What I’m Reading
May
10
THIS Computer Is Very Strange
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This week a substitute teacher approached me in the library and said she wanted to let me know that the computers “were not letting her out to google”. She said it very gravely, like it was something I should be jumping up to investigate right then. I informed her that my computer was working fine, and the network seemed to be up and running smoothly (for once). She looked at me suspiciously and said, “Well, maybe it’s just not letting me get to google.”
Inwardly rolling my eyes, I got up from what I was working on and went to look at the computer where she was sitting. She had up the library catalog and I could see she had typed GOOGLE into the catalog search bar. I just don’t even… I can’t… my brain melted.
Still, me being me, I explained to her that she was using the library catalog, not a search engine. “Yes?”, she responded, like she couldn’t see how that was a problem. I then told her to erase the current URL and type in google.com. She clicked to the end of the URL and proceeded to backspace one letter at a time while I stood there grinding my teeth. Twenty-seven minutes later she finally, gingerly, tapped the caps lock key and wrote GOOGLE, and sat there looking at the screen. Didn’t hit enter. Didn’t ACTUALLY TYPE a URL at all.
And while I stared incredulously at the back of her head she muttered, “See? This is the problem with knowing your home computer so well. THIS computer is very strange.”
Guess she better just stay at home for the rest of her life then.
Apr
9
Game-Time Decision
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I made the mistake recently of counting up how many weeks I have left in the school year. While there were far more weeks left than seems possible, I still feel like I must be nearing the end of the line. We’re already well into April! That means only May and part of June! Plus I have next week off for April break! Oh who am I kidding? Summer break is forever away and I am NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT.
Sorry. Had to take a minute there and get hold of myself. The thing is, I gave myself a deadline of April to decide what I wanted to do about this job. Since we still do not have a contract here (going on two years now!), the likelihood of my middle school position coming back still does not seem great (going on four years now!). Should I stick it out and hope that next year will be the year I get to return to what I actually want to do, or cut my losses and start applying to other schools? If I’m being honest here, both options sound pretty terrible to me, but salary-wise I’d be dumb to leave this district. Ugh. It sucks that everything comes down to money, doesn’t it?
Lately everything about school has been pushing my irritation levels to maximum capacity. There are days when the kids are so far up in my grill that I actually feel a physical response to flee. Have you ever had thirty 8-year olds shouting your name while you try to do something? It’s alarming, to say the least. The other day I had a line of twenty kids waiting to check out books and one lone kid at the front of the line who had this conversation, mostly with himself: “Hmmm. I have a question… what was it again? Hmm. Oh yeah, I remember! Wait. What was it… oh yeah! So, do you have any books in this library?”
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE END.
And it’s not just the kids. A couple weeks ago I came back from the bathroom to find two teachers huddled over the printer. One of them nudged the other and hissed, “YOU ask her!” Come to find out, they were arguing about how to open the printer tray to add more paper. This is not a joke, people. Two grown-ass, Masters’-degreed women could not figure out how to open the paper tray of a printer. Commence self-destruct sequence.
On the bright side, poor Jay will listen to me complain until I run out of ranty things to say. That’s not to say I enjoy bitching about it, but I have some willing listeners and that’s pretty great. And my weekends have been so jam-packed with the awesome that it makes the work weeks bearable; beaming a shiny beacon of light at the end of the ugly work tunnel. I guess I couldn’t really ask for more than those weekends with my awesome friends and amazing boyfriend.
(But seriously. Should I stay or should I go?)
Mar
7
Taking A Little Trip
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DISCLAIMER: Please do not be alarmed when you read this post. I’ll just start at the end to let you know that I am completely fine. A little more loopy than normal, maybe, but that’s to be expected. Also, lady bits will be mentioned briefly. Please bear with me.
With that said, I spent last Friday night in the ER. That day had started off just dandy; it was the kickoff for our huge author conference at school and everything had gone off without a hitch. I was feeling pretty pleased with myself and went home to hang for a little while before going out and celebrating. I was sitting on the couch reading, minding my own business, when out of the blue I was hit with a wave of stomach pain that almost made me pass out. Ladies: imagine cramps, magnified to the point of being doubled over.
I tried to wait it out and lasted about twenty minutes before the sweating and crying made me text my roommates that I needed them to come home from grocery shopping immediately. I had no idea what was wrong, but I was pretty sure it was not going to go away on its own like I had hoped.
Fortunately my roommates were not far and Catherine drove my sorry self to the nearest hospital. Which, also fortunately, is not far either, less than a mile away. A sign of how sick I was: I barely noticed anything about my surroundings or the fact that I left my roommate in the waiting room until I was on a bed with a steady stream of narcotics pumping into my veins. (If you’ve never had an IV, I do not recommend it. It feels disgusting. But oh, sweet relief of pain medication.)
Since I had never been to the ER for something like this before, here are some of the things I noticed: first, everything takes an inordinately long time. Unless you cry, then pain meds come pretty fast. They decided on a CAT scan and an ultrasound and it took three hours just to prep for the CAT scan, including drinking a half gallon of some nasty fluid, which was the only thing I was allowed to eat or drink for the entire eight hours I was in the hospital.
Second, most people have no awareness that curtained off “rooms” are not soundproof. In the three adjacent rooms I heard from a woman who had been hit by a car, another woman who had scabies, and a Tufts undergrad who had broken a rib skiing and was very concerned that he wouldn’t be having sex for a while. No amount of narcotics could drown out their conversations.
Third, doctors do not at all like to tell you what they might be checking for. I won’t lie, it’s scary as shit not being able to move for pain and no one will speculate as to why. Eventually I got out of a nurse that they were checking for all kinds of things: appendix, kidney stones, gall bladder, ovarian cysts. No, no history of any of those things in my family. No, I’ve never experienced any of those things before. Yes, it is freaking me out to be wheeled around the ER in my bed like I’m some kind of terminal patient.
Many hours and two staff shifts later, my final ultrasound revealed a ruptured ovarian cyst the size of a plum. Since normal ovaries are the size of an almond and do not explode inside your body, you can imagine what was causing the pain. Apparently ovarian cysts are very common and not normally serious, but they definitely sound pretty terrible when you are not aware of that fact.
Jay was the best and picked me up from the ER, filled my prescriptions, and made me ramen at 3 am because I hadn’t eaten since my 11:30 am lunch time. He also spent the weekend making sure I was comfortable and offering to do everything for me because he’s the sweetest. (Even after I threw up all over his car from pain med nausea. That’s love, guys.)
Five days later I still feel awful, like someone keeps punching me in the kidneys repeatedly, but at least I don’t feel like I might pass out from the pain. Plus, those fantastic pain drugs they gave me in the hospital? They sent me home with some too. Plus side: they take away the pain. Minus side: they make me feel like sleeping through this entire week of author conferences that I have been planning since September. I mean, it’s pretty dark in that auditorium. Who’s going to notice me anyway?
Feb
15
All I Need Are Some Bob Dylan Lyrics
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While sitting in traffic this evening, contemplating life, I realized there are a few things I know definitively about myself. I present you with a sampling of these absolute, unwavering facts:
1. I hate when people use the word “sammy” for sandwich and “hubby” for husband.
2. I will try to sing like Florence and the Machine while in the shower.
3. I feel happiest when I’m near the ocean.
4. I’ll never not be a reader, and I don’t care what other people say about YA literature. I love it.
5. I’d never purposely misspell words in order to shorten them.
6. I’m meant to work with middle school kids. I get them and they get me.
7. I’m gonna try to pet your dog.
8. If you fuck up the copy machine and walk away, I will hunt you down and embarrass you about it.
8. I love my friends, family, and Jay.
You get the idea.
For a long time, wanting to write to express myself was on that list too. Personal blogging has gotten a bad rap over the years but they’re still my favorite pieces of writing because I always want to feel like I can relate to other people all over the world. And for a long time, it was important for me to also feel like other people could relate to me.
While I don’t think that urge has gone away completely there are now so many other ways for me to put my thoughts out there it’s become less necessary for me to put in the effort of writing something full and coherent. On twitter I can throw any random musing up and 140 characters later, I’m out. If I see a picture I like I can throw it on a pinterest board and peace. So, you know, things change.
On top of that, I live with two of my best friends and am in a relationship with someone who truly values communication- on every topic, big or small. Still, over the past few months there have been a few people who have asked about my blog. All I can think to answer is that I’m happy to have it, and happy to have people read it, and that’s all I need for now.
Well. That, and a glass of wine, because really, who reads without wine?
Jan
2
Welcome, 2012!
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You guys! I’m so glad we all made it through 2011 together. There were definitely a few rough patches along the way and I was a bit worried, for all of us really, but it looks like we survived the worst of it. Luckily I feel really good about the way things ended and 2012 is already shaping up to be a great year.
Still, the dread of having to return to work tomorrow after having an amazing week off for the holidays has definitely set in. The next few months are probably going to be worse than ever, since tomorrow starts our big union fight for a contract. Picketing is now mandatory. Every teacher is walking in and out of the school building together at our exact contract hours. We’re not allowed to bring any work h0me with us. Normally this kind of workplace stress would send me into a frenzy of anxiety and worry- how will I get everything done? What will I do with the kids? When will I plan lessons? But somehow I have this feeling it’s all going to be okay.
Plus, I printed out the forms for a year-long sabbatical before I left for break.
What would I do with a year off? Right now I have no idea. All I know is I’d really like some time away from school and this district and the stress it has brought me. It still remains to be seen if I’ll ever fill these forms out, but just the physical presence of them in my work bag makes me feel a little better.The possibility is there. It’s tangible. I could do it.
The other reason I feel like it’s all going to be okay is because in addition to having amazing and supportive friends and family, I also have this amazing guy. I guess in the era of Facebook I’ve never really “announced” being in a relationship, so I didn’t fully realize that people would be ALL up on it when I did. But the comments and likes on my relationship status change were hilarious and lovely, so I thank those of you who saw it. Plus, I think he’s one of the best people I know, so I’m pretty sure that those of you who come to visit me will dig him. All we do is laugh. Besides my really close friends, I don’t think there’s anyone whose company I’ve ever enjoyed so simply and purely. Basically: he is lovely.
So that’s that. I hope the first few days of your new year have been as joy-filled as mine. Cheers.
Dec
1
Well, it’s been two years in the making but this afternoon my school district finally voted to go work-to-rule. In non-educational-politics terms this basically means that we are boycotting doing anything outside of contractual hours until the town gives us a contract that isn’t insulting. Sounds extra fun, right? Because picketing these last three weeks has been AMAZING, let me tell you. I can’t wait to tell parents I’m no longer going to be doing anything except check out books.
Wait. That’s what most people think I do anyway. Sigh.
Anyway, in the spirit of hating my work life and having zero holiday cheer, I thought I’d help all you out. I present to you a list of all the presents a public school teacher will hate you forever for making her lug them home:
- Candy
- Cookies
- Cookies with candy in them
- Anything Lilly Pulitzer
- Anything from Vineyard Vines (maybe this is just a Massachusetts thing?)
- Gingerbread houses (I will kill you)
- Ornaments with a teacher theme (apples, chalkboards, bullwhip)
- Homemade cards with nothing in them but sentiment
Presents for which I am happy to make five trips to my car:
- Wine
- Gift cards (notably: iTunes, amazon, and Starbucks)
- Cash monies
- Books
I’m nothing if not helpful. You’re welcome!
Luckily, all is not terrible. I had a lovely birthday-slash-Thanksgiving that I was able to spend with family and friends and a cute boy who brought me flowers. And I know in the long run that the school thing will work it out. (Although, between you and me, I already applied for a different job than the one I’m currently doing. Shh.) Plus, on the way home I saw such a magnificently gaudy display of lights on a Town Hall that I actually smiled despite myself. Maybe this weekend of holiday movies with the aforementioned cute boy will snap me out of my holiday funk.
Nov
20
The fact that I have two and a half days to get through this week is the only thing that’s keeping me from calling into work tomorrow with a sudden acute case of malaria. Or tuberculosis. Or whatever disease will keep me from having to deal with third graders for a little while longer. See, the thing is, my birthday is on Thursday, which also happens to be one of the biggest holidays of the year. Which means none of my friends will be around to help me celebrate because they all have families and people that love them and shit. THE NERVE.
Not that my family won’t be around on my birthday. They will. It just feels like I’m going to get gypped, celebration-wise; like no one has to make a particular effort to see me because we’re all going to be together anyway. I don’t want my birth to be secondary to cranberry sauce, dammit! But I already know it’s happening. Last night my bestie and I had a joint birthday party at our new place and zero family members showed up. As in, the people who are obligated to love me couldn’t be bothered to drive the 35 minutes to light some candles and sing to me. So I guess that’s where I stand with them.
Luckily I did have a whole bunch of friends swing by to do it up. They wore party hats and made cupcakes and brought champagne and it was pretty lovely. I also have plans on Wednesday with a boy I like. I’d tell you all about him, but I don’t want to jinx things. We’ll just leave it that I am genuinely enjoying his company, which makes it even nicer that he’s going to celebrate with me.
I sincerely hope you all stuff your faces full of turkey and have an extra slice of pie in my honor. Maybe you could stick a candle in it and whisper the happy birthday song to me. Because that wouldn’t be creepy at all! And as much as I love this holiday, I’ll be really glad when I can stop reading Facebook updates on all the boring things people are grateful for.
Happy thanksgiving!
Nov
5
High School, Beer, and Cheese
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As someone pointed out, my last post was in October. It is now November, which I suppose means I should write my monthly update. Truth be told, I’m not sure how I went from writing every single day to feeling overwhelmed at updating every couple of weeks, but there you have it. I’d straight up blame it on the fact that my job is insanity and I’m taking two classes, but you know if I didn’t feel so crazytown anxious every time I opened a blank post I’d still be writing all the time regardless of what else was going on.
But things here are pretty good, all things considered. I’ve finally settled into a schedule at work. That’s not to say I enjoy it, but at least it doesn’t feel wholly overwhelming every day of my life. Sometimes the kids are crazy cute, sometimes they’re crazy disgusting, and most days they’re just plain crazy, but you know, they’re little. It’s mostly okay.
I took a trip last weekend to visit a friend in Wisconsin. I can now say that if you ever feel like drinking a massive amount of beer in a short amount of time, Milwaukee is the place to do it. It’s like Wisconsin was sitting around trying to decide what to do for the 10 months a year it’s uninhabitable and someone suddenly shouted out “BREWERIES!” I can’t explain it; they’re everywhere. Regardless of how they ended up this way, Milwaukee is home to approximately one billion breweries and twice as many cheese shops. They also serve bloody marys at brunch that have bacon and cheese ON THEM, with a beer chaser. Actually, in retrospect, it’s a good thing I don’t live there. I’d need a crane to lift me out of the brewery I died in.
In other thrilling NPW news, my 15-year high school reunion is this month. HEY NOW I’M OLD. I’m not going, obviously. The reasons are many, but really, I just went to a wedding in October of one of my high school friends and I swear to you, every person I would have any desire to see was at this wedding. Including my high school French teacher and my junior semi formal date. So I don’t exactly feel the need to catch up, you know? It just seems like it would be a lot of me awkwardly trying to remember people’s names and inwardly wondering whether we’re already friends on Facebook but I immediately hid them, which happens more often than you’d think. A couple of my friends are trying hardcore to convince me it’ll be hilarious and even tried to buy my ticket for me, but it all seems the opposite of hilarious to me. What do you think? Should I suck it up and go?
(I really hope you’ll all say no.)
Oct
3
And Yet, It’s October
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Today a second grader came up to me and said, “Ms. NPW, Sam just stuck his tongue out at me!”
I replied, “Oh no! Do you need to go to the nurse?”
I am so going to get fired.
Anyway, things at school are still far less than ideal. I don’t actively want to kill myself every day, but by 11:00 I am ready to put my head down on my desk and give up for the afternoon. Seeing literally hundreds of kids a day is as wearisome as you’d guess. Still, at least I know a few names now, so at least it’s not a constant stream of “You In The Pink Shirt, stop touching the Girl In The Purple Glitter Shirt. YES YOU. STOP TOUCHING PURPLE GLITTER.”
Despite being insanely busy while at school I still feel woefully behind. 670 kids once a week is not enough time. I honestly don’t know how they’re going to learn anything at all. Class of 2024: I’m sorry you won’t know any Caldecott Medal winners when you grow up. I just didn’t have time.
Oct
2
Writing Is My Boyfriend
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In the past year or so I’ve come to realize that when it comes to relating to other people, I have a very real personality flaw. I can be hilarious, or charming, or adorable, or flirty, but when it comes down to it I have a really hard time being any kind of vulnerable. Which, as you can imagine, makes for some interesting dating stories. I guess the rub is that I pretty easily hook people in; I’m great at being engaging and for the most part dudes always seem to enjoy my company.
But I am really, really bad at being open.
Partly I think that comes from working so actively to be interesting and fun that I end up having no idea whether or not I feel that the boy I’m with is too. Mostly I leave first dates feeling frustrated that I have no sense about this person with whom I just spent two beers worth of time. Sure, I can gauge whether I thought he was cute. I know if he had interesting things to say. But I have no idea if I liked him.
Which brings me back to not being open. Lately I’ve been trying to share more than funny anecdotes and talk about real things. I won’t lie, it feels strange to be sharing something substantial with someone I’m potentially interested in knowing better. It doesn’t come naturally like it once did. In a way, I think blogging has really helped me with this over the past two years. Writing is where I can choose to be vulnerable. Posting pieces of my heart and my head to the random masses is liberating in a way.
So I’m trying to equate dating to writing. Luckily, when one is meeting potential suitors online, writing is where the magic begins (at least, for me it is; maybe not so much for the 98% of Boston who are seemingly illiterate). I don’t need to spew every detail of my life to someone on a first date, obviously, but it feels better to at least be open to the possibility that I could like someone enough to tell them some details, someday. I guess otherwise, what’s the point?
Really though, boys of Boston: hit that spell check button once in a while. I’m just looking out for you here.