed it with ice picks and left it bleeding in the hot desert sun with no water. Since Friday it has slowly progressed into a coughing frenzy, coughs so deep they sound like they are coming from the very depths of my diaphragm. But perhaps I am misleading you when I say that my illness has “progressed”; that would indicate that I am somehow feeling better when really what I mean is that additional symptoms have been cropping up, piling on top of the previous ones. So now I have a sore throat, a chest cold, an ear infection (undiagnosed, but unmistakable), this horrible-sounding cough, a simultaneously runny and stuffy nose (why god, why?), and a pounding headache, likely due to all the congestion and also maybe my outrage at being sick on my vacation week.
Luckily I had Chris around all weekend to tend to me in my time of need. He even had Monday off and we spent it lounging around together. He finally dragged me outside since it was an unseasonable 60 degrees and we walked around for a while so that my lungs could breathe some fresh city air instead of the stale sick air of our apartment. Chris even did all the dishes all weekend, took out the trash, and did all the laundry. Of course, he managed to shrink two of my favorite sweaters by putting them in the dryer but that was canceled out by his valiant efforts at making me comfortable. But now Chris is back at work and left to my own devices I don’t even have the energy to play video games or read and can only stare listlessly at Drew Carey’s paunch while he tries to get me to spay or neuter my pets.
Irony of ironies, when I just called my doctor to whine to her about my illness and beg for some antibiotics I was informed that she is ON VACATION. Well. I sure hope those hundreds of co-pays a day paid for her to go somewhere lovely and tropical because I would hate for her to have to spend February in Boston with ALL US SICK PEOPLE. So now I am still lying here, miserably waiting for a nurse or someone from my doctor’s office to call me back. I don’t want to spend my entire week off sleeping on the couch so that I don’t keep Chris awake all night with all the hacking up pieces of my lungs.
Feb
15
Happy Surprise Virtual Engagement Party!
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Wow, I’ve never been invited to a virtual surprise engagement party! Thanks for inviting me, RA, I feel so honored! In case you didn’t know, Jen from Operation Pink Herring is getting married after accepting a super sweet proposal on some Spanish steps. Let’s all congratulate her, shall we?
Hooray, Jen!
Anyway, never having been married myself, I will not attempt to give you any advice on what married life will be like (although I suspect it will be very much like life is now, only you get one more pretty ring to add to your collection). Instead, I figured I would do a bunch of the hard work of wedding preparation for you. I picked out a few wedding dresses that I thought you might really like and I went ahead and put them on hold for you to try on. You can thank me later!
Dress #1 will highlight some of your -ahem- assets while at the same time leaving something to the imagination.
Dress #2 could be great if this is a secret shotgun wedding and you happen to be eight months along when wedding time arrives.
Dress #3 was created for comfort. No need for fancy heels when orthopedic shoes complement your dress so nicely.
Dress #4 will be quite the sensation when the DJ busts out Sir Mix Alot’s Baby Got Back. Because boy, will you.
I also went through and found a couple of awesome bridesmaid options that could possibly put your wedding front and center on the NY Times Wedding section. There are so many great dresses out there that it is surely hard to choose. I’ve narrowed it down to two choices.
Teal green and shiny, this beautiful gown and veil is vintage 80’s. Please note the puffy sleeves and the “hat”. Simply gorgeous.
If you’re going for a more subtle, subdued look for your bridal party, why not pink and orange? The ruffles and florals combination is very understated and elegant.
Now that you have my inspirations you’re all freed up to get working on the cake and flowers. Might I suggest dandelions for a summer wedding? They make a lovely alternative to throwing rice when leaving the church; people can just blow those little white puffs your way.
Oh, and in case Joel needs any inspiration for his tux he can always ask my Dad where he got his. You know, in case you decide to go with the whole ruffle theme.
Happy engagement, Jen!
Feb
14
To The Victor Go The Spoils
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I got home yesterday afternoon to find three packages on the table waiting for me. I was so excited I made Chris open one while I tore into the others because I could not wait another second to see my glorious prizes. Unfortunately, I handed him the box that had the homemade cookies from Lara in it and he was halfway through one of those little delights before he mumbled, “So someone you don’t actually know mailed you cookies? What if they’re poison?” Too late now, sucka!
Obviously they were not poisoned, but even if they were Lara’s peanut butter cookies with Reese’s peanut butter cups and Reese’s pieces in them are probably the best way to go out I could imagine. If I leave the world with a belly full of arsenic and peanut butter I will have died a happy woman. While I was busy sorting through the rest of what Chris called the “NPW Fan Mail” he helped himself to two more cookies so I think he would probably agree with me on that score.
The second package I ripped open was from Noelle for winning her November commenting contest. She gets many points for creativity and even more points for sending dark chocolate M & Ms. See why I needed to rejoin the gym? I also got a CD of Lola-themed songs, a book from her office that had annotated notes about her landlesbian, and a little hand-written notecard. Good times. I can’t wait to listen to some Barry Manilow hits on the way home from work.
The last package came in a big box and sounded like it was in a million pieces; I was a little nervous that UPS might have smashed my present from Whiskeymarie when they heaved it up onto my porch without a backwards glance. Not to worry though, this present was supposed to come in pieces. Five hundred extra large, fully interlocking pieces, to be precise: the box contained a poster puzzle of the New Kids on the Block! I kid you not:
And that right there, my friends, is the reason I blog. Happy Valentine’s Day- I hope you all get presents as sweet as these.
Feb
13
Stop the Presses
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Hey! Did I mention that next week is my February break? And that I don’t have to work at all for a solid five days? Well that’s funny, because guess what? Yeah, you got it. Way to ruin the surprise. Anyway, all you people that can just flip off on vacation any old time you feel like it can suck it; I may have to take my vacation with all the bratty children of Massachusetts but it is a vacation nonetheless.
My plans for the week include a whole lot of of nothing, since it is subzero outside and Chris has to work. I will very likely go to the gym since I am now having twenty dollars taken from me every month in exchange for getting hot and sweaty someplace other than my apartment. I do have a certain Super Mario 3 game that needs beating. I will probably also spend at least one full hour a day dreaming of tropical beaches and fruity beverages while I huddle under a blanket with my space heater for warmth.
After this vacation it’s the long haul until April break. Not one single scheduled day off until the third week in April, and it seems so far away. At least in April it’s a little warmer outside and we have plans to head west to Denver but for the love of baby Jesus, will summer never come?
In other news, I have been interviewed as part of Neil’s Great Experiment in Getting an Obscene Number of Comments Project. Miss Sara from Misfit In Any Space has questioned me at length and found me innocent. I’m innocent, I say!
Ahem. Here is the official transcript of our intimate Q & A. Sara questions, I answer. Enjoy!
I’ve noticed that you write very detailed, substantial posts. I’ve gotta know: do you ever find yourself with nothing to say or run out of steam halfway through?
I want to be able to say that I am never without an idea of something to post, but that would be a complete fabrication. Even though I am often without a substantial idea for a post, I am usually pretty good at making something out of nothing. Thus the reason I have posts about such inanities as the New Kids on the Block and my Wii-playing. Once I start typing away, things usually seem to fall into place more often than not (although admittedly I do have some lesser quality posts here and there).
… And how do you deal with that?
Hmm. There are days when I don’t post at all. I always take the weekend off from reading and writing blogs. If I’m really stuck for something to write I skip it and come back to it the next day. Usually I write because I like to do it, so if I’m not enjoying it I don’t see the point. There’s enough crap out there on the internet, I certainly don’t need to add to it.
You seem to be queen of the contests — what one contest was the most difficult for you to win?
Most of the contests I win are by default or dumb luck. On occasion I have won through sheer persistence of commenting- one contest was to comment every day of November, which I did. Another was the highest number of comments from a single person, which I also did. I think my winning has more to do with the fact that I have basically unlimited internet access and a touch of OCD.
What is your blog made of? Platform for issues you feel strongly about, record of daily minutae, personal venting zone, vehicle for networking, way to get yourself heard — what do you feel the percentages are?
I would say my blog is mostly a platform for me to entertain (hopefully) and grab some of the spotlight that I don’t normally get at my normal school librarian job. It is a daily record, a journal of sorts, and a way for me to vent, but it’s also a fun social tool and I’ve met tons of great people through it. Now if only someone would pay me to write about middle school farting contests I’d be set for life.
… And would you like to change any of them? Say, would you like to spend less time recording daily peccadilloes and more time speaking out about important issues?
Important issues? Do you mean like whether I should have pepperoni pizza or a handful of Girl Scout cookies for dinner? I feel as though I record my opinions on issues to a degree (Vote Obama!), but my goal isn’t to sway people into thinking like me. If you come to my site looking for my soapbox you will probably be disappointed. Unless you care about my opinions on senior citizens (two thumbs down).
In the same vein, let’s say you’re offered a book deal, complete with major promotion by a huge publishing corporation and a hefty advance. The catch is this: if you take the deal, your contract will prevent you from ever blogging again. Would you take it?
Errrr… I suppose the short answer would be yes, but also maybe? Are we talking enough money to retire with this book deal? Because given enough money, I’d be able to buy my way back into the blogging scene anyway. Isn’t that how this country works?
What kinds of current events do you follow? Celebrity stuff, hardcore politics, local channels only?
I read old issues of People that my Mom sends me, so I’m usually about two to three weeks behind on my celebrity gossip. Seriously, I didn’t even know Britney’s Dad took over her mansion until, like, yesterday. (I did, however, know that NKOTB was making a comeback the day it was announced. Thank you, internet!) I like Boston’s NPR station quite a bit and I read CNN, but my main sources of news comes from sites like boingboing and I Can Haz Cheezburger. You know, the important stuff.
What do you think is your most underappreciated talent or quality?
Back in the golden college days I would answer this with either my talent at tying cherry stems with my tongue or my mad beer pong skillz. These days, any talent or quality I possess is touted by me far and wide and couldn’t really be considered “underappreciated”. Although, on second thought, I do have an incredible amount of patience with teenagers and idiotic adults, and I don’t know that I’m given enough credit for working with middle schoolers every day.
As a librarian in a public school, what do you see as our school system’s biggest weakness?
Wow, this is a biggie. Thanks to George Dubya, the No Child Left Behind Act has left a lot to be desired in America’s school systems. Too much emphasis on standardized testing and everyone fitting the mold, not enough team project building and real life application skills. People in general don’t care that teachers are underpaid, have at the very least a Master’s degree but work in conditions that would be considered unacceptable anywhere else, and cannot afford to live in areas where the cost of living is high (like, say, BOSTON).
… Our school system’s greatest strength?
Isn’t it just amazing that there is this whole HUGE network of people out there who want your children to be well-informed, self-reliant citizens? There are so many educators, specialists, and administrators who want your child to succeed that with even minimal participation from students they are engaged in an all-day academic and social environment.
What kinds of kids do you really, really dig getting to work with? (I’m going to be kind and NOT ask the other side of that question, but feel free to rant if you want to!)
I know this is going to sound terrible, like I should answer that I want to work with the underserved special needs population, but honestly I like working with the super nerdy kids. The ones who are overeager, the ones who might go on to never get laid at MIT but someday will have millions AND be super cool. I like kids that like learning and are happy to participate and be engaged. I also like kids who like to win, like my little Quiz Bowl team. So nerdy. So cute.
What is your favorite, death-row last-chance, meal?
Hawaiian pizza, oatmeal raisin cookies, my mother’s chicken and rice and grapeleaves, Trader Joe’s chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels, burrito from Boca Grande, spinach pie, homemade mac and cheese, and chocolate cupcakes. Can you tell I’m hungry?