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Phew! It’s over. All that work for that one little day. I sure hope Baby Jesus is happy with himself. Actually, though, I ended up having a great Christmas- lots of holiday cheer and festivities. C and I had a lovely day, starting with my darling mother making us Christmas breakfast, followed by a ridiculous room full of presents to be unwrapped and a dinner the likes of which you will probably never see in your life, unless you happen to get invited to one of my family functions.

I was very impressed with the thoughtfulness of gift-giving this year. Chris got me a new little Fuji camera! I like to think it’s because he’s such a love and not because he was tired of me stealing his, but either way I have a new obsession. He also got me some delicious smelling perfume (euphoria), some awesome skull wellie boots from Steve Madden, a coffee grinder (yay!), and a couple other little things. Best. Boyfriend. Ever.

In keeping with tradition, my parents went a little beserk with the gifts. Chris, me, my sister, and my sister’s boyfriend all got a gift certificate to do this: rest assured, there will be lots of pictures! I also received some riding boots, clothes, a crock pot, and lots of gift certificates. No lie, I’ll be drinking Dunkin’ Donuts coffee for free well into the summer of ‘07. I’ll also be shopping at Ikea, Pier 1, Netflix, and J. Crew right quick.

With that, I am signing off to do some more lazing about. True to my word, it is 2:30 in the afternoon and I haven’t yet considered getting out of my pajamas. Hope you’re all well-rested and had a wonderful holiday. And if you’re at work today, well, I’m very sorry for you. Merry Day After Christmas!

Ahh… the prospect of vacation in just a few short hours. Can you smell it? It smells real good. Man, I love Fridays- but the Fridays before vacations are way better.

I spent my morning playing Guitar Hero with the darling children (who love to yell WHAMMY!!! when playing Iron Man, which I find totally amusing), receiving gifts (mostly of chocolate, which I don’t normally eat much of), and accepting coffee after coffee from different holiday well-wishers (how could I refuse free coffee, even if I’ve had about 13 cups this morning?). My plan for the rest of the day? More of the same. That’s what holidays are for: complete self-indulgence.

Speaking of self-indulgence, I wanted to give you all a head’s up that I may be taking a little blog vacation in addition to my school vacation. Or maybe not… we’ll see if I’m feeling up to it. Keep an eye out for some random posts, but if I don’t see you…

Happy holidays from NPW!

In lieu of having actual friends over every day, I’ve decided to just hang out with the technicians from Comcast. You know, since they’re in my apartment daily at this point. They could have built a new Comcast headquarters in my driveway by now, but they’ve still not managed to get my cable to be anything but a mess of scrambled signals. It’s lovely, really: it prevents me from having any meaningful relationship with my tv. But if Comcast thinks I’m going to miss another episode of the Office? They better prepare for a throwdown. And I don’t mean like last Thursday, when the cable man stood awkwardly in my bedroom with me for 15 minutes watching the Office Christmas special. I mean watching tv in peace, with the knowledge that any time I need some cheesy 80’s movies or an episode of Good Eats, I can access them with one little button click.

At least last night they didn’t send the socially awkward, pimply technician. No, last night they sent the little street thug Eminem wannabe who made it big in the world of cable tv. His Comcast hat was all sideways, he had on more gold chains than I could count, and I’m pretty sure if he didn’t have his belt cinched on the very last loop his jeans would have no way to stay on his body. I felt like mentioning to him that once the boxers start fraying and you can see the elastic waistband, it’s time to buy new boxers. Or at least to pull up your pants enough so other people don’t need to see them.

Still, not as bad as last week’s doof, who blushed hot pink when I asked if he’d like a drink of water and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like “I want to snort coke” but was probably more along the lines of, “I only drink Coke” judging by the four black teeth he had left in his face. I spent about three and a half hours with him mumbling things about cable lines and splitters and other crap I have no idea about. Once he declared things “fixed”, he stood for another half hour watching tv- me, uncomfortable with him being in my bedroom for so long, him, chuckling maniacally under his breath at an ancient episode of The Simpsons. Finally Chris came home and I was spared any further explanations on cable signals.

But guess what? I get to do it again tonight! Excitement! Happy! Cable!

What’s today? Wednesday? How is it not Friday yet? What’s happening here? Time is simultaneously speeding up and stopping completely. Seriously, I just had this thought a few minutes ago: “How can Christmas only be 5 days away?!”, immediately followed by “I can’t believe how much this week is dragging!”

Those types of thoughts seem to be pretty indicative of my life. For example, one day I’ll think, “Thank goodness nobody’s called me today, I hate talking on the telephone.” Then the next day I’m disproportionately upset that I haven’t heard from anyone in days because of course that must mean that no one loves me anymore.

Or I’ll be telling people how much I love my job, then complain to Chris for a solid 45 minutes about waking up at the crack of dawn, how wretched the children are, and how ridiculous the education system is right now.

Basically, I’m a big Christmas sack of Contradictions the past few weeks. Anyway, what was I talking about earlier? Oh yeah, vacation. (Did I mention that in addition to being contradictory I also currently have the attention span of a 6th grader on a highball of Ritalin, Red Bull, and cocaine?) So- vacation. I just have to make it through Thursday and Friday and I’m all set. I’ve even told my two classes that I’ll bring in Guitar Hero for them to play, or I can set up the DDR and let them go to town. Fun for one and all! (Especially me, when I school them in War Pigs!) Two more days of shelving books, doling out book recommendations, and explaining the differences between Venn diagrams and Boolean operators. Two more days of holiday luncheons/breakfasts/snacks from faculty/staff/parents/kids. In short, two more days of madness.

I started a different post and scrapped it, I just wasn’t feeling it. Instead, I decided to rub it in everyone’s face that I am closing in on a 10 day vacation and the prospect of so much freedom is making me giddy with anticipation. The problem lies in what to do with all my free time to maximize the fun factor- on the one hand, it is fun to lie about in bed reading and catching up on movies for three days straight. On the other hand, a world of opportunity is open to me. I could do a lot of things in 10 days. I could hike the Mayan ruins, build houses for Habitat for Humanity, camp on a beach in Belize, ski the Alps. Or I could finish unpacking, visit with relatives, do some volunteering, and try to keep warm. You know, either way.

I’ve had many New Year’s invites in the past few weeks; it’s nice to know I’m in demand. I just haven’t comitted to anything until Chris figures out if he can get some vacation time for a few days in the 585- I hate to admit it, but I’ve missed the old Rocha-cha. (Well, maybe not the city so much as the people. Although, I could use some Dino BBQ. Or California Rollin’. Mmm.) Anyway, rest assured all you NY party people that we are trying our darnedest to figure out an itinerary. What’s everyone else’s plan to ring in 2007?

Because I’ve been such a cry baby this week I didn’t think it’d be fair to drop yet another whiny bomb on you, dear readers, but it’s Friday and I have to get this off my chest. Pop quiz! Multiple choice: what will your beloved NPW be doing this weekend?

So the fake cheer thing isn’t working for me. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s making me feel worse. Next option to try: curling up under the covers watching TLC and crying into a balled up tissue periodically, in between eating handfuls of tortilla chips, microwave popcorn, and M&Ms. That might make things seem more bearable, at least.

For once I won’t bore you all with every minute detail of the ludicrosity that is my life (did I just make ludicrosity up? I think I did… oh wait, it’s in the urban dictionary – I am so gangsta I didn’t even know it). Suffice it to say, I am A) an idiot of sorts, and B) very, very unlucky. That combination, paired with the holiday season and a few other familial factors makes me one unhappy camper. Since I’ve already told you about a few of the many, many problems that have arisen in the past few weeks I’ll just supply you with a basic NPW Quality of Life meter check:

My couch is still leaning comfortable on it’s side in my front hallway. I am grateful that I have had so many offers of help, for sure, but at this point I think my best option is to return the stupid thing to Ikea and search for an ugly sectional or fold-up, origami-style, fits-in-your-pocket type couch. (-10 NPWs QOL)

My stove does not work. Why? I do not know, nor does my landlord. Maybe the smell of gas pouring ineffectively out of the burners will numb my pain. (-5 NPWs QOL)

My landlord decided that rather than fix it he’ll just buy us a new one. It’s being delivered on Saturday. (+5 NPWs QOL)

My landlord also explained the heating system to Chris and I, making us feel like jerks for thinking he would steal our heat (and also making me feel bad for calling him a rat thief). I knew someone who married that smiley little roly-poly Greek lady couldn’t be all bad! (+3 NPWs QOL)

My old landlord has still not sent my security deposit back to me, thus I have to drive there and actually confront them about it. I avoid confrontation like no one’s business, but today will suck it up. (-7 NPWs QOL)

I have roughly $180 dollars in overdraft fees from one stupid check that I thought would be deposited in January that actually got deposited this week. I hate finances. A lot. (-20 NPWs QOL)

I have a family that loves me, a Christopher that loves me, and friends that love me. (+100 NPWs QOL)

Estimated Quality of Life: 66. A solid D. Not as bad as I suspected!

I know everything will turn out ok. I just wish it were sooner rather than later.

As I was crawling under my couch today to get out the front door I had a realization: I am not in a good mood. I have not been in a good mood for over a week. Upon having this little epiphany I decided that being a Bad News Bear was no longer acceptable. So, I turned my frown upside down and have been a barrel of cheer all morning long. Errr, or something like that.

At least, I mean, I’ve been smiling at people all morning. Even when three different people barged into my office bellowing about problems with the copy machine (without the slightest hint of a “please” or “thank you for not being an idiot and being able to fix my idiotic problems”), I simply gave them my most serene smile and said, “Sure! No problem! I’ll be right in to press the Clear button so that you can make your copies.”

And when the woman in the next office over asked me what I thought of her Winter Wonderland bedazzled sweater that she got off the 75% clearance rack at Macy’s? Well I was all grins. I was practically made of grins. I praised her bargain hunting skills to the hilt. Why? Because I am tired of being the Christmas Grinch. My heart is not two sizes too small!

I can prove it: last night I spent hours putting lights and decorations up, wrapping presents, and cleaning so that the place would at least look pretty, even without a place to sit and heat that’s probably going to cost me the equivalent of entire Texas oil field. See?! I am so in the Christmas spirit right now it’s practically giving me a seizure!

As a sign of my extreme goodwill, I am wishing for you all to get your shopping done quickly and painlessly, that you all get what you most want and not something so bad you will need to immediately regift to your co-worker, and that you too experience the joys of Christmas cheer during this holiday season. Merry Xmas to all and to all a good day!

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