What I’m Reading
Sep
29
A Fair Fun-Fest
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Today I would like to formally acknowledge that my posts have, as of late, been lacking a certain je ne sais quoi*. Ok, ok, I know: they kinda suck. And I know I suck for not pouring my heart and soul into writing them. But quite frankly, my brain has been so all over the place lately that I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I might even go so far as to say that you’re all pretty lucky I’ve managed to pull it together to write anything at all, all things considered.
This weekend bears with it the Great Deerfield Fair (I just added the Great right now- why should NY get a Great and not NH?), and I am going to be one excited fair-goer. I would tell you that it’s my favorite event of the fall season but that would be false; it’s my favorite event of the year! It symbolizes all that is holy about fall in New England: the smell of wet leaves and hay and moussed up mullets. The 4-H clubs of NH and their sad little baking contests. Paying a dollar to see the world’s largest bear in a shady caravan, only to be disappointed by a fake-o stuffed animal. But enjoying it anyway because you have a caramel apple in one hand and a cup of hot cider in the other (and an apple bellyache on the way). Finding treasures like hair decorations with hot pink feathers and leather togs attached to an old roach clip and black face Aunt Jemima dolls (actual finds) that have probably been sitting in some old man’s attic since 1974. Watching someone skillfully wield a chainsaw to create large wood totem poles to post in your yard next to the “Forget the Dog, Beware of Owner” signs. Trying to make the sheep baa at you while they are being shorn of their warm wool, which will then be used to make amazingly hairy ponchos in an assortment of disturbing color combinations. Getting yelled at in the midway, catching 12 year olds making out behind the poultry barn, stepping in cow poop, and making yourself sick on rides that are likely missing more than one nut and bolt. Trying to find the “Relaxation Grove”, which turns out to really just be a greasy dark alley behind the fried dough guy and the french fry guy with two picnic tables occupied by large men dressed in leather and do-rags.
One last thing! For those of you who read The Boy’s blog and are just reading this as a substitute for his, I can tell you all that despite his lack of posts he is, in fact, doing well. I have not locked him in the basement, feeding him only Boston baked beans and Sam Adams- although he would probably like that. No, he is actually just putting in some long days at the new job, learning the ropes and such. That’s right, my man knows how to brown nose his way to the top! However, I’m sure as soon as things get a bit more settled it will be back to the usual hilarity over at brickwindow.
I’ll leave you with this thought for the weekend:
*Eh? You like that? Mad French skills.
Sep
28
Absolute Zero
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I’ve got nothing for you today, people. No, seriously. I don’t even know where my head’s at, so there’ll be nothing of interest to read here. Go on, get. Why are you still reading this? You’re that bored? Fine, whatever. Do what you want, but I’m not promising anything.
Ok, so I might have a couple things I could discuss with you. For instance, I could give you a list of reasons on why I am banning senior citizens from my library, or why segways should not be allowed to zoom around on the sidewalks, or why I’ve felt like busting up a Starbucks lately, or a few profound pontifications on why the Deerfield Fair trumps all other fairs.
But I don’t want to and I’m not going to. And you can’t make me.
So that’s it. I’m done. Check back in tomorrow- there may be something exciting waiting for you. If you’re lucky. Now vamoose.
Sep
27
The Weepuls Are Back In Town
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Strange days here in the life of NPW. A mid-week update for you:
1. The magazine drive here at school is in full effect which can only mean one thing: weepul madness. Do you remember these things? I have vague memories of competing for them back in ‘92 when I was in middle school, but the fervor they inspire in these children to sell, sell, sell is a bit alarming. (Although I did find myself getting excited when one of my volunteers smuggled me the punk pig weepul yesterday and the penguin in a tuxedo weepul today. Anyone interested in buying a magazine from me?)
2. My crazy French class starts this afternoon. Since I could already use a nap, I’m hoping this “Madame” (as she calls herself) is at the very least entertaining enough that I don’t have to sit there doodling “je veux dormir maintenant” over and over again like I did in high school. Maybe she’ll let me sing La Marseillaise for everyone at the end?
3. Two long weekends coming up, just filled with things to do. Top of the list: Deerfield Fair. Second on that list: more Deerfield Fair. There will be some other fall events thrown in, but the fair? Seriously. Don’t front. Tractor pulls + caramel apples = love.
4. I haven’t been feeling quite myself lately. This could be caused by any number of possibilities; the change in temperature, the sniffly allergies, the disappointing doctor’s visits, the readjustment to waking up before daybreak, or the newness of having Chris here. I’ve also found that I’ve been working hard to make sure Chris is feeling settled and happy, which is something I haven’t had to do previously. He seems to be doing great, though, so I’m thankful for that. He’s so easy-going and patient and optimistic, it’d be hard to go wrong. He definitely gets x’s and o’s all around.
So that’s it for another episdode of Writing Down the Details of Your Life. See you tomorrow for some Thursday fun.
Sep
26
Rich Old White Ladies: Not Very P.C.
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Both Blogger and gmail have been broken all day. Whether this was because they were, in fact, broken, or due to some technical work snafu involving stringent firewalls I don’t know. But here I am, a tad bit crankier and whole lot sleepier.
Sometimes my work is like an episode of The Office, only more disheartening because it takes place in a building of learning (and is real).
So today I was flipping through one of the manga books I ordered and I was slightly dismayed at the amount of violence I encountered. When I mentioned this to one of my senior citizen volunteers, she shrugged and said off-handedly, “Why don’t you ask one of those Japs that sit in the back of the library what they think of it?”
I know I must have flushed bright pink, but managed to squeak out, “Umm. They’re Chinese.”
“Oh,” she replied, “they’re all just slanty-eyed to me.” And turned back to her dusting.
I can’t tell you where her blanket “Asian/slanty-eyed” stance comes from, but damn if she didn’t just bowl me over with a charm only the moneyed elderly possess. Wonder what she thinks of the Jews? Maybe I’ll wish her a happy Yom Kippur and find out.
Sep
25
The Weekly Grind: Commencing
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Isn’t it funny* how all week you keep thinking that if you can just hold on ’till the weekend everything will be ok, then the weekend flies by and you can barely remember what you did? It sometimes feels like my weekends aren’t my own, that they just exist to catch up on all the stuff you couldn’t possibly get done otherwise. But things are all good- my Christopher is mostly settled in and starts his new job today. Keep your fingers crossed for him!
So Friday night Chris, Kirsten, Laura and I snagged the T over to Brookline for some Shabu Shabu, which was beautifully presented and surprisingly delicious. I was expecting just a big ol’ plate of raw meat like they had on Lost in Translation, but it came with bunches of leafy greens and vegetables and rice and noodles, too. We had a blast just boiling stuff up and trying not to lose our meal in the giant metal pot they bring to your table. Thumbs up- I would recommend this place for both hours of entertainment and mad good food. Bonus: their prices are definitely right, and everything is big enough to split.
Saturday was spent watching hours of bizarre cartoons in the morning, waving a sad goodbye to Kirsten, and a trip up to NH to steal a computer monitor and some free home-cooked dinner from the Parents. By the time we made it back down to the city we had almost forgotten about the Harvard Square pub crawl that was going on but made it over there in time to catch the Grafton Street and Hong Kong action. Thankfully, we got out alive before everyone headed upstairs at the Hong Kong for some crazy hip hop dance moves mixed with multiple scorpion bowls.
And finally, Sunday. Oh, Sunday. Sundays are meant for relaxing and naps and reading in bed and maybe a movie or a pleasant walk somewhere. But not this Sunday- instead, I was treated to yet another bridal shower. A bridal shower where the bride in question 1. hates surprises, 2. hates being the center of attention, and 3. doesn’t cook or like to decorate, therefore rendering almost every gift either unusable or unnecessary. A bridal shower that included all three of those things. As you can imagine, fun did not ensue.
After we managed our escape from wedding hell, however, I did manage to relax a little by stealing The Boy’s Nintendo DS and playing the most inane game I have encountered, Lost in Blue. It basically involved running around an island collecting coconuts so I didn’t starve to death and building fires so I didn’t freeze… then waking up and doing it all over again. Until I found some wood and made a spear so I could catch fish- then it got real interesting! So after that sucked a few hours of my life away, I made some shrimp stir-fry for us, tidied things up a bit, read for a few minutes until my eyes were closing, and finally fell asleep around 11:30.
To wake up and start it all over again. At least in real life I don’t have to collect coconuts to stay alive.
*By funny I mean sad.
Sep
22
The Week In Review
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All in all, this week has been a major success. Cristoforo is all moved in, the working week is almost over, and I have two long weekends of fall fun and foliage coming up, thanks to the Jews and Mr. Columbus. Yes indeed, life is just peachy. In fact, I think I’d even go so far as to bestow the highest honor possible on this week:
That’s right. The pirate seal of awesomeness. Now you have yourself a shiny weekend and I’ll see you on the Mondizzle.
Sep
21
There’s Something In The Air
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Ahem. Yes. So. Remember last year when I mentioned all the mold and mildew creeping about this library? And remember how I was sick, like, 12 times last year? Well, I was pretty convinced by the end of the year that the latter was due to the former. Then today I get word from the principal: the reason the 35 year old orange carpeting has never been replaced is because underneath it is a generous layer of asbestos tile. Yes, he nods, the rug is certainly harboring a veritable colony of moldy bacteria, but which is the lesser of two evils, really?
His solution: a dehumidifier in the summer months.
Hmmm. Ok. Just one question, though- will a dehumidifier stop the asbestos fibers that cause cancer and serious illness from being inhaled into my sensitive lungs? I thought not. I guess I’ll have to suck it up and deal with the constant sneezing and runny nose.
Quick survey: Is this man
A. Collecting valuable moon rocks to sell on eBay,
B. Vacuuming the asbestos tile so that it’s squeaky clean,
C. Thinking of setting that hose on “spray”, thus releasing toxic asbestos fibers into the air, all because he is an evil scientist bent on starting the first apocalypse (as evidenced by the angry-eyebrowed face on his suit),
or D. Trying to figure out how he can get that hose inside his suit without tearing it, so that he can vacuum-seal himself in?
Sep
20
What the Fluff?
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Little known fact: Fluff was invented right here in Massachusetts, in the lovely village of Somerville, Union Square. Yep, you know it- we New Englanders love our fake marshmallow product a whole lot. So much, in fact, that next Saturday (the 30th), is What The Fluff? Day in Union.
According to the website, there will be science fair Fluff projects, baking contests, taste tests, and even a special guest appearance by the “Flufferettes”. Exactly who or what the Flufferettes are, I don’t know- but I’m sure as hell not going to miss it! I figure it will be paying homage to the meal I had every single day of high school: Fluffernutter, apple, can of Sprite. The epitome of health.
The famous Durkee and Mower still have not released the actual recipe for marshmallow Fluff to date; although they are required to list the ingredients, the process of creating it remains quite secret (they’re like the Willy Wonkas of Fluff… only, they definitely don’t have that cool elevator and a waterfall of Fluff might be a bit of an overkill). They do, however, mention that Fluff is both gluten-free and kosher. Yum! I can’t wait to have me a belly full of sugar, egg whites, and vanilla.
Also, if you have a spare minute or ten, check out this page for some scary ass Fluff cartoons that you can print and color. Enjoy!
Sep
19
This One Goes Out To You, Gila Monster
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Fun fact: did you know that you’re not supposed to eat puffer fish? It’s true. They produce a neurotoxin in their organs, making them a potentially lethal dinner. Thankfully though, the only way to be poisoned by the darlings is to actually ingest them, which no one in their right mind would do after taking one look at them.
On another note, there is another animal that produces a very similar neurotoxin (and one we do not have in this library). It’s the infamous gila monster. In contrast to the puffer, however, the gila injects his poison through his hollow teeth. Gilas are not often fatal to humans, but they bite hard and have a tenacious jaw grip. Probably not a very fun time, but then, it must be hard for them to live up to the surname “monster”.
Sep
18
Gimme Some of that Gooshy Stuff
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