What I’m Reading
May
31
All In A Day’s Work
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You know those cans of compressed air they sell so that you can clean out electronic equipment without taking it apart? Yes, well I ordered a bunch of them to clean out the computer keyboards here in the library. Considering they hadn’t been cleaned in the two years I’ve had them I figured it was time to step it up and rid them of dust before the summer came along and I waited another year to get it done. So yesterday I started spraying them out and I found all manner of dirt, dust, hair, fingernails, dried boogers, and crumbs flying every which way out of those keyboards. I was more than a little disgusted; it almost made me wish I had never decided to clean.
Anyway, as I was diligently blasting air a couple of students noticed me (the air is surprisingly loud coming out of the can) and they were fascinated. Seriously, I’ve never seen them so enthralled in anything, not even weepuls. They were rapt with attention, their eyes never leaving the can. Then they saw all the junk flying out of the keyboards and they started cheering! They were so happy that I was cleaning with a can of air that they actually gave me a cheer. They wanted to know every detail about the air: how much was in a can, how did Endust get the air in there, did the can come with the little red spray nozzle or did I buy it separately, why did the can get freezing cold after I had sprayed it for a while? I felt like it could’ve been a real teaching moment. Unfortunately, I didn’t know many of the answers (how do they get it in there?), so instead I made answers up about CO2 cartridges and sending people up to the Arctic Circle to catch the freezing wintry air specially for the cans. What? I couldn’t disappoint those fervent eyes.
About two minutes after the wide-eyed children left a whole other troop of kids showed up demanding to see the Arctic air blasts for themselves. I knew if I didn’t quell their curiosity I would end up with hordes of kids in here after school begging me to put on an Endust show for them so I tried to play it down a little, demonstrating how boring it actually was to spray out the keyboards. At that precise moment, a giant spider corpse flew out from between the keys, landed on one of the kids bare arms, and was followed by a chorus of shrieks (mostly mine) and running frantically around in circles.
I thought the kids would be traumatized enough to refrain from any further cleaning questions. Oh ho ho, was I wrong! I’ve heard kids that weren’t even there describing it as “totally awesome” and “so scary”. Apparently, the spider incident spread like wildfire and it seems every kid in the school now wants to clean computer keyboards for me.
On the bright side, I’ve run out of electronics to clean and I have a variety of students available to do my dirty work for me. Score.
May
30
On A Scale From One to Ten…
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Also, that I became super excited this morning when I learned that they are making Ender’s Game into a movie?
Sigh. On second thought, don’t answer that. I don’t think I need confirmation of my nerd status so early on a Wednesday morning.
May
29
Three Days Later
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Dear People of the Internet,
I hope that you all enjoyed the lovely three day weekend. Although our plans got shifted slightly (doesn’t that always happen? I mean really, why do I bother to make actual plans?), we ended up having a great weekend. In fact, I felt so relaxed after my three days of fun in the sun that I actually didn’t mind returning to school. Of course it doesn’t hurt that we only have three weeks left here, but whatevs. What I’m saying is: my head is back in it’s happy place and all is well. Good one, Memorial Day.
So Saturday I dragged a tired Christopher out of bed bright and early to begin what I thought would be a two-hour drive up to the White Mountains in NH. Apparently I didn’t think to factor in holiday weekend traffic, but it took us more like three and a half hours to finally reach the outlets where we were meeting my cousins. It was so worth the traffic though- we had so much fun just hanging out, joking around, and in general being loud. We decided to do a quick lunch at Horsefeathers before heading out for our out-of-doors adventures. I had been there before and remembered it being fairly touristy (i.e. fake white birch trees “growing” in planters, plastic molds of the Old Man in the Mountain), but despite the questionable decor the food was quite tasty. While we were eating we realized that the Flume Gorge that we thought we’d be hiking was actually another hour from where we were and by then we were mighty sick of the inside of my Civic. So we decided to just start driving in the direction of the Alpine Slide and see what trails we came across.
And yay for us, we ended up finding the Arethusa Falls trail. It was about 1.6 miles in to get to the actual falls and we were feeling pretty good by the time we got up there. The trail was great- beautiful and breezy and surprisingly non-bug infested. And the falls were amazing. I mean, I’ve been to Niagara and it’s pretty and all, but you definitely don’t get to stand at the bottom and walk around in the misty pools of water. Anyway, we city folk made it all the way up and out unscathed. It was like City Slickers, minus the cattle roping and quips from Billy Crystal. We then headed back to the hotel to reward ourselves with beverages of the adult type. What about the Alpine Slide, you ask? It was closed! I know. We were so bummed. Well, not so much Chris, but the rest of us were.
Anyway, after the seven of us had a lovely dinner (creamy asiago orzo with lobster, anyone?) it was about 10:30 p.m. and while my cousins were all staying the night at the hotel, C and I did not have a room. And in fact, there were no rooms left to be had. So I steeled myself for the long ride home, C bought me a coffee and it was Boston or bust. And hey, I only got pulled over once! (I was speeding. The roads are very winding and the speed limit is constantly going from 35 to 55. It wasn’t my fault! Ok, it was a little bit my fault. But I wasn’t going that fast! And yes, he made me do the little “follow the light with your eyes” test, and we were totally fine. I didn’t even get a ticket.) We made it home by 1:30 and it was lights out.
Sunday we went to a cookout, the weather was once again great and the food delicious. Oh, and we also tried our hand at making ice cream. Let’s just say it was tasty enough for us to eat it, but we won’t be opening an ice cream parlor any time soon. Monday was pretty lazy as well- we had dinner with friends, rocked some DDR, and I played about three hours of Pokemon Diamond on my DS. I don’t know if that makes me lamest librarian you know or the coolest, but I will tell you this: I have never once even seen a Pokemon cartoon but that game is retardedly addictive. In fact, I almost wish I was playing it right now. Work is for suckers.
Weekend in review: complete. I’ll post pictures on ye olde flickr when I get a mo’ and you can check out the weekend madness for yourself. Hope you’re all rested and relaxed.
Fondest wishes,
NPW
Oh, and PS: I was just cataloging a copy of Dear Mr. Henshaw, by Beverly Cleary, hence the letter format. Remember that book? I swear we had to read it like 53 times between 3rd and 5th grades. I had vague memories of hating it, I just flipped through it and realized why: it sucks. A lot.
May
24
TT On The Weekend To Come
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| Thirteen Things about NPW’s Upcoming Weekend (and Friday) 1. Okay, so really this should have been a post for Friday since I’m about to talk about the upcoming weekend, but there’s no such thing as a Friday Thirteen (it would be totally jinxed and all), so here we go. Be forewarned: I may not post tomorrow, so get your crying done now. Yes, yes, I’ll miss you too. Moving on. 2. Tonight is the big Open House where parents come to view student work, Bradley: (pauses, looks at the eraser, looks at the friend he was about to whip, looks at me) Will I get my money back? Also, who thought it was a good idea to teach kids that huffing banana-scented highlighters is the correct use for them? Sweet Baby Jesus, I feel like Argus Filch confiscating Fanged Frisbees up in here. 3. Open House tonight promises to be a bundle of fun; there’s going to be a cookout! Yesterday the entire staff of the school received an email from the Principal asking for volunteers to “grill his tube steaks”. I’m assuming he meant there will be hot dogs? 4. Tomorrow will be more Book Fair, more inventory checklists, more work in general. I’m pretty sure that the only good thing about tomorrow will be getting home from work and napping luxuriously on the couch, despite the Crow Children squawking next door. Oh, and it’s Date Night! 5. Date Night = fun. Fun = Pirates of the Caribbean. Therefore, Date Night = Pirates of the Caribbean. And hopefully a lot more relaxing because I sure need it. 6. Saturday we agreed to meet my cousins and their respective spouses up in the White Mountains for a bit of hiking at the beautiful Flume Gorge. I’m pretty excited about the trip- I haven’t been hiking since last summer and I haven’t been to the Gorge since I was young. I do love the mountains. Rock on with your bad self, Granite State. We also have planned a trip to the infamous Alpine Slide. If any of you out there have never been on an Alpine Slide, I highly recommend it. No, in fact, I demand you seek one out- they are one of life’s greatest thrills. Unless the idea of a concrete luge down a mountainside freaks you out. Then you might want to stay away. C has vowed not to partake in the Alpine Sliding fun as it involves a ride up the mountain in a chair lift and he is a wee bit frightened of heights. Or, more accurately, of falling from heights.
8. Saturday we will also have dinner on the mountain, which I like to say out loud when anyone asks what I’m doing this weekend because I think it sounds very important. “We will be having dinner on the mountain.” I would like to say that the dinner will include drinks, but I will likely be the D.D. and it’s about a two hour drive back to the city. C, however, will be free to get loose on the drinks, and he’ll probably need it after I drag him down the Slide of Death with me that afternoon. 9. Sunday there will be a grand gala cookout for my cousin Gabriel’s 30th birthday, which will be a treat since he and his wife live life in the fast lane down in NYC and we only see them periodically throughout the year. Of course, it’s supposed to rain, so the cook out may be more of a cookin, but whatever. Point: there will be food. That I didn’t have to cook.10. I’m kind of hoping that Monday will be a day of rest. Like the seventh day, only not. It’s not every day that I get to spend lounging around reading books. Oh, wait… 11. Actually, Monday being Memorial Day and all I’m sure there must be some type of festivities going on somewhere, right? I mean, what’s Memorial Day for? No, seriously, I just forgot what Memorial Day was for. What are we supposed to be remembering on Monday the 28th? Oh! Right! Soldiers. That died. Sometimes I frighten myself with how little my brain retains. What would I do without wikipedia? 12. Anyway, are there fireworks on Memorial Day? There must be, somewhere, right? I guess if all else fails we could drive back up to the beach in NH, buy some fireworks, and then illegally set them off somewhere in Massachusetts. Although I don’t really fancy the idea of spending time in the ER after we predictably blow off our fingers with bottle rockets. What about music? There’s got to be loads of people that want to sing about soldiers being killed off. Aren’t I so patriotic? 13. And that will be my weekend, folks. It’s supposed to be super nice out today and tomorrow, semi-nice out on Saturday, and blowsville on Sunday and Monday. Which sounds about right for May in New England. Hope you have fantabulous weekends and unless I get a stroke of sheer writing genius tomorrow I’ll see you for our regularly scheduled programming on Tuesday. |
May
23
Adieu College Kids, Bonjour Neighbors
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Last weekend Chris and I noted with a bit of relief that the long rows of moving trucks double-parked all over the City of Boston must signify the mass exodus of college students from their ratty apartments back to wherever the hell they hail from. Good riddance, undergraduate folk! Until September, may you grace your homelands with your drunken shouting and not my doorstep.
Does it seem as though I am still bitter about my Walden experience of Monday? Because I am.
Anyway, Chris and I discussed how with all the school kids gone our neighborhood would likely become very quiet and serene for the next few months. We fantasized about how a bunch of young professionals might move in; friendly folk that we could smile at and have the occasional chat, and then go on our merry (and quiet) ways. The trees were blooming, the two nasty girls next door had moved on, and our street was looking quite cheerful.
Except we were wrong, again. What we didn’t realize was that the sunny, warm weather meant that it was time for the 4-month long block party: all white trash, all the the time. It seems our invite was lost in the mail, but that doesn’t stop our neighbors from bringing out the lawn chairs and plastic stools, the beer cozies and the styrofoam coolers full of Natty Light, the packs of Newports and chew, and plopping themselves right down on the sidewalk every afternoon from 3 p.m. (when I get home from work- hell, they could be there well before 3 for all I know) to well past dark. All of them. In a row, in front of their houses. Calling to each other, cackling with laughter through emphysema lungs, and bellowing at their half-naked wayward children running in the street. All through my very open windows, which let in the breezy sunshine in addition to their blue collar cavorting.
Yesterday afternoon I lay down on my couch to try to do a little reading and/or napping before I set out for a long walk. The instant my head touched the soft pillow I heard an odd cawing shriek. What the hell? Where there crows outside? A band of wild crows? I peeked out the window to see a child squatting in his diaper in front of his drunk mother with his face all screwed up, letting out a steady flow of outraged screams at constant intervals. Four second scream, two second pause. Four second scream, two second pause. I thought, in my absurd naivete, that the noise was so irritating that surely someone would stop him quickly in some way. Wrong! Stupid NPW. Everyone just sat slumped in their molded plastic WalMart chairs staring stupidly at the boy and occasionally attempting to make feeble conversation around him.
How long could he last at this screaming game? Longer than I could. I threw on some shoes and bolted out the door for that walk before I could test the limits of his endurance. Come back, college kids! At least when it’s cold outside the neighbors contain their Crow Children to their basements.
On a happier note, here is a picture of the Boston skyline from the Tufts library roof- for Jenn, who misses the city.
May
22
Getting There
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As of today, four weeks left. For real. That means four more Monday mornings (although, next Monday morning is Memorial Day- this librarian gets to stay in bed!), four more classes with the illustrious 8th graders who will be moving on to high school, four more team meetings, four more outside lunches.
I finally caught up with all my outstanding orders and placed orders for next year. I finally (albeit grudgingly) wrote out a check for the $55 to attend the end-of-year retirement party- that better be some damn good chicken, is all I’m sayin’. I finally finished prowling through classrooms in search of missing overheads and slide projectors, finally hung all the posters for the book fair, finally recycled all the crap that’s come out of my mailbox over the last three months.
And I feel like I’m getting there. Mentally, I’ve pretty much already checked out of this place. Realistically, there’s still a lot to get done before I call it good enough and pack up for the summer. I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed with all the new responsibilities that will go along with my job next year, which are numerous and time-consuming. I’ve been trying to square away a schedule for my summer job and get information on the classes I’m supposed to be taking over the break. I’ve been thinking about the fact that the school committee just offered us a 0% raise for next year, and what I’ll do if we’re forced to strike. I’ve been penciling in birthdays and party invites and Frisbee and school activities like people can’t get enough of the NPW.
As you can see, I’m all in a state. In fact, I’ve been so flustered lately that in my state of unawareness last night I started to bring laundry down to the basement after dark. Alone. Only after I peered down into the cavernous black hole at the bottom of the stairs did my zombie fears return in full force and I flew back up the stairs and slammed the door shut behind me in a very dramatic fashion. Because seriously: that scene in 28 Weeks Later when the kids return to their old house and find their mother hiding in the attic room? That would definitely happen to me. And I so do not need the Rage virus right now.
May
21
15 Things
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Friends, my head has not been in the right place lately. I have this constant feeling of being out of sorts, like I’m unsure of how to be myself anymore. This feeling has it’s own ebb and flow of course, but I’ll admit it’s been kind of disconcerting. The last year has brought with it many changes- some amazing, some not quite so welcome. Today I decided that I was well overdue for a mental health day and I set out to enjoy a leisurely day at Walden Pond, famous home to Thoreau and the filming site of On Golden Pond. I packed up a book and a snack and some sunscreen and I headed for the woods for some deep contemplation re-reading of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Unfortunately, it appeared as though every college campus in the state of Massachusetts (and believe me, there are a lot of them), also decided that today was Mental Health Day ‘07 and also chose Walden as their get-away spot.
And in college, “get-away” means “sneaking vodka in Nalgene bottles and shouting and swearing while throwing oneself into a frigid lake in May”. Needless to say, it was not the relaxing jaunt I had been hoping for. But I did get some very pretty pictures- if you’d like to see them you can email me, I’ll send you the link to my flickr account. I’m far too lazy to post them in both places, you see.
Anyway, Jenn had a great Post Secret type of blog entry today and I thought I’d follow suit in the spirit of being cathartic. Here are 15 things that I wish to tell different people without naming any names.
- I’m still so angry and disappointed with you, I don’t know that I’ll ever not be angry. But I’m trying.
- I wanted you to be somebody else.
- You’re a better writer than I am; sometimes I’m jealous.
- You’ve always been there for me and I appreciate that more than you’ll ever know.
- Years later I’m still trying to understand how you could give up your family members so easily. I cannot understand your feelings but at least now I can accept them.
- Sometimes it’s difficult to be your friend when we have such different views of the world. But I’m glad we are; it’s good to have your beliefs shaken up once in a while.
- I hope our friendship continues to grow and I’m really very glad you showed up at this point in my life.
- I’m sorry that things did not work out the way we thought they would. I’m sorry we didn’t try harder. I’m sorry we left things the way we did.
- I never wanted to get to know you but you’ve made it really hard to hate you.
- I wish we didn’t live so far apart. I miss you.
- I secretly hope to run into you someday so that you can see how awesome I am compared to you.
- You are the person I turn to when I feel like there’s nobody and nothing else to make me feel better and you never ask for anything in return. I don’t tell you enough how important that is to me.
- I find you to be silly and immature, but sometimes I need that.
- I hope you’re happy and content, even if you wouldn’t wish the same for me.
- You are my love. You are my favorite. You are my home, and my heart, and you represent all the best things in my life. I want you to know that you mean more to me than I’ll ever be able to express in a silly blog post. And I’ll tell you that until forever.
May
18
Tetchy
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I’m not feeling particularly verbose today. Apart from yesterday’s amusement over Latawnya’s Naughty Horse Tales and an actual good episode of Lost on Wednesday, this week kind of blew. But! As of today I officially have four weeks (and two days) to go before I am relieved from duty. School is a battlefield, people. A metaphorical one, maybe, but still: battles. On a field.
Today we were invited to bring our classes down for a “musical presentation” by some high school kids. As soon as the lights went down and the high schoolers started singing some jazzy rendition of a cabaret song I honestly thought I was going to need to resort to using the librarian death glares and sending students out to sit in the hallway. Instead, the 8th graders were rapt with attention and I found that it was myself I had to stop from snorting with laughter. Am I evil? Possibly. But those g.d. high schoolers took themselves very seriously and it was really difficult to concentrate when all I could think of that terrible movie High School Musical (which we thought would be hilarious to rent and watch while drinking; it was not) and other, even worse, musicals like From Justin to Kelly and West Side Story. Anyway, I was relieved that the kiddos liked it because I would have been hard pressed to stop them from laughing about something I found so ludicrous myself.
The rest of this week has been sucked up by inventory (which makes me cry inside) and allergies (which make me cry on the outside). I missed Book Club last night, I was too tired and tetchy from a week spent searching for random overhead projectors to haul my ass to Southie. I regretted not going as soon as it was too late to make it- but then I fell asleep and had strange dreams about having mouth surgery in my aunt’s kitchen with an X-Acto knife, so I guess that probably means I needed the rest.
Tonight we’ve been invited to a couple of soirees. We’ll see which one sounds appealing; by the time Chris gets home from work it’ll probably be limited to whoever stays out the latest. And tomorrow: 28 Weeks Later. I need some zombies, yo. They’re the only thing that can pull this week into a plus.
Lata, playas.
May
17
Maybe you’ve already seen this, but I am reposting it here anyway in case you missed it. Why? Because it just made me laugh so hard I almost peed, sitting all alone here in the library. God, I love books.
Oh, and just in case you were wondering? I don’t own a copy in my library; I checked already. But I will own one, just you wait and see. My particular favorites? Illustrations on pages 22 and 28. Check it.
May
16
Why, Middle School? Why?!
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I went for a walk yesterday afternoon after I got out of work. The sun was shining, it was warm and breezy, and Mother Nature was calling my name. Little did I know, it was actually Satan himself posing as Mother Nature calling my name; as soon as I hit the road I started feeling ill. My head was pounding, I was sneezing my face off, and I was uncomfortably hot.
Either I am dreadfully out of shape or that damn Claritin is worthless. And I’ve been going to the gym, so don’t try telling me it’s the former. Also, Frisbee starts next week and I can already tell it’s going to be quite amusing wheezing my hay fevered, winter-weighted self up and down the field. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this Zyrtec that Chris brought home is going to be the magic allergy pill to get me feelin’ all kinds of wonderful.
Yeah, if you can’t tell? I’m kind of a mess this week.
This morning I also broke up my first fight. It wasn’t really a real fight, like the kind in the teen high school movies where people get smashed into lockers and onlookers chant and cheer them on. It was more like a little Asian kid quietly punching a scrawny white kid in the back of the head behind the library stacks. I happened to be walking through and caught them, barked out orders for them to go sit outside the Assistant Principal’s office, and had a little freak out as to what might have happened if I hadn’t caught them. Oh yeah, and I also sent another kid down there because he was rude and disrespectful.
For real: don’t mess with the NPW today, kiddos. I’ve had about enough. Like, enough for the rest of the school year. Which is only five weeks away. Do you think I’ll make it?